Tag Archive: Brazilians

Three o’bloodyclock

monday-memes-mercury1That’s the time my day started!

Couldn’t sleep because of the cold, it shrunk my bladder.

Finally denapped about seven, to find not one, but two cats asleep within striking distance on the sofa. Yes, it looks like Clorinha and Kitty have made an uneasy truce. Oh, I must explain, Kitty when said in Portuguese, is pronounced Kitchy, just so you don’t get it wrong. She had a leisurely breakfast until Clorinha batted at her with a “‘it’s-my-turn” paw.

I made coffee, and settled in front of the ‘puter. I had already achieved most of my posting at three o’bloodyclock.

This morning I have to get money from the money machine, pay my rent, buy a new mouse and get some Enos. Now, isn’t that exciting?

It’s Monday, what can go wrong?

The possibilities are infinite.

At least there won’t be any students ringing me to cancel classes… I don’t have students on a Monday.

I am not suffering today, I had two leftover pizza halves with beer last night. Ah, that was after the bottle of Bordeaux with lunch.

So far, I have had an exciting morning. I got a new bottle of gas. It’s the simple things in life that make it worthwhile.

I see in the news that people are complaining about people having BBQs in public places… wankers. Take a leaf out of the Brazilian handbook; where you complain, but you complain about not being invited. We have BBQs in the praça all the time; there were two yesterday.

I am between two thoughts, have a nap, or go to town…

The bed is closer.



The Shit is about to Hit the Fan

And you need to watch out just where the oscillating air recirculation device is pointing.

Seth Blathermouth fizzing at the bung

Seth Blathermouth fizzing at the bung

The initial furore over the 2022 Qatar games is spreading. Five of the six major sponsors are now backing an inquiry. The report being prepared by Michael Garcia is a farce if he doesn’t include the information available.

Meanwhile, Seth Blathermouth is fizzing at the bung and trying to say this is a racist issue stirring up the African countries.

A report today, all 22 sponsors are moving into damage control mode and down playing their sponsorships for fear of backlash.

Some Brazilians are incensed over the money being spent on the FIFA World Cup instead of social and infrastructure projects.

You can't eat a football - image: BBC News

You can’t eat a football – image: BBC News

Graffiti like this appearing around the country shows the discontent.

I am fully in favour of the idea that if FIFA want a World Cup, they and the sponsors build the stadiums and bear the brunt of their rigid requirements, and not take the food from hapless mouths.

The Brazilian people have to bite the bullet and accept that the World Cup starts in two days. Don’t wreck the tournament, if you want power of protest, shun the sponsors, blacklist their products; pressure from the sponsors is the only thing that FIFA will listen to, because it will lose billions of dollars in profits. Hit FIFA where it hurts, the pocket.

Make sure that this doesn’t happen to another country, it’s too late for Brazil, but look to the future.

There is an election this October, and I am picking the incumbent government will lose because of the World Cup.

Raining out there, it started about 3am and looks as though I will get wet going to work tonight.

Meanwhile, I sit here in the comfort of my Extra Forte coffee and blog along.

Google, these are NOT trousers!

Google, these are NOT trousers!

Google has got its algorithms in a twist again. I did a search for trousers yesterday, I wanted an image for a post on Eco-Crap, all I got were pictures of jeans. Google, get your shit together, there is a world of difference between trousers and jeans.

Apps! Apps this and apps that. The 20 best apps were the subject of a news item. I wouldn’t consider an app if my life depended on it.

banappsMy current old cellphone is about to bite the dust, it’s clinging on to life at the moment, but I fear its demise soon.

Then I face the problem of what to get to replace it. I don’t want anything that does netty things, nor am I interested in music, but a camera would be nice.

Ability to have apps, don’t even think about it.

Harking back to football again, read the picks for the World Cup winner from eight enlightened people: Brazil gets 5 mentions, Argentina 3. No other country was in the running.

A Brazil win is what I am hoping for.

My coffee mug is empty for the umpteenth time this morning, I should rectify the situation.


I should, but I don’t want to

I should go to class today, but I don’t want to. I am lacking the impetus, and if I can get my student on the phone, I won’t. It’s too hot.

I have just come back from the supermarket. On a hot day that’s tiring. I had to go, I have been meaning to go since Saturday, but put it off to Sunday, then Monday I was determined and I had my PC drama, so that scotched that idea. Tuesday wasn’t a goer, because I had an earlier class than normal.

It's green

It’s green

I don’t normally drink vodka, but today I saw an apple flavoured one, R$6, so I thought why not? Let’s do something daring.

An American couple have unearthed a hoard of 1,427 gold coins in mint condition buried under a tree. It’s estimated that the value is over $10m.

I must start looking at trees a little closer for a rusty tin.

The pope is worried over the violence in Venezuela, what about the Venezuelans? He suggested dialogue… LOL, that’s a laugh. Dialogue is useful when you are dealing with intelligent people, not psychotic despots; they prefer monolgue. Interesting to note that a party loyal has now criticised Maduro and the violence he has created.

A group of Brazilians afiliated to Anonymous have threatened to disrupt official websites for the FIFA World Cup as an extension of the protests over the government’s extravagant spending on the cup.

Can’t raise my student on the phone, looks like I’ll have to put my big-boy pants on and go.


Arrested Development

Nearly 6pm, half time in the football, can I do it?

I haven’t bee able to blog this afternoon, I haven’t been able to nap. I went to the botequim and I couldn’t even drink, so I came home to watch the football.

A large group of the young locals have super loud music in the praça (park), can’t work, can’t think, can’t drink.

maxinerapmusicThey are playing a style of music here called funk, it mainly involves rap and they play it very loud, deafeningly loud.

I did have one beer, before I decided it was too much ‘culture’. While looking around the group, I decided on the post title; if you took the collective brains present, they still wouldn’t have the intelligence to tie a pair of shoe laces.

There is not a lot to be recommended for funk. If you pronounce that in Portuguese, it becomes ‘funky’. Portuguese doesn’t like words that end in a consonant, so they have to add an ‘e’ sound. It isn’t very ‘funky’, it’s bloody horrible. The only music worse than funk is Bieber. No, I’m wrong, Bieber is just pathetic, not horrible.

Well, that’s about taken the football interval. Flamengo (my team) vs Macae, currently 3-1 to me.


Picking Peppers

One of my modest chili pepper bushes

I grow chili and cayenne peppers in my small modest garden. I love to watch them grow, first green, then orange and then finally fire red.

Today, I had crops from both bushes ready for harvesting.

There is one important fact that one must bear in mind picking peppers; wash your hands before having a pee.

I learned this the hard way.

In NZ we don’t have chili nor cayenne peppers, at least I have never seen them there. We have the capsicum (bell pepper), but not the hot varieties.

It wasn’t until I came to Brazil that I met ‘real’ peppers.

Brazilians have a jar or bottle of pimenta malageta (chili peppers) in olive oil on the table at every meal (breakfast excluded) much as we westerners have a pepper shaker with white pepper.

Our smoker

Our smoker

But it was in Bolivia, c1999, that I learned my lesson. I was a cook in an American BBQ restaurant called Cowboys  in a small plaza in Santa Cruz de la Sierra.

We served great smoked ribs and various other dishes; one of which was hot beans. We smoked our own meat and cooked our own beans. The beans called for a bag of dried peppers in a 30 litre pot. I’m not sure what kind of peppers, but they were about 8cm (4″) long and they were added to the pot during the cooking.

Soon after adding the peppers to the pot I needed relief. No problem, the beans were on a simmer, so off to the bathroom.

It was soon after my return to the kitchen, that I began to get a strange sensation in the lower region. This strange feeling began to intensify gradually until it was evident that my manhood was on fire.

I soon realised what I had done.

I tried washing the affected parts, I tried cold water, I tried ice cubes in my underpants while dancing in a demented frenzy around the kitchen all the while trying to keep a steady supply of dishes for the dining room. Believe me, that’s no easy task when you are more worried about your manhood than food; and whether it will ever function again.

My boss, who doubled as barman and waiter, caught me dancing a fire maddened fling around the kitchen. I explained the reason for my antics, and he left the kitchen with the ready dish laughing his head off.

I, however, didn’t think it was funny, not in the least.

The kitchen closed at midnight, I had spent an agonising six hours, and then I limped home, a twenty minute walk, a much wiser man, with a still warm, tingling sensation in the nether regions.

My advice to any man who handles raw peppers, WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE GOING FOR A PEE!

Must blog along.


This is what I like doing

Yes, this is what I like doing:

Fine dining

Fine dining

It also happens to be what I can’t afford doing.

The above photo was taken at my favourite restaurant a few weeks ago.

I am sitting here, totally stress-free, still waiting for my BBQ delivery.

Last night on my way to work I called in to the store and inquired about my new BBQ. Mad rush around office. It was a case of, “Ah, yes” and then we forgot to enter it in the system. Followed by, “Don’t panic, it’ll be there in the morning!”

Which leads me to wonder why I am sitting here at 2:30pm still BBQless.

I know it’ll get here, it’s just a matter of when. As I explained yesterday with Brazilians it is often ‘whenish’.

I had things planned yesterday. I put them off until today, which means I had things planned today. Now it looks as though I am putting those things off until tomorrow. That’ll be three days wasted.

I have to be at work at 4pm, if it’s not here, I’ll call into the shop again. Of course there is the chance that it’ll arrive after I leave, which is why I’ll leave the gate key with Raimundo at the botequim next door.

No-whiningOne of the things I was going to do today was to got to the supermarket, because there is an absolute dearth of food in the house due to the fact that I didn’t get there yesterday. Having eaten homemade gnocchi for both lunch and dinner yesterday, I don’t think I could face it a third time; tends to get a bit repetitive.

So to break the monotony, I’ll go to my favourite restaurant after classes and whine wine there between mouthfuls of dead cow.

That’s the plan.




A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Not quite, the sun isn’t over the yardarm yet.

But reminded me of an oldie… Ah, nostalgia

The Small Faces from god knows when. (I discovered 1958)

Anybody remember them, just another flash in the pan*.

Congratulations on getting 10 total follows

Congratulations on getting 10 total follows

After all my grizzling about bloggers getting awardy stickery things from WordPress to mark milestones… I got one.

My new blog Some Animals are Crackers got a 10 followers one.

All is forgiven WordPress.

After my monthly phone call from my sister yesterday, during which we swapped ‘getting-a-new-kitten’ stories, she said hers was a Ragdoll Cat.

One Himalayan Ragdoll Cat

One Himalayan Ragdoll Cat, not Cloro, just an example

I have never heard of a Ragdoll Cat, so I googled it.

And, guess what? Cloro is a Ragdoll Cat, they are a species of cat (and dogs).

My pussy has a pedigree.

They are noted for their blue eyes and patches of colour on a basically white background. I just thought that Cloro’s blue eyes were a sign that she was taken from mummy too early.

I wonder in Cloro’s case, if she would not be a ‘Heralayan Ragdoll’? She is a girl after all.

I read a post on a blog complaining about copyright. This blogger had had some material brutally wrenched from her site and blog and reposted.

Personally, I don’t care if someone purloins/steals/robs/borrows my material, if it’s that good, they are welcome to it. Just goes to show that I am doing something right. But, I do like them to acknowledge the source, that makes it even better.

All these wars and things are bringing out the worst. American soldiers pissing on dead Taliban, Australians cutting hands off corpses, etc. This ‘trophy taking’ has happened throughout history. What drives man to these depths of depravity? It’s a very sad indictment on man.

Then there is the São Paulo case of the two robbers who were arrested for shooting a five yer old Bolivian boy while in his mother’s arms because he was crying too much during the robbery got themselves poisoned in jail by other inmates; to me, no great loss, but I bet the other two who are still on the run are shitting themselves.

Two flashes, one from the pan and one from the muzzle

Two flashes, one from the pan and one from the muzzle

*’flash in the pan’ ever wondered where that saying came from? The days of the old flintlock rifles.

Sometimes the powder in the pan under the frizzen would flash without setting off the main charge in the barrel, hence you just got a ‘flash in the pan’, or something of little consequence or shortlived. I have experienced this, I used to use flintlocks as part of my shooting days; it’s quite unnerving, when you brace yourself for the recoil and you just get a ‘whoosh’ and no ‘bang’.


A communal shat room

While waxing on the etymological. Brazilians are bad for determining the difference between ‘ch’ and ‘sh’ in English.

There is a TV ad at the moment that talks about Chat Rooms and they say ” We love, we share, we shat“… what, we shat yesterday? I explain to my students how ridiculous that sounds to a native speaker who understands ‘shat’ to be the colloquial past of the verb ‘to shit’.

Teaching and understanding your language can bring many interesting moments.

I Procrastined my Ated

nutsYes, I kept putting off posting until it was no longer a viable option yesterday.

Today, it appeared to happen again, I kept procrastinating, naps, lunch and beer o’clock took precedence.

Then, my evening students cancelled, which is why I managed to fit in a beer o’clock. I don’t normally drink before class, it’s not unheard of on a sweltering Rio day, but I don’t make a habit of it.

Yesterday, nothing happened. I blogged, but those of you who follow my various blogs already knew that, so why post and tell you?

The most exciting things I have done today, apart from my nap (naps are always exciting, you never know what you’ll dream about), ws to pay my bills and water the plants. The latter exercise was totally futile as it is now beginning to rain.

I see the Catholic church is about to get two more saints, personally I don’t see the point. Haven’t they got enough? There’s already 140 or so. What is the point of saints? It’s all a load of bollocks if you ask me. The saints are dead already, so isn’t communicating (praying) with the dead condemned by the church?

Football (soccer) referees in Brazil will be a lot more wary about red carding players after a game in Maranhão (north Brazil). The ref red carded a player, who then refused to leave the field, so the ref stabbed him and he died on the way to hospital. That wasn’t the end of the story, the spectators invaded the field and decapitated the ref. Why was the ref carrying a knife in the first place? Yes, we have to deal with some nuts.

Obama-In-a-Pickle1Obama is in a real pickle.

First, the news that NSA were spying on Americans, then came the news that they were doing the same to Germans, it turned out that much of Europe was also being spied on. Over the weekend the story broke that they were spying on Brazilians.

The Brazilians are not happy. Dilma (president) has got her knickers thoroughly twisted and the ramifications will be serious. The Americans cannot placate Brazil as they have whitewashed the Europeans, particularly because the Brazilian Constitution makes spying on citizens a crime. Company’s like FaceBook, Google, etc who have collaborated with the Americans could find themselves in prison, and the companies expelled from the country. Expulsions could also  happen at ambassadorial levels, just as Morales is considering in Bolivia after his affair last week.

Basically, the shit has hit the fan, and this time it is big time.

My blog ratings continue to plummet. My Nether Region blog which, prior to 26th Feb, was getting 200+ hits daily (highest daily 1,652), yesterday managed 3, the day before 4, and today an astounding 7 (aken from my Sats Counter, my WP stats are a little better). Something very fishy here, I have no doubt this is orchestrated because of my political views.

Watch this space.



Monday, bah humbug!


I want a pair of these, but slightly more masculine in colour

Yes, another Monday.

They happen every week, you know?

This week is no different.

Last night was brilliant. Brazil managed to give the favourites, Spain, a sound thrashing; 3-0, and win the Confederations Cup at Maracanã, considered the home ground of Brazilian soccer.

I had a bottle of fizzy wine with me at the botequim to open for the first Brazilian goal. I was opening it within two minutes of kick off as Brazil managed their first goal.

Brazil needed this win to uplift their self-esteem which has suffered in recent years.  Brazilians needed to undent their dented egos in preparation for the World Cup next year.

Look at the colour difference

Look at the colour difference

My Saturday students came and went for their last lesson for two months. They brought me a half dozen farm fresh eggs. Now that doesn’t sound like a grand present, but it was wonderful. I had three Sunday and three today with my bacon.

The dark rich colour of the farm fresh eggs when compared to the insipid yellow of the battery raised ones. They even tasted different. I had forgotten. Today’s ‘progress’ has made us forget real food.

Time is marching on. If I don’t get this post up, you won’t get it today.

Time is short tomorrow, probably see you Wednesday.




coffeewarningI still looking for my Prozac…

Until I find it, walk slowly back and make no sudden moves.

I don’t actually take that shit, but I needed a cutesy opening line.

I have had my first coffee and being near lunchtime I am about four short of my requirements.

My students arrived before I could pour the second, then I got tangled up reading the news on BBC, then I googled political satire that kept me amused for more than an hour. The remarkable thing about political satire is that it should be ‘political truths’. You can se a sample of what I found on Shit Happens today. Do you like oxymorons? Try this one: honest politicians.

Still no sign of my Mean Green Leaf Eating Machine, however the deforestation in my garden has stopped.

This is my last blog post for the day, I have completed the other seven. Now it seems as if there is no purpose in the rest of the day. I could cancel the afternoon and move straight into Sunday, but beer or wine could also be an attractive option to get over my winexiety. Lunch today, leftovers from yesterday, I’ll spice it up with some cracked black peppercorns.

Brazilians love anything American, Wrangler jeans, music, all sorts of stuff. Now they are following American manufacturing tactics. Big engineering firm here that makes parts for export to America has just moved their manufacturing plant to South Korea where they can make the same part for less than half the cost to compete with the Chinese. Now it’s Brazilian jobs going overseas, just like American jobs.

My stats are continuing to fall. Yes, I know I am whining, but look at this, Nether Region stats from the beginning when I left Blogspot in Sep 2011.

statsNRLook at that dip in November last year and the plummet from February  (26th) this year. This is the trend on all my blogs, not just one. There’s something screwy going on. I am convinced that I have been sabotaged somewhere along the line.

I work hard to produce my blogs and when I see this, it shatters my confidence totally. I know I am not imagining things, it’s not because the world has suddenly lost its sense of humour (Nether Region is a humour blog), or that cooking and drinking have gone out of fashion; even this blog with 100++ visitors a day, now only gets a max of 30. Six of my blogs got 1,000+ visitors a month, now only 2 of them manage to scrape over the finish line. “There’s something rotten in Denmark,” (I didn’t pick the country, William Shakespeare did).

It’s like my blogs are invisible, with the exception of my regular visitors.

Second coffee down, time for lunch.


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