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Burp!

howIfeelWell, not so much a burp.

Rather a case of hiccoughs.

A burp is once only, normally not so disruptive, unless it happens to be sufficently oppulent and it might then shock an old lady out of her prim little socks.

Yesterday my internet had a case of hiccoughs.

It was just before 6pm when I realised that I hadn’t posted here. I opened the ‘Beep beep boop’ page and wrote the title and that was as far as I got when I discovered the net was down. Not an ISP problem, but further up the chain as sometimes happens; nothing the ISP can do about it, except wait patiently.

The net eventually returned, only to go down again. Then it was a case of up and down for the rest of the evening until I gave up and went to bed. I was so miffed that I haven’t replied to some comments from yesterday. I’ll get on to that after this post.

It was up again when I woke, but already past the midnight deadline, so I missed and decided it can wait for morning.

I finally found a New Years resolution that I am sure to abide by. Not to become a pole dancer in Mongolia. I think that’s a fairly safe bet. Maybe next year, but I vow that it will not happen this year.

Yesterday was hot. No classes, the botequim was open, so there was only one logical choice. I went. Only to find out that a regular was about to pass the supermarket; an idea that I had been procrastinating. I accepted the offer, changed and went.

Lunch was a sandwich snack. Fresh ham and chopped spring onion greens. Just enenough to keep the walls of my stomach from collaspsing in on each other and went to the bar with a plate sliced Provolone cheese drowned in olive oil and spring onions to nibble on.

With a chilled beer and nibbles, I proceeded to do nothing for the rest of the day.

Nap-fu.

NOT these mutton chops

NOT these mutton chops

On returning to the botequim once I discovered the net was down, one of the fregües mentioned that he had found a place that sold mutton chops.

I have never seen mutton chops for sale in Brazil before. I knew that on rare occasions they had them…

The mere thought of mutton chops with gravy or homemade mint sauce set my wouth watering.

Want!

Today I will go and get some for the next BBQ.

I am now being tormented by the prospect and have visions of delicious chops floating before my eyes… No, wait that’s probably an early sign of cornea problems.

Visions waft before my eyes

Visions waft before my eyes

The Charlie Hebdo massacre in Paris has shocked the world. A terrible thing to happen. Islamic leaders all over the world have decried the actions of the terrorists, reiterating that such acts are in no way connected to the ideals of Islam. But we have to remember, that this is not just a Muslim thing, the Christian churches were not above such actions and genocide in history. Which all reinforces my own atheism, because if there was a merciful god or a prophet, this wouldn’t happen.

It’s a terribly sad and bitter world we live in.

Silly Box: Tony Idiott has mad a surprise visit to Iraq. A surprise visit indicates that he has given no thought about the matter. I finally understand how to tell if he is on the level… he dribbles equally from both corners of his mouth at the same time.

At the moment, that’s all I have to entertain you with. It’s time for the anti-wilt parade. Love my plants, generally hate humanity, but love my plants.

Later.

Tulibu dibi douchoo

Yesterday, after I left you here, I went to explore the world beyond my gate. Predictably, I got eleven metres and was inexplicably drawn to the botequim:-)

As I got a beer from the fridge and setteled down with a chilled glass to pour my beer Mariah Carey’s ‘Without you’ was playing on the radio, when it came to the chorus, I was singing “Ken lee, tulibu dibi douchoo”… weird? I had forgotten the real lyrics in favour of this.

For those of you who are wise in the workings of the net, you’ve probably seen the video clip of the Bulgarian girl in a song contest and understand what I’m talking about. For those of you not so afflicted, I give you the video clip, so that you too can sing like a Bulgarian…

That is just so hilarious.

There having got that out of my system, let’s move right along.

Remember the weather two days ago? Yesterday’s post Like a Politician, well, we got it yesterday.

Thunder and lightning for a couple of hours, then at 4:15pm and the heavens opened. In the next 45 minutes we got nearly 15mm of rain. A square 4gal paint can in my yard had 6″ of water in it. The street drains blocked up with leaves and rubbish and I was out in shorts trying to clear the three around the botequim so the water could escape The river that flows beside the bar, normally a polluted little trickle, became a raging torrent with huge waves; it would have been too dangerous to use it for white water rafting.

After the deluge, I was exhausted. In the morning I had also stretched my reserves and pulled the roadside weeds out. Adding the excesses of the storm…

I have a question. Why do we elect unemployed, unqualified people into the government? They then become ministers in charge of departments that they know nothing about. The only answer that I can logically come up with is that we are fools.

It rained on and off over night and is cool, I have done nothing but concentrate on caffeine levels.

Finally someone else has the balls to challenge Sepp Blathermouth as president of FIFA. Maybe we’ll get some football news now. Sepp Blathermouth is like an old box of milk that is past it’s consumption date, sour and lumpy, chuck it out. That means there are two candidates challenging the incumbent.

That’s about it for today, it’s too early for anything to have actually happened. And remember, Ken lee, tulibu dibi douchoo:-)

Later.

Like a Politician

Yesterday was like a politician, all noise and flashy, but little or no action.

The thunder and lightning looked promising, but it all fizzled out with barely any rain.

To top it all off, there were two cars with loud music in front of the botequim. Finally I gave up and went out for a BBQ rodizio dinner and got home about 9pm. 9:45 qand I was in bed.

Even my coffee was trembling

Even my coffee was trembling

Benjamin Franklin said “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” That’s bullshit, it made me grouchy, irritable and in dire need of coffee. Benjamin Franklin just had no idea.

Today is still cloudy, and it is only a light breeze that is preventing it from being horribly muggy.

Silly Box: An American brewery has fallen foul of Indians. They produced a beer called Gandhi-Bot based on the Indian hero of independence, Mahatma Gandhi who led the non-violent resistence to British rule in India.

Gandhi-bot

Gandhi-Bot

The brewery claims the beer is an “ideal aid for self-purification and the seeking of truth and love.”

Their intent is not to offend anyone but rather pay homage and celebrate a great man who we respect greatly. That’s utter crap, they were trying to engratiate the Indians to buy their beer!

Venezuelan President Maduro still doesn’t get it. He’s squealing about the low price of oil because it’s hurting the country. Oil is the major source of income. It’s not the low price of oil, it’s his continued failure to realise that he’s pushing the extinct ideology of his predessor. Of course, he’s blaming everyone else for his problems. Typical despot.

The Roma baby mentioned in yesterday’s post has finally been given a dignified burial in a nearby town. But the refusal by a mayor to bury her has caused quite a stink in France.

A Britsh farmer has had to thin his hear of Heck cattle. The cows were simply to aggresive to handle… he never met my ex-wife. Apparently, these cows were the result of a 1920s German experiement to repoduce the extinct European wild oxen (Aurochs). Some of the cows were so aggressive that they would charge to kill. The herd of 20 has been reduced to six of the calmer animals.

Aurochs – Photograph: Barry Batchelor/PA

Must admit, they were magnificent looking beasts, but an example of what happens when man tampers with nature.

The phone hasn’t beeped.

Off to see what is happening beyond my gate.

Later.

I was about to complain…

Spray on clouds

Spray on clouds

Indeed, I was.

We were promised rain yesterday, didn’t

We were promised rain today, hasn’t.

And just as I was sitting here after Nap-fu practice trying to think of a post title, I hear thunder in the distance

I have already beered today, but I gave up beering in favour of Nap-fu; mainly to escape the nasty Brazilian habit of having a carload of speakers blaring music and the TV in the botequim trying desperately to compete which means that everybody has to shout to have a conversation.

To continue. The day started off very sunny, while I was beering it clouded over and there was a coolish breeze. When I woke from Nap-fu the sun was out in full force, which led to the title.

More thunder… I love it.

Honestly Brazilians are so ignorant at times. Imagine this…

carro com somParked across the road, punching out music like a home theatre on steroids, most of which I can’t stand, while trying to have a ‘quiet’ beer.

There are times when the volume is so high, that I can’t hear the TV inside the house with the doors and windows closed.

Sometimes they have one parked on the corner for one group and one parked in front of my house for another group and the bastards are trying to out do each other.

Honestly, they’re a bloody plague.

At the moment it is quiet, I may well venture along to the botequim and resume my beering and watch the clouds and hope for rain.

Yesterday I mentioned about the baby born in NY early and the horrendous bill they faced. Well, in light of all the publicity the hospital has guaranteed there will be no cost to the couple.  Nothing like the threat of bad publicity to change minds.

Silly Box: Has to go to the French mayor who refused to bury a Roma (gypsy) baby. What an arsehole? He said that burial places were for those who paid taxes.

I read that Jeb Bush is now clearing the way to run for presidency. God help America! It is also rumoured that Jeb has divorced GWB as a brother to distance himself from the opraborium he created.

It was with interest I read that neither the USA nor Israel are signatories to the International Criminal Court, now why doesn’t that surprise me? The two greatest perpetrators of war crimes aren’t in the club.

The, there is the horrific story of a seven-year-old Australian boy who sneaked into a zoo and killed many animals and threw others (among them rare species) into the crocodile pen. What was going through the mind of this critter? Better still, his parents obviously haven’t parented. The zoo is looking to sue the parents for damages. My suggestion is throw the kid into the crocodile pen, then pull him out just seconds before he gets eaten to see what it feels like.

Off to beerificate. No BBQ today, just a light lunch.

Later.

Private Parts

Lisa Marie, one of Elvis’ private jets – BBC image

I woke after Nap-fu practice, buttered a bread roll and poured a half pint of chilled sparkling mineral water. As I settled in front of the PC to read the news, I was shocked. I read “Elvis Presley private parts for sale”. As the fog of sleep lifted, I reread, because I couldn’t believe it… The headline was actually “Elvis Presley private jets for sale”.

Having recovered from that shock, let’s move along.

The temperature yesterday reached freakin-hotºC (that’s 41ºC) or intolerably-hotºF. The thermal sensation 50ºC, we were melting. I set up my private cachoeira (waterfall) by putting the hose through the tiles on top of the fence, borrowed a chair from the botequim and sat under the cascading water to drink my beer. Whenever I vacated the chair, the neighbours two girls took advantage, as well as their dad.

About 4pm we (neighbours and I) set up the BBQ and had grilled salmon, pork ribs, pork belly strips, liver and garlic bread for a late afternoon snack.

By the end of that, I was knackered, running the BBQ, the heat, the beer had all taken their toll. So it was home for the news.

I am miffed. I read the story of an English couple stranded in New York after a five day getaway before the birth of their child, who decided to make an early appearance by some weeks. They are being stung for $200,000 in hospital care, although they had insurance, it is not clear if it covers a birth.

Now, I may be wrong here. But to my mind the birth of a child is Mother Nature at work, sometimes she is unpredictable, therefore I consider this a natural emergency which shouldn’t be charged for, even by a bloody-minded stinking corporate private hospital. Childbirth should be free! We have been overtaken by our own capitalist greed. Somethings like this are just not right.

Boko Haram militants have kidnapped about 40 boys and young men in a raid on a remote village in north-eastern Nigeria. It’s time these cowardly bastards were hunted down like rabid dogs and disposed of. They claim to be Muslims, but their actions form no part of Islam.

Another headline: Most types of cancer can simply be put down to bad luck rather than risk factors such as smoking, a study suggests. This is something that I have thought for many years. From my own family’s experience… Both my grandfathers smoked and drank heavily from the age of about 14, they died at 90 & 92, neither from cancer nor heart problems, rather from natural causes. On the other hand, my father who neither smoked nor drank had heart problems at 59 and died of a stroke at 73. My thoughts have been that you either have cancerous genes, or as this report suggests, cancerous genes can mutate, or not. Lifetyles such as smoking or drinking may exacerbate them.

nothingcheckNow the weather today is much more reasonable, cloudy with the prospect of rain. Still sweating here, but not like yesterday.

It’s 1pm, time to check the botequim. Nothing is planned for the day, another day in which I fully expect to be a successful.

Later.

Sorry, I have a headache

headacheNo, there was no suggestion of sex…

No, I didn’t drink too much yesterday…

I have been thinking too long about too much on not enough caffiene.

I have been posting sporadically since 1am, between naps; you couldn’t call them sleeps.

I lived with that old story “Sorry, I have a headache” for so long during my marriage, that finally I took a glass of water and two aspirin to the bedroom where my wife was reading in bed. “What are they for?” she asked. “They’re for your headache,” I replied. “I don’t have a head….!” She never finished that sentence.

Gotcha!

There was nowhere in her list of feminine wiles that she could squirm out of that one.

grammar-vaderNow I’m going to put my Grammar Nazi cap on. Look at that meme above, it was obviously made by an American. How can I tell? They’ve used the vowel sound form of the indefinite article ‘an’ for headache.

Americans have this habit of using ‘an’ for all ‘h’ words.

Totally wrong!

The ‘an’ form is only used when the ‘h’ word has a silent ‘h’ and the first sound is that of a vowel. An hour, for example, or an honour; but a hotel or a headache.

g+I clicked on a link in a blog today. It was a blog that I have visited often, so it was trusted and I discovered, horror of horrors, that I have a Google+ account. How the f*#k did I get that? I have purposely stayed away from Google+, as I try to do with most Google products, because I don’t trust them! I am more than a little miffed about this because it means that Google can control what platforms I use. I told you, they are not to be trusted!

An interesting phenomenon. Every MSM (mainstream media) source tells us that the economy is doing great, we are out of the recession, unemployment is down, shares are up, we’ve got cheap oil, etc. The news is almost rosy. But when I visit reports and articles written by independent specialists, economists and the like, they say the exact opposite; that the economy is NOT doing so great, unemployment is down because they’ve cooked the figures, that 2015 could see the beginning of the end for the global economy, that the government’s money printing, the bank’s derivatives and Wall Street open slather policies are all one big Ponzi scheme and that the house of cards is so big that it could fall at any moment. The cheap oil could well be the trigger….

Watch this space!

Netanyahu is spewing. The Palestinians are trying to join the International Criminal Court. Which means that Palestine would be able to pursue war criminals. Now if Netanyahu had a clear conscience over Israeli actions, why would that bother him? Good question!

“Most types of cancer can simply be put down to bad luck rather than risk factors such as smoking, a study suggests.”BBCNews. Once again, it appears that everything we are told and accept as gospel needs to be questioned.

Silly Box: I was going to put Tony Idiott here, simply because he is.

But then I found this… Constipated goldfish  A goldfish lover from Norfolk paid hundreds of pounds in vets’ fees when his pet became constipated. – BBCNews A big pet like a horse, I can understand, a dog or a cat, I can understand; but a goldfish? Or am I just an insensitve clod? <—– Hypotheticl question, doesn’t really need an answer.

Yesterday reached its very-bloody-hotºC, and we have been promised hotter than that today. The sun is already very strong and I have to go and water the plants.

I also have to do the dishes, make more coffee, take something out of the freezer for eating purposes and take a dump (for which I’ll spare you the details).

Later.

Finally, I Crashed

Yup, just after midnight fireworks which lasted about a half hour in our neighbourhood, I made my excuses and toddled off home. I was ready for bed. Midnight hours are a thing of the past as I advance in my dotage.

My native NZ was the first to see the New Year in. Although news services make more fuss about Sydney, NZ merely gets a mention. Some news services even classify Sydney as being the first; they’d better get the atlases out, or today it would be more appropriate to check Google Maps. They also get their facts wrong, a news item yesterday mentioned 1.5 million people in Sydney. but only 1 million in Copacabana; in fact there were more than 2 million in Copacabana this year.
.
NZaheadAuckland’s Sky Tower gets the honours of being the most publicised.

Sky Tower, Auckland

Sky Tower, Auckland

.
Anyway, I’ve never seen it. In fact, I never even saw the celebration in my home town. I always thought that people were fools to rush into the Square and much preferred private parties with friends.

It’s all over now, the world can return to normal and continue on its course of destruction.

Today promises to be hotter than yesterday, which was bloody-hotºC, so the temp today could reach very-bloody-hotºC and mean a lot of chilled beer to stay sane.

I went to the neighbour’s for BBQ, just a few friends there. Way to much food, which I made an earnest effort to reduce. Watched the fireworks at midnight and that’s where I came in, read the first paragraph

Watered the plants, checked the passion fruit vines; flowers again yesterday. If they don’t start producing some fruit I may have to pollinate the flowers myself. Because the bees don’t seem to be doing their job.

Time to poke my head out the gate. I know the botequim is open, I may have a beer before lunch.

Later.

I am so confused

I spent all night drinking iced water and having cold showers to try and get some sleep, then at 6am I was drinking coffee to try and stay awake.

Happy-New-Year-2015-New-ZealandNew Year has alredy begun in my native New Zealand.

It will slowly wind its way around the world until it gets to Brazil in 15 hours.

We got our promised rain last night about 6pm, a pathetic two minutes. It was enough to make the ground steamy and appear hotter than before.

The sun is out, so it looks like we’ll get to our sixth day of 40ºC+ which is a good enough reason to have a BBQ and drink beer.

My neighbours have disappeared. They were last seen on Monday when Lincoln got the car out of my garage in the morning.

I really can’t be bothered with New Year, for me it is just another day. The sun rises, the sun sets. I still have to do the dishes. Too much money is spent on fireworks, especially in Brazil by those who don’t have it to spend on food and clothes for the kids.

The fireworks display at the presidential palace in Brasilia (the capital) is being paid for by funds meant for the annual renovation of schools and school transport as well as other social measures. The people are up in arms, the court ruled that it had to stop, the council appealed the ruling in their favour, the people appealed again, the result will come out today. This is a very Brazilian thing… “Oh we don’t have the money… lets rob the coffers!”

New-Year-ResolutionsNew Years resolutions are a lot of bunkum. I make one every year and that is NOT to make any New Year resolutions. It’s the only one that I manage to keep.

But I will wish all my visitors/followers and fellow bloggers…

Happy New Year

And for those where it hasn’t arrived yet.

Keep-calm-and-new-year-is-coming-sayingAustralia has to be the Silly Box candidate for today. They voted against the Palestine UN membership; making sure the resolution failed by one vote. Guarantee the US told them to. Tony Idiott is just a puppet.

I relly should put my pants on and go and water my plants.

I also need more coffee. It may well be the last coffee of the year.

There may be an update, then again, there may not be.

Later.

Get up and Go!

018a51c4e3402dfd8b77851a41c12bdbWell, my get up and go, got up and went.

The promised rain didn’t last night. I had my last cold shower at 4am and finally managed to sleep three straight hours, until 7am.

I made my penultimate coffee for 2014.

I blogged, as I had aslo blogged at 1am. Got most of my bloogging done.

Watered the plants as they were doing impressive wilt impressions.

I emptied my mailbox, and I was exhausted.

Another day waiting for my phone to beep. It did, my afternoon student just confirming her class.

I wanted to go to the supermarket, read, I had to go to the supermarket; but I didn’t have the energy.

I finally mustered the energy and then waited more than a half hour in the heat for transport. Finally. I went to the gas station to buy cigarettes because our whole neighbourhood is out. More likely they are hoarding old stock to sell at the new price in January… bastards! I needed cash, the Bank 24 Hours was out of money, I’m down to my last R$12.

Supermarket and home.

Hot and sweaty, threw stuff in the freezer and fridge and beat a hasty retreat to the botequim, cold beer and salvation. I also made a couple of ham and lettuce sandwiches so my stomach walls wouldn’t cave in on each other.

Nap-fu…

So, eventually, I did, I got up and went.

The bull wins in a Mexican bullfight, gored the silly girl that was tormenting it. Serves her right; I love it when the bull wins. Pity it didn’t happen more often.

Stating the obvous, Obama said that Putin wasn’t so bright as Russia heads into recession. Should have let Crimea be Crimea, a part of Ukraine.

Cricket happened in Australia, not much else, and no sign of Tony Idiott.

Tomorrow th last day of the year, BBQ. I got a slab of salmon fillet for the BBQ, and some pork belly and ribs, and some liver.

After BBQ, I have been invited to neighbours for the virada (the turning), and yes another BBQ.

Last night the kitchen was doused in the smell of passion fruit flowers; lots of them yesterday.

My sage plant has nearly reached the top of its stick. A landmark that I have been waiting for.

Ipanema Beach yesterday

Ipanema Beach yesterday

We have had four straight days of 40ºC+ with the thermal sensation getting close to 50. People have been swarming to the beaches to escape the heat. Not me, I swarm to the bar; that way I don’t need to wash the sand from my nether regions. Horrible gritty stuff sand; can cause a nasty rash. I commented yesterday to the fregües (regulars) at the bar that going to the beach and having to return home is a waste of an hours drinking time.

Just imagine that if all those people had spent an hour more drinking beer, Brazil’s economy would be back on track.

Preparations for the world’s largest New Year party. Copacabana Beach, 6½ kms, and 2 million people. Me, I stay away; more than ten people at the bar scares me these days. As i get older, I don’t like crowds so much.

Must go, cold shower required.

Later.

I feel behooved

After such a short post today, I feel as though I owe you more.

It was a short BBQ as far as botequim BBQs go, a mere three hours, followed by Nap-fu.

In a post today Andrew was extolling the benefits of newsprint over iPhones on All Downhill from Here.

He was so right, you can’t wrap fish ‘n chips with a screen. His further comment lead me to make this…

DogVomitiPhone-300pxYes, there are times when newsprint wins.

Today’s lunch of grilled bacon slab and aspargus with a wine and cracked pepper sauce was put on hold until tomorrow. The cracked pepper sauce was leftover from yesterday, I’ll reheat it with red wine just for variety.

The prospect of another BBQ on Wednesday as a goodbye to 2014 was mooted and greeted with enthusiasm.

Today it is cloudy. There may be no sun, but it is hot and sticky.

Yesterday was so hot that it made the day before pale into insignifiance. I got sunburned in the shade The weather forecast says we could get a rain storm later, but definitely rain tomorrow.

Having appeased my coscience…

Later.

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