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I am so cool

Not cool... just another little wanker

Not cool… just another little wanker

No, NOT Joe Cool, or Bieber cool.

The weather is cool, and therefore I am too. I’m not complaining, it’s pleasant after our recent hot spell.

I read of an ingenious way of getting around the problem of no net on An Englishman in Italy. I love his blog. After his post, I commented: “I have a similar problem at work. No, it doesn’t involve a yacht’s mast, yet. I was able to get a connection when the other firm occupied the room next to my classroom. But they moved across the road. It was fine when they had the router near the front window, but they moved it to the back room; now with an extra wall between us sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Maybe I should look for a mast…”

If you want to understand the yacht mast you’ll have to read his side of the story.

It was so handy having the net in class. I used to d/load music and song lyrics and also to demonstrate things relating to English culture. I must try and convince my bossette that the net is a good teaching aid, but she is very old fashioned and bleats about the cost of everything. Last week I asked for fly spray to combat mosquitoes that were annoying students; you’d have thought I had asked her to put a down payment on the crown jewels instead of an R$8 can of spray. Then I got a lecture about how to use it frugally.

Apparently people do cook lipstick

Apparently people do cook lipstick

Did you know that the average woman consumes 6lbs of lipstick in a lifetime… Quite frankly, I am amazed, I have never thought of eating lipstick, I wonder how they cook it, or is it eaten raw?

On a different eating theme. I love avocado milkshakes. Half an avocado, lots of ice and milk. into the blender.

Drink it until the pain hits, right at the base of the skull. Brain Freeze! Oh why do I do it.

Last week I made them for my kids when they visited.

Emmylee’s immediate response, “I’m not drinking that, it’s Shrek poo!” Sigh, that’s an eight year old for you.

I showed her the avocado skins and finally convinced her to try it. She liked it. Now they’re called Shrek poo!

Shrek poop

Shrek poop

Ebola. They’ve been telling us lies… again. In 1990 Ebola was recognised as being airborne.

The British pound is falling, it has upset money markets. Now tell me again where is this economic recovery they keep talking about.

Hong Kong situation explained in intelligable language by Andrew in a great post. Thanks Andrew, that was well done.

Must be time for Nap-fu practice.

Later.

Is Monday gone yet?

TGInotMondayBoy, that was a rough one.

But I survived.

Now I’m safely in Tuesday.

I did the dishes yesterday… then I cooked lunch. Now I need to do the dishes again.

I have supermarketed. Spent R$151, but when I put it all away in the cupboards and fridge it looks as though I need to go to the supermarket still.

Had a couple of wonderful ham, lettuce and mustard sandwiches when i got home.

My afternoon student has cancelled, so just one class today at 6pm. Leaves me plenty of time to finish this post comfortably. I’ve already done the rest.

Cool day today, overcast, trying to rain. It has pitterd and pattered a couple of times, but nothing like we were promised.

Recently I have been following a South African blog, Boeta. It’s a mixed blog, family and nature and has some wonderful stories and some wonderful nature shots.

Karoo Robin or Scrub-Robin (Cercotrichas coryphoeus)

There’s a sample for you.

Andrew, if you happen to be reading, you may well enjoy these photos. I haven’t seen your avatar there.

I am cooking off some betroot ready for pickling. I just love pickled beetroot; and it’s always popular when I have a BBQ. Brazilians just eat it boiled, or grated finely raw on salads. No imagination.

There’s been a report floating around this week that our Blonde Bimbo felt dizzy after a political debate against her rival for president. I wonder why that made the news because she’s been dizzy for years.

Pretty poppies everywhere

Pretty poppies everywhere

Silly box candidates for today… Northern Ireland for introducing a law to target prostitues’ clients in an effort to get rid of prostitution. These politicians are so pathetic, until they tackle the real cause of prostitution, marriage, it won’t ever go away.

And the USA for spending $7.8bn on anti-drug measures in Afghanistan only to have a record bumper crop like never before. Money wasted. Imagine the impact if that money had been spent on education programmes to reduce opium usage at home…

Other headline news, Kate is pregnant again. The world is to have yet another prince/ss. Whoopi!

South African athlete Oscar Pistorius is sentenced to five years in jail for killing his girlfriend. Fine, now maybe we’ll get some real news.

The beetroot is cooked. Time to go and pickle it.

Later.

Totally Screwed

Screwed in so many ways

Screwed in so many ways

Of course, it’s Monday, one should expect it.

I found out this morning that today is Dia de comércio (Business Day), not last Monday as I thought.

After needing to go to the supermarket since Friday, I procrastinated; Saturday, I procrastinated again, and again yesterday. When the situation finally got desperate and I resolved to go today, my neighbour informs me that the supermarket is closed for the business holiday.

So, it looks like tomorrow.

I needed bread, the breadman didn’t pass, I went to the bar in the next street to get bread. I’m out of fizzy water. I now have bread, I have little else.

Lits List of things to do today…

Get fizzy water.

Change the wall clock.

Take something to eat out of the freezer.

The dishes.

Learn how to spell!

Go back to bed and start the day over.

Monday, it could only happen on a Monday!

I managed to get fizzy water at the botequim. I was surprised he was open, when I enquired why, he said I’m not a business, I’m a social service…. True, true.

Lunch will happen. I’ve just prised a small pack of thin steak from the freezer drawer where it had cemented itself in ice during the last defrost. So weinerschnitzel is on the menu. I won’t starve.

We got a little rain overnight. Not much, but it has perked the bushes up, they were looking rather sad. But the storms promised for today have yet to manifest.

LonglivescotlandSex, we all know about sex. But have you ever wondered when did sex start?

No? Me neither. That is until I saw the answer this morning. The Scots invented sex; even though they weren’t flying the flag of St Andrew at the time.

Apparently, sex began in a Scottish lake 385,000,000 years ago. So when they say sex is as old as the hills, they’re damned near right.

You can read about it on the Tomus post this morning.

Australia is in the silly box today. Abbott’s policy of ‘fossil fuels are good for humanity’ is back firing. Many businesses and institutions are divesting themselves of investments in companies that rely on fossil fuels in a collective demonstration that Australians care about the environment even if he doesn’t, or is too stupid to care. Personally, I think the latter.

The sky has clouded over; a bit like my mind at the moment. And there is a little wind; a bit like my…. oh never mind. Maybe we will get the stormy weather later.

I shall go and watch the clouds from the veranda of the botequim.

Later.

Strung Out to Dry

I feel like this poor sodding octopus

I feel like this poor sodding octopus

That’s how I feel.

Bloody Daylight Savings Time started here in Brazil last night.

The wall clock says 9:30, the PC clock says 10:30…. My cellphone has decided not to change, see, it hates DST too.

The laundry lady has been and gone, the house is quiet again. No nonsensical chatter.

The living room carpet is also strung out to dry. It’s going to be hot again today, so it should dry quickly.

I am deciding whether to make sushi, or fire up the BBQ. Either way, I’ve not taken anything out of the freezer yet.

You all know that I try to learn something every day. That’s my credo in life.

Yesterday, I learned something new; and I’m not sure I wanted to know this.

Paris got a new sculpture, a sex toy.

sextoy

The sculptor claims it’s a Christmas Tree

Now, I don’t know much about sex toys. After 50+ years of a satisfactory sex life… and thirteen kids, I have never needed to resort to sex toys. Quite frankly this scares me. I mean I am not a prude by any means, and I have an active over-active imagination. But if this is a sex toy, then there are only two places it could possibly go.

My question is, why?

Apparently, some Parisians weren’t happy with it, and it has been vandalise and deflated.

Further in the news, and less raunchy. There is a competition to name the landing site for the comet probe. My suggestion is ‘X’. That maks the spot, no need for a competition.

The pope is ahead of his time. The bishops squashed his ideas of gays and remarried divorsees being recgonised by the church. I seem to remember that his original edict was for bishops to listen to their flock; obviously some didn’t. They’re nothing but doddery old wankers and need to be chucked out. The people need to give these old farts a shock, and all who are affected should denounce their faith.

certifiedoldfartIf I had hair, it would be curling, for the second time just now. I googled ‘Paris sex toy’ to get the above image; then I googled ‘old fart’ to get an image for the above paragraph about the bishops. Well, you try googling those phrases with the Family Filter off, it’ll make your hair curl too. I have the Family Filter off to give me more results, often mistakenly omitted by it.

Talk about Sex Education 101…

Ebola, is much more widespread than being reported. A report from Liberia says that deaths are much higher than official figures.

Try these quotes: “Stock markets across the world are starting to crack.” “Last night Europe was heavily in the red,” “stocks have tumbled over 1,000 points through today” “brace for a correction” “panic on Wall Street” “global investors may see the writing on the wall” “If Ebola cannot be contained, then people will likely opt to stay home this year instead of joining massive crowds in closed quarters during key shopping days like Black Friday.” “Obama Administration may have just triggered the next big crash” And they’re all from one article. Now tell me, where is this wonderful recovery that is on every politicians lips?

parentaladvisoryThe world is well on course for wrack and ruin.

My inspiration does not runneth over.

The botequim is open. It’s beer o’clock, I shall go and have one to determine whether I will have sushi or BBQ. If they’re having BBQ, then I’ll have sushi.

All set for further debauchery.

Aren’t Sundays wonderful?

Later.

And it came to pass…

He can have it back on Monday

He can have it back on Monday

That I have managed to complete my posts for the day.

This could well be a really screwed up Saturday. Not only do I have my regular classes, but I may/may not have another until 3pm. I don’t know as of yet. Oh, the things I do for my bossette.

I need more coffee… BRB

My students from last night’s group won’t know until the end of the month whether or not they are affected by the new factory edict. So there is still hope. If their class are cut, that will make a big hole in my pay.

Another hot, hot day anticipated. Weather forecast predicts rain on Monday, in the meantime we have to endure 40ºC+. Mind you, they forecast rain for last Wednesday and it didn’t.

Yesterday afternoon, I had my customary stroll around the praça, stopping the have a big conversation with the tortoiseshell cat from next door. She was just full of meows.

I was disappointed last night. I followed a comment on a post from 2011 and discovered that the image had disappeared. The site from which the image came was also down. On checking other posts, many images had disappeared. How disappointing. I will save more images and host them myself in the future. Nothing is forever.

On Ebola, a third US case who flew on two domestic flights while contagious. News that the UN effort is too little, too late, and not taken seriously enough. We will pay for that.

046da310a240a0ea2de122fd256580d5It’s time to put my underwear on the outside and become ‘Superteacher’!

Another of life’s riddles to solve…

Why do superheroes wear their underwear outside?

Later.

Hot Spell

I wish my neighbour hadn't sold his pick up

I wish my neighbour hadn’t sold his pick up

H – O – T

That’s how you spell it.

Yes, our hot spell continues. More than a month without rain and very low humidity. The bushes in the praça are suffering, all doing a serious wilt. I have to water Clorinha’s guava tree each day. Now it has plenty of new shoots.

All my plants get a good water daily too. The two guava trees (one pink and the other white fruit) have heaps of blossoms, so it looks like a bumper crop.

It’s about 40ºC+ (106ºF) at the moment.

Last night was a disaster at work. Three classes and not one student arrived. 4½ hours of waiting.

fridayAll I can say is TGIF, but then I have another screwed up Saturday ahead with classes. I can’t complain because I need them, The factory where we get a lot of students from has issued a directive that all language class contracts are cancelled as from the end of October. They are feeling the economic pinch too. I know that I have lost one student and I’ll find out about the Friday night group tonight.

Not cooking lunch today, it’s too hot.

I’ll cheat and wait for an after work pizza, and let them steam their buns off.

Not surprised. New Zealand got a place on the UN Security Council by sucking up to the Americans and letting them spy on the internet.

I read a shocking story last night. Whisper app is the most dangerous place to be. They are stooges for the American spying apparatus.

Twitter is to begin retweeting tweets to your timeline in case you missed them. They plan to retweet tweets that maybe of interest to you… If they get that as wrong as they get people for me to follow it’s another useless freakin’ exercise.

12 red cards

12 red cards

How to play Argentine football. Twelve red cards in one match. I can’t decide if that’s awesome or abysmal. See the brawl on video for yourself. All I can say is thank heavens they don’t play cricket, they’d be armed with bats as well.

According to a medical charity, so far all the efforts to combat Ebola are having no impact.

I don’t usually drink on work days. But… it’s so hot, a liquid lunch is on the cards. I’ve got six hours to sleep it off.

The botequim is opening, I can hear the sliders going up…

I’m off, it just became beer o’clock!

Later.

*Puts pants on*

Lead Ballon

leadballoonWell, my attempt at satire yesterday went down like a lead balloon going by the number of ‘Likes’ I got.

Never mind, I’ll move along.

Can’t please all the people all the time. Thanks to those who recognised the satire and ‘Liked’.

Hot stuffy day again, no wind. We were promised rain yesterday, obviously the weather didn’t hear that; not a drop.

I have an hour before my kids are here for their English lesson, and I still have to have lunch. It’s in the oven. Fish fillets poached in milk.

Once the kids get here, I’ll get nothing done. When they go, I’ll have an hour until my first lesson at the course at 4pm. So that’s the day gone. Thursdays have turned into a mucky day.

Political correctness gone too far. Australians are in the stupid box today. A TV programme had to appologise for a ‘sexist’ quiz question; “Name a woman’s job?” That’s NOT sexist. The obvious answer is, “To have babies!” I’d love to see these pc bastards change that.

Share prices continue to slide worldwide, making financial institutions jitter. There’s something about to happen.

Ebola is still in the news, although no new cases are cited outside Africa. WHO is now trying to play down the epidemic. I was surprised to read one report that showed many Americans have no idea that Ebola exists.

[Pause]

Lunch

[unpause]

They say that fish is brain food… didn’t do my inspiration much good.

Just heard on the news that Spain has a new Ebola case; a Nigerian flew there today and is showing all the signs, Now they have another aircraft load of people exposed to the virus through the plane’s ventilation system.

This is pretty much like my Nap-fu practice

This is pretty much like my Nap-fu practice

Well, I suppose I’d better go and remove the washing from the sofa so the kids have somewhere to sit for a lesson. Then I should go and do the dishes so they know that Dad is not a slob. And, I’d better put some pants on…

Later.

Arseholes

Your average toilet is pretty much like this

Your average toilet is pretty much like this

I have finally found proof that God doesn’t exist.

He made man in his own image, and put the arsehole in the wrong place. Now, surely God shits, he should have known better or are immortal beings beyond the simple act of defacation…

If God existed, he’d have known that at some time in the future man would invent the toilet.

Then why in God’s name did he have the arsehole pointing backwards?

This thought came to me yesterday, when I had a slightly looser than normal motion which slide down the back of the porcelain leaving an unsightly skid mark that required cleaning in case one had visitors.

Now stop going…. “Ooooh, yuck!” You and everybody else in the world craps. You and everybody else has had this happen. Don’t deny it it. I bet even Queen Elizabeth has had this happen after one or two too many gins.

It’s a valid observation. Just because you haven’t blogged about it doesn’t mean there aren’t some fundamental issues involved here.

LOL – fundamental issues… accidental pun.

It just goes to show that God doesn’t exist, we are the result of intelligent design. Although Mother Nature didn’t foresee the evolution of the toilet either.

Of course, it could have been worse… We could have been designed to poop like a hippopotamus.

Talk about the shit hitting the fan. :-)

You have been reading this blog long enough to know that I will tackle any issue that causes me to think. When I think, alarm bells should ring.

Today is Teacher’s Day. My day. It should have been an extra day off in recognition of my dedication. But, I had the day off anyway, so the point was rather pointless. However, I did celebrate, I had a BBQ lunch shared with other fregües (regulars) at the botequim, which also involved beer. It made me so sleepy… I have just woken from a wonderful Nap-fu practice.

Nothing else should happen today.

Black Witch Moth (Ascalapha odorata)

I did have a wonderful surprise this morning. I found a Black Witch.

I have never seen one before and it was in my yard. It posed politely for me to snap its photo, but didn’t wait around to autograph it.

Ebola, the US has had a second nurse go down with it and they are trying to locate 132 people who were on the same flight the day before she came down with symptoms. There is now a case in Germany and headline news today says that Ebola is winning the race. That’s not comforting news.

Nothing like an aircraft ventilation system to spread the virus.

“Global shares fall sharply as concerns about weak global economic growth knock investor confidence.” – BBCNews. Has the great correction begun? We’ll know in a few weeks when the value of the dollar plummets to the point where we could offer it to hippos to use as toilet paper; or not.

According to an Australian judge a pregnant Rohinga mother who gave birth in Brisbane has been denied an Australian visa under a law designed to prevent people smuggling. So pregnant women are now people smugglers… great Australian wisdom.

The stupid French are at it again. Trying to takle the problem of teenage binge drinking by making it a criminal offence to encourage teenagers to drink to excess. How about tackling parents and schools who fail to educate their teenagers on this problem. Binge drinking is not criminal, it’s a health issue. Who puts these stupid people in governament so they can make assinine decisions?

The French are not alone. The British are now looking at banning smoking in Trafalgar Square and public parks.

Now that I have upset God, surely I’m going to hell, it’s time to say…

Later.

Semantics

semanticscoffeecupThat’s how I feel some days. Not enough coffee.

My day started off okay, then it went MONDAY!

I got two posts done and realised that I had to go to town and get my ink cartridges refilled. Okay, did a quick change and put some pants on and off I went. Refilled cartridges in hand, I went across to the sushi shop, great, they had some short grain rice. I had to get three folders and a hole punch, got those and my tummy began to rumble… oh it’s 11:30. Lunch, and I was home by 1pm.

Dinky little thing, but the ink goes everywhere!

Dinky little thing, but the ink goes everywhere!

That was when I discovered the black ink cartridge had leaked, my hands were black. Fixed that. That’s when i discovered that the colour cartridge wouldn’t work.

Bugger! Nap-fu practise was called for.

The next hour was spent scanning and printing. I even screwed that up… more than once. Stupid things like printing the wrong page back-to-back.

I finally got it right.

By then it was time for work, 4pm. The day had gone. I don’t know where, it just went.

First thing my pupil asked. “What happened to your hands?” They were a bit of a mess.

So here I am at bedtime trying to keep my eyes open and using hunt ‘n punch typing techniques.

I see some conservative bishops at this Catholic conference thingy are calling the recommendations for relaxing things in relation to gays are calling it a betrayal. High time some of these doddery old bastards were put out to pasture, and let the world get on with it.

As I predicted, Israel is a little more than miffed that British MPs voted to follow Sweden in recognising the State of Palestine. Is Israel on the way to finding itself an outcast? When traditional supporters like Britain hop across the table, it would seem so. And after Israel’s recent brutal attacks, I’m not suprised.

For the last couple of years there has been a fear of radicalised Muslim schools in Britain. Several have been the subject of rigorous checking to see if they fit in with the overall British scheme of things, and they aren’t. Now, the Jewish conservative schools are jumping up and down because similar checks have been made on three of them, and found that they too were failing badly to prepare their pupils for modern British life. What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander.

Now I think I can safely go to bed.

Later.

No great story…

pubsign29True, no great story started with someone eating salad.

I mean, which would enspire you to read further?

“He swallowed the last of his whisky, the ice cubes tinkling as he raised the glass brusquely…”

or…

“He hastily wrestled in vain with his salad to get it on the fork along with the last piece of crispy tofu!”

Personally, I’d go for the first. Tofu and salad don’t instill the manly vibes necessary for a great story.

It’s going to be stifling today.

I’ve watered the plants.

I’ve done the dishes.

I’ve posted on seven blogs, this is my eighth; there’ one to go.

I’ve finally emptied my e-mails, replied and/or visited blogs.

It’s so quiet outside, deathly silent. I opened the gate to check that the world was still out there.

Today, as I mentioned is a holiday for businesses, we teachers get our holiday on Wednesday. That doesn’t mean much to me, I don’t have classes, it’s a day off anyway.

I was disturbed to read yesterday in four consecutive headlines about the deaths of Peter Falk, Lauren Bacall, Tony Curtis and Ernest Borgnine… Hell, they’re dropping off like flies. These are names that I grew up with; making it abundantly apparent that I’m in the queue.

I must learn to use my ‘Reader’. Some of the blogs that I have subscribed to, for some reason, don’t notify me by e-mail and I miss their posts. Today, I remembered to use it, and all the posts were ones that had e-mailed me… but then it’s Monday, what could you expect.

It’s also nearly lunch time. I’m off to cook the rest of the white fish left over from yesterday’s sushi. Then I will take it next door to the botequim, and snack with beer while gazing across te park in the shimmering haze.

As I lack further inspration, I can only say…

Later.

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