Tag Archive: Americans

How true…

“Coffee makes me invincible. But when the cup is empty, I return to mere mortal.” – Terri Guillemets

coffeeyetThis morning I couldn’t even make coffee before I had coffee.

I burnt the jug dry…

Was more successful on the second attempt.

It’s now 3pm, I haven’t had my third coffee yet, so it’s still breakfast time. Looks like lunch has become dinner.

This is my seventh blog post for the day, and I have finally caught up with my comment replies and visiting their blogs. I got so behind.

It’s now 5pm… I have managed one paragraph since 3pm. This is known as a lack of inspiration.

The Brazilian air force is going to get new toys for Christmas. Who said thee is no Santa Claus?

SAAB Grippen

SAAB Grippen

The Americans and the French lost out because their toys didn’t come with full soccer playing capabilities. Actually, it is rumoured that the Americans lost out because they were spying on the Brazilian president’s hair appointments. Oh, those nasty Americans, it turns out they have been spying on the Israelis too. Really Obama needs to castrate these spying shitheads.

Uganda has become one of the most backward countries in the world. They have passed a law enabling gays to be jailed for life.

Canada, on the other hand, has had it’s anti-prostitution laws struck down by the supreme court while the Indian supreme court has reistated the old British Colonial law that condemns homosexuals.

Honestly, if these countries forgot about homosexuals, prostitutes and the like and set about dealing with issues of importance like education, health and poverty, maybe the world would be a better place.

Other important news, the pope meet with his favourite football team and the Vatican now has a football trophy.

Well, that’s about it; the third coffee went down well.

Oh, I must thank my readers who popped across and voted for my blog Things that Fizz & Stuff, very much appreciated.



How Big is Your Nurdle?

Have you checked lately?

Surprisingly, the size of your nurdle is of vital importance.

Toothpaste manufacturers want you to have a big nurdle, where as a small nurdle is sufficient. It’s a bit like penis size, not important, it’s the job it does that counts.

You’ve still got no idea what a nurdle is, have you?

To paraphrase William Shakespeare, would a nurdle by any other name still be a nurdle?

Cricketers know what a nurdle is; a case of nudging the ball into a vacant area to score runs; the ocean is polluted with plastic nurdles, but these are not the nurdles I am referring to.

I am referring to your everyday, domestic nurdle.

As parents you should be very concerned with the size of the nurdle your children use. Children’s nurdles tend to be bigger than adult nurdles and to no greater purpose. Children tend to squeeze their nurdles harder which leads to waste. Some children even squish their nurdles on bathroom walls. You have to watch the kids, they have all sorts of unseemly traits.

A nurdle, 5x bigger than necessary

A nurdle, 5x bigger than necessary

A nurdle is the small pea-size blob of toothpaste that you apply to your toothbrush. Manufacturers always show big nurdles, when a nurdle the size of a pea is sufficient; you do not need to line the entire length of your bristles with toothpaste to be effective.

Toothpaste manufacturers always show a long nurdle, because subconsciously this makes you use more toothpaste. You use more, you buy more.

English is a wonderful language, you can have so much fun, nurdles are a bit like your wenis; and you cant lick your wenis.

I am coffeeless, but the water is on.

I wrote the above last night while I was running on all cylinders. At the moment I’, not.

My coffeelessness has been resolved, now I need that all important second cup.

I wonder what will happen tomorrow, will they, or won’t they? Yes, I am referring to the Americans. Not all Americans just the myopic politicians. Will they raise the debt ceiling and prolong the agony, or will they make the world suffer a sharp, tooth-wrenching bite-the-bullet shock that will all but destroy the world’s economy, but put us back on the right track?

The more the raise the ceiling, the more damage will be done.

The world has considered the Americans to be the bullies of the planet for some decades, so their reputation was already crap. Then it was their trustworthiness that is in question over the NSA communications spy scandal, their reputation got crappier. Now it is their dependability as to being trading partners who pay their bills. Quite frankly, the USA is well and truly stuffed, their reputation just got even crappier.

the_world_in_a_nutshellI have no money in any institution. I have a bank acct just to transfer money to Brazil, then I spend it or take it out. If I had money, it would be in gold; and waiting until Friday to buy it will be too late because from midnight Thursday, the price will sky rocket if the debt ceiling is not raised.

Here in Brazil, the Blonde Bimbo (president) is saying Brazil is insulated from all these problems. LOL Two nights ago on TV we hear that Brazil has its own housing bubble. The prices of properties has doubled in five years, that’s faster than the rate that caused the US bubble. There is a collapse due here too.

To put it in a nutshell, we’re damned if we do and we’re damned if we don’t.

It has been announced that Brazil is setting up it’s own encrypted e-mail service to by-pass the American communications harvesting. Of course if you have an email address with any of the big five like Google, they’ll still capture it, even if your email is addressed to someone in the big five. The world needs to abandon these big five services in favour of services that don’t collaborate with NSA, and quickly.

The coffee is slowly sinking in, ready to blog for the rest of this rainy day.



Which brings me to this point


Castle Point Lagoon

AH, but which point? You may well ask.

No, not Castle Point in New Zealand, pretty and idyllic though it is; nor am I stalking about PowerPoint, nor indeed an exclamation point.

Neither am I referring to pointing a gun, nor point blank (although the ‘blank’ bit referring to my mind is a possiblility – that’s why I am waffling until inspiration strikes).

I am referring to a point in time.

Point in Time - image: David Middlebrook

Point in Time – image: David Middlebrook

“Paleolithic fossils help us determine points in time. The scale of this replica of the sacred Egyptian “Ibis” bird skull is referring to a possible future point in time. The balancing block of basalt was formed in the Cretaceous period 65 million years ago when the last great extinction of the dinosaurs took place. The lone survivors became the birds of today”… – Read more

Yes, this particular point in time is nearly 10am and this is the last blog post of the day.

I have surpassed myself, I have excelled, I have… well, I have.

Saturdays are often an easy blog-load, because there is not a lot of thinking, rather it is choosing. Finding images and ideas that suit the Satireday on theme on most blogs, ideas that are both satire and/or funny, and that suit the general theme of each blog. On Nether Region, it is always Caturday, and I collect cat LOLs and Memes throughout the week during my browsing. Whatever keywords you put in a search engine, you are almost guaranteed there is a ‘cat’ image somewhere along the line.

So now that I have completed my blogging obligations, I should, begrudgingly, look after the house. I could start with the dishes, but the use of ‘could’ denotes a certain level of unwillingness, or improbability; and that’s how I feel about the dishes.

I may (strong possibility) cook bacon and eggs for breakfast, now that’s a good idea. It does have a drawback though, it creates more dishes, which take me back to the ‘could’ dilemma.

Life is a vicious circle.

Here’s an example of a vicious circle…

See what I mean?

cachaca_51The bacon and egg idea appeals, because it may be (strong possibility again) beer o’clock by then.

But then I have to spend money, which I don’t have much of this month…

Another vicious circle!

I will probably (stronger possibility than ‘may’) put a bottle of wine in the freezer and take that to the bar when suitably chilled. Or I might (weaker possibility) make a caipirinha and take that to the bar, but they have a propensity to get one plastered, not  prospect that I enjoy.

Despite the most popular brand of cachaça (sugar cane brandy) being 51, which is synonymous (because of a TV ad) with being a good idea. Drinking it before the sun is over the yard arm is most certainly NOT a good idea. Because a caipirinha doesn’t last long, and then you need another, and….

See, yet another vicious circle.

Caipirinha mit Limonen

Even the German site I got this image from says ‘Limetten‘ (lime) It’s bullshit!

A caipirinha is very much like a women’s breasts…. one is not enough! They really are so yummy, if they’re made properly with green lemons.

AH, I hear you all, “green lemons are limes!” No, they are not! This, sadly, is an American supposition; if it’s green then it’s a lime, because lemons are yellow. Lemons are sour, limes are sweeter. Here in Brazil, we have green lemons, and it is those green lemons that are used in a caipirinha. The net is full of this erroneous idea that a caipirinha is made with limes. If you make use limes in a caipirinha recipe, or indeed any other fruit, it then becomes a batida, which is NOT a caipirinha!

This is a pet hate of mine on the internet. Along with Brazilian waiters, who should know better, asking if I want a caipirinha made with cachaça or vodka. If it’s made with vodka, then it is a caipivodka, or caipiroska. If I wanted one, I’d ask for it!

It’s now heading towards eleven, a good hour to have breakfast on the weekend.

So I will leave you with this thought, it’s hard being an English teacher, you know too much about the language; sometimes I yearn for the days when I could write without having to justify (to myself) the use of modal verbs.


Whi… Kid

Absolutely wicked!

My day so far…

Worked two hours, paid the rent, shopping (unsuccessfully) for handkerchiefs, lunch 11am – 3pm, nap 3:30 – 6pm…

And here I am, still under the affluence of incohol. I didn’t mean to, I rarely do it, but it was fun.

I started lunch with beer, then the crafty waiter offered me wine. Oh, I am so weak.

When you open a bottle… it should be drunk.

I even put the cork in my pocket. My neighbour is doing a project, she gets all my corks.

The backspace key is working so hard at the moment, it has asked for time and a half, and wants a Christmas bonus.


Bonus??? This backspace wants a pension!

Bonus??? This backspace wants a pension!

I have discovered that I am a turophile. Now that’s nothing disgusting, and I am not Catholic.


It means that I like cheese; that I am a connoisseur… that I adore cheesy things. I do/am. I have never found a cheese that I didn’t like.

Let’s move on a little…


Have to be a Scot, no undies…

Four people got gored in the annual Pamploma bull run, stupid people, serves them right. Bulls 4, stupid people 0.

I cannot understand the stupidity of some people.

I clearly remember, as a child, avoiding the bull paddock; even if it meant walking miles out of our way, the bull paddock was out of bounds. Normal people just didn’t go there. Maybe this explains the bull run, only not-normal people do it.

IBM Golfball with typestyle interface

IBM Golfball with manual typestyle interface

The dastardly clever Russians have come up with an evil plan to thwart the nasty American NSA people… The Kremlin is buying typewriters!

Let’s see the Americans spy on that!

Maybe we should all do that, buy a typewriter and use the post office again.

The downside is that the forests would disappear faster.

I haven’t blogged a lot today, I suppose I should…


Basking in Sunshine

british-weatherYes, in Rio de Janeiro, that’s what we normally do. We also do broiling, roasting, sweating in the sunshine.

I just read a headline that England is expected to be basking in the sunshine, now of course, for England this is news.

For Rio this is not news, it would be news if the beer ran out.

Yesterday I mentioned Prozac. It was a joke, I don’t need Prozac, I have coffee.

coffeeprozacBut I was surprised during the week to read that artists, musicians, writers, composers, philosophers consider that using Prozac heightens their experience and makes them more creative.

I get that with coffee, hell, if I took Prozac too, I’d be a creative blathering wreck; but then I am a blogger, what can I say? <—– Rhetorical question.

I had a thought…

But it escaped.

I need more coffee!

*pregnant pause*

Got coffee, thought returned. Warning, this is offensive – to Americans

Long ago there was no television, some of us remember those days… unfortunately. But, we did have radio. One of the radio programmes that I enjoyed was The Goon Show.

Now this programme is solid proof that Americans have no culture.

Most Britains understand the Goon humour without having to think about it, similarly Australians and New Zealanders.

This is due to understanding our culture.

Americans just look blankly and go WTF? See, absolutely no understanding of culture.

If you have the time, listen to this…


The Goon Show was one form of humour that could never be converted to television.

I used to have this LP (Long Player record, for those too young to remember LPs), in fact I had many of their LPs.

There, just a touch of nostalgia.

Must blog along.



I am totally numb after last night, so totally, that I have switched off.

It has nothing to do with the three gin & tonics I had yesterday afternoon, nor the beers that followed.

We had music in the praça last night, lots and lots of very loud music.

The botequim had the Boa da Samba van again; I wrote about this on my recent post An Idyllic Thursday. Normally when this van comes along, I escape for more peaceful climes, like a good restaurant, but last night I was skint. This public holiday lark plays havoc with ones finances, hence the skintedness.

So, I figured, it wouldn’t hurt to spend one night listening to the music. It started around 6pm, I couldn’t hear the TV, I couldn’t hear my mother on the phone, the bass reverberated through the house; by 7pm I had a thumping headache. I tried going for a walk to sit on the other side of the park, that was no relief, so back home. All the windows were shut, Lixo was confused because even his ‘cat-window’ was closed. By 9:30, I was praying (remember I am an atheist) the music would stop at 10pm as programmed and that they wouldn’t do encore after encore.

10:03pm, peace and quiet. It was so quiet you could hear the silence.

NOT this Axe

During the week, I saw an interesting Tweet regarding the masculine deodorant Axe by a girl. “The only way you’ll conquer a girl with Axe, would be to spray it in her eyes to incapacitate her!” I don’t use Axe, it is beyond my price range, but it made me wonder if that was really the case for a lot of perfumes.

Quite frankly, I hate perfumes and makeup, and high heels and breast implants, and sexy lingerie and body piercings; in fact there’s not much about the world of female fashions that I do like. I like my women to be natural, nude is far more sexy than lace.

Last week I also saw an interesting ad on TV, shampoo that has caffeine… Now what would I want shampoo with caffeine for (apart from the fact that I’m bald)? You’d lie in bed trying to get to sleep and you can’t because your hair wants to get up and play! Stupid pratts!

They really do produce some useless shit.

Two days until the US elections. I am waiting to see how stupid Americans really are.

You have a choice between Obama, who has destroyed all meaning of the Constitution; and Romney who has back peddled so many times that he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.

In my opinion, if you vote for the Democraps or the Repugnicans, you’re a fool. There are other options for intelligent people.

Sigh! But we all know what is going to happen.

I’ll be back later with a Travel post, this post was actually meant for yesterday but with the thunderous music last night that just wasn’t possible.


You Can’t Disturb Me!

See, I’m already disturbed.

Today is Saturday, it must be, because every calendar I have read today tells me it is.

The sun is shining, it has the prospects of being a beautiful day with the promise of 30°C (about 86°F), which means great beer drinking weather.

Yesterday I had my partial plate fitted, it’s not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. It still isn’t supporting the wiggly tooth, that comes next Friday, but it has filled in a couple of gaps and makes eating a little easier.

I brought new socks yesterday too; real socks, not the stupid little socks I got by mistake.

I have decided the world is a circus…

Because it’s full of freakin’ clowns. The latest clowns to enter the arena are the Russians with their stupidity over Pussy Riot and banning Gay Pride parades for 100 years. Then there’s the American clowns, Swedish clowns and the British clowns doing their slapstick routine over Julian Assange’s asylum. The Israeli clowns are ready to blow the lid off the Middle East abetted by the American clowns. The Australian clowns have shot themselves in the foot over the colour of the ‘plain packs’ for cigarettes, they chose the most masculine colour around, olive green; nothing exudes masculinity like military association. The Iranian clowns entered the stage telling the world to sod off with their humanitarian earthquake aid, then back peddled. The American clowns are sulking, because their new toy didn’t work… again.

Yes, the world is a circus. A sorry sad state of affairs, it’s no wonder that I am disturbed already.

Anyway, on with the business of being Saturday.


Talking to my Fluffy Nuts

Lixo P. Cat (alias Fluffy Nuts)

I am bilingual, actually if you include Spanish which I am rapidly losing contact with, then I am trilingual.

I often have conversations with Lixo, although I call him Fluffy Nuts, why, because he has.

It has been raining for 24 hours, he is bored and decided to get frisky around the house, hurtling from one sofa to the other, ricocheting off the walls, into the kitchen back through the lounge, under the bed all to attack my toes.

Ah, yes, where was I? Languages…

I have had contact with many languages in my time. Among them Dutch, German, Russian, Polish, Vietnamese, Turkish, Qechua and Romanian apart from the ones I speak now. The dictionary is telling me I spelt Qechua wrong, it is insisting that I put a ‘u’ in it, but then it’s an American spell-checker which explains everything.

Apparently bilingualism helps the brain.

Great post Being bilingual ‘boosts brain power’ here.

It says that “But against a backdrop of noisy chatter, the bilingual group were far superior at processing sounds.

They were better able to tune in to the important information – the speaker’s voice – and block out other distracting noises – the background chatter.”

Suddenly it dawned on me… Why American monolinguals vote for Regugnicans and Democraps; they can’t filter the verbal diarrhea spouted by either party.

Fluffy Nuts is back. I thought he had come in peace, but it was only seconds before he attacked me again by sinking a claw between my fingernail and skin. BRB. That shut him up. I had a crappy bit of rump steak in the fridge, diced up a couple of strips. He gets bored when house-bound. He loves to roam the park and local bar. But he has this innate fear of ‘wet’; Even if my hands are dripping from the dishes, it is enough to make him scamper for safety.

This is my last blog to post for the day. I am out of coffee, although it is not beyond the powers of reason that I should make some more.

Coffee is essential to good blogging.

One of my students had the audacity to suggest that I was addicted to coffee… I hastened to assure him that I was merely a dedicated coffee drinker. The impudence!

I know that you will all understand, being enthusiastic bloggers.

I am not addicted to coffee…

If I say it often enough, I will convince myself.

In reorganising my kitchen to accommodate the recycled cabinet on Sunday, I allowed the blender to fall. I discovered today that I had broken off one of the lugs that hold the cup in place. Damn! See, that’s the result of not enough coffee.

I am now going to go for a wander aimlessly through the blogosphere and see what I can find.


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