
One of my modest chili pepper bushes
I grow chili and cayenne peppers in my small modest garden. I love to watch them grow, first green, then orange and then finally fire red.
Today, I had crops from both bushes ready for harvesting.
There is one important fact that one must bear in mind picking peppers; wash your hands before having a pee.
I learned this the hard way.
In NZ we don’t have chili nor cayenne peppers, at least I have never seen them there. We have the capsicum (bell pepper), but not the hot varieties.
It wasn’t until I came to Brazil that I met ‘real’ peppers.
Brazilians have a jar or bottle of pimenta malageta (chili peppers) in olive oil on the table at every meal (breakfast excluded) much as we westerners have a pepper shaker with white pepper.
But it was in Bolivia, c1999, that I learned my lesson. I was a cook in an American BBQ restaurant called Cowboys in a small plaza in Santa Cruz de la Sierra.
We served great smoked ribs and various other dishes; one of which was hot beans. We smoked our own meat and cooked our own beans. The beans called for a bag of dried peppers in a 30 litre pot. I’m not sure what kind of peppers, but they were about 8cm (4″) long and they were added to the pot during the cooking.
Soon after adding the peppers to the pot I needed relief. No problem, the beans were on a simmer, so off to the bathroom.
It was soon after my return to the kitchen, that I began to get a strange sensation in the lower region. This strange feeling began to intensify gradually until it was evident that my manhood was on fire.
I soon realised what I had done.
I tried washing the affected parts, I tried cold water, I tried ice cubes in my underpants while dancing in a demented frenzy around the kitchen all the while trying to keep a steady supply of dishes for the dining room. Believe me, that’s no easy task when you are more worried about your manhood than food; and whether it will ever function again.
My boss, who doubled as barman and waiter, caught me dancing a fire maddened fling around the kitchen. I explained the reason for my antics, and he left the kitchen with the ready dish laughing his head off.
I, however, didn’t think it was funny, not in the least.
The kitchen closed at midnight, I had spent an agonising six hours, and then I limped home, a twenty minute walk, a much wiser man, with a still warm, tingling sensation in the nether regions.
My advice to any man who handles raw peppers, WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE GOING FOR A PEE!
Must blog along.
Later.
I had a male friend who was entertaining a young woman one evening. He cooked dinner for her, which involved chopping up chillies, then when things got amorous later on he stuck his hand down her pants. It did not end well.
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>Rachel, oh, ouch! I can sympathise with her. Talk about HOT sex…. 🙂
AV
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oooops. I know they say “wash your hands and don’t touch your eyes”… but I didn’t know about this other uncomfortable problem….. lesson learned I guess… ;(
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>OAiC, exactly, the inside of the nose as well…
AV
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You were a good sport over at Meme’s just now so I came by to say thanks and read this. I did read it all and trust me I understand, ouch. I’m a nurse. When those little things get into the mucus membranes they have a long life of their own. Nice chatting with you, Paulette
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>Paulette, yes, you would well understand the problem. I was astounded and amazed by the letter in your last post.
I have reblogged it for tomorrow linked to you for the rest of your great post. I had a gay stepson some years back, I recognised it when he was nine, at thirteen he told me that I was the greatest dad in the world simply because I told him to be who he was because he was perfect, a view not shared by his mother. He’s 29 now and very happy.
AV
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I’m sorry, I would’ve laughed too. But it must have been agony! I knew a man once whose mum rubbed chillis into his privates as a punishment for looking at pictures of bikini models. He didn’t hold it against her, though (I would’ve!).
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>but, it was. That was one cruel mother; I would have held it against her, that’s child abuse.
AV
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Another one to be careful with is the Deep Heat cream for massaging aching and damaged muscles. It has a similar effect. Eyes or lower, it’s hot stuff indeed.
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>Andrew, yes, I’ve heard about that, although I don’t remember how, that one should not confuse Deep Heat with KY…
AV
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Oh yes! I’ve suffered the ‘hot sex’ version of this and also once made the mistake of eating so many chillies that my pee stung like fury. OOOCH! 😉
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>Lottie, yes, that’s terribly hot sex… I have eaten many a chili dish, and curries, that burn twice… going in and coming out. I’ve never had the pee problem though.
AV
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