Tag Archive: farting


The Art of Doing Nothing

busy-doing-nothingIt’s Sunday.

I’m busy.

I’ve blogged my little cotton socks off already. The damned laundry lady arrived early; 6:40am, I hadn’t even coffeed.

In the words of Queen Elizabeth II… “We are not amused!”

However, one must continue in the face of adversity. I have now coffeed… four times and feel somewhat ready to face the day.

The laundry lady has gone. *Breathes huge sigh of relief*

Dilemma, doing nothing is so tiring, because you can’t stop to rest.

They say that it is impossible to ‘do’ nothing.

nothingimpossibleNot true, even if you are watching the veges grow, or paint dry…

IMG_1295The next thing on my agenda today is Nap-fu practice.

karmaI will consider which Karma to enjoy with lunch.

As I am thinking of sushi, there’s a good chance it will be sake. Because I have to open a bottle to mix a little with the rice.

Last night I made some gari (pickled ginger). It’s in the fridge pickling.

I was interested in the current economic recovery bullshit. An article yesterday made the observation that the current slump is the worst since 1860. So where does that leave the ‘recovery’? Any suggestion that the economic situation is recovering is a myth.

Hong Kong’s leader CY Leung is a cowardly wanker feathering his own nest with China’s communist regime because he’s too scared to think for himself. Bloody wimp!

Why does China continue with this ideology? It is well proven and documented that communism doesn’t work. Why did Russia chuck it out? This is where Putin is a political Neanderthal, he dreams of a renewed communist Russia. He’s another wanker.

Ever noticed that in general, the world is governed by wankers?

Ebola, the first tests on the Guinean proved negative, second test today to confirm that result. Okay, that’s a sigh of relief. But lat night a politician announced that the chances of Ebola reaching Brazil is negligible; I call bullshit on that. A second case in America, one of the health workers caring for the Texas guy who died, has now tested positive. The snowball has started rolling.

I mentioned the other day about gun control… Check the video that I posted on Tomus Arcanum today. It’s got a lot of ‘fowl’ language, so if naughty words curl your hair, don’t click on the link. But I think it’s hilarious and says a lot about attitudes.

Yesterday reached 39ºC, that’s about 100ºF+. My plants didn’t wilt, because I watered them and sacrificed my cooked breakfast which I had at 4pm with beer at the botequim. That’s what I love about my life, flexibilty, nothing is rigid, plans can be changed.

Last night at 10pm I felt peckish (NO! I’m not pregnant), so I got a pastel (a fried filled pastry); calabresa (smoked sausage) & onion… I farted all night. It was enough to keep anyone awake.

I think the plants deserve another drink before Nap-fu, although I don’t think the day will be as hot as yesterday; I’m not taking chances.

Later.

UPDATE!

Remember what I said about flexibility?

Well, while I was watering the plants outside my gate the botequim was setting up the BBQ… well, there’s only one thing to do. Put the Nap-fu on hold and have BBQ for breakfast… 🙂

Life is wonderful.

Unsupported

These may have a hole, but they still offer support

These may have a hole, but they still offer support

This morning as I changed put on my underpants, I had a decidedly uncomfortable feeling. The gusset in my clean underpants had finally given up the ghost, leaving me without the normal feeling of support.

This is a weird sensation, one that women will never know; a man needs his support.

Speaking of which, I read yesterday in The Press that there are a new fangled type of underpants, I believe for both men and women; they filter your farts. Yes, a miracle carbon filter removes the smell from your farts. This is a social menace, how will people know if you farted if they can’t smell it? Farts are designed to smell, it’s for the benefit of deaf people, they smell for a reason.

I have always taken a philosophical view of farts. I have never been ashamed of my flatulence, and always admit when I have farted; simply because I want people to know that I don’t always smell like this.

Yesterday, I was visited by the bastard bot from Canada again, my blog got an erroneous 1,700 odd hits. Geez, I hate that, it stuffs up my stats something shocking.

I have been following an irreverent blog called Hot Lard for the past few weeks, but the blogger decided it was taking too much of his time, and closed it to open a newer less time consuming blog called ‘nergfoogle‘ so if you have been nergfoogled today, go and check it out.

*yawn*

I do feel a nap coming on…

Later.

Saturday, at last!

saturdaycoffee

Saturday, coffee and wine glass in the background for later

Well, after a seemingly long day yesterday, I finally changed the battery in the clock. The world began to move again.

Saturday arrived.

I discovered one thing this morning, actually I have discovered it many times, but I was reminded once again of the importance of drinking coffee before the news. I read this headline “Swedish idiots spread beyond the capital!” The I reread it… “Swedish riots…” Oh the folly!

188_Cerveja_Itaipava_Long_Neck_Premium_Pilsen_355_mlToday I don’t have class; my students actually came for a Friday night class so they could drive off into the mountains to Itaipava for the weekend. It’s a place where they bottle water and call it beer.

I call it “Itaipagua!”

The advertising says it’s 100%… yeah, water.

So the day is free of encumbrances. I plan to do nothing, and fully expect the day to be a success.

My ‘nothing’ today will be, do the dishes, so I can make more dishes to do.

I will make mint sauce. I love mint sauce with roast lamb. But as you can’t get decent lamb here, I find it goes well with roast pork; just a little break from tradition  there.

You remember those horrendously expensive shrimps that I got the other day, well I’m going to fry them off in batter, make a tartare sauce and have them with an Italian frizzante wine that is chilling out in the fridge. I know, I said that I would save them for a special occasion, but ooooh the temptation…. Besides, it’s either that or cold roast pork sandwiches; that’s a no contest.

Jerusalem artichokesRemember a few days ago, I said that you waste a day if you don’t learn something new… Well, yesterday I discovered that it is not only cabbage, beans and eggs that make you fart. Apparently Jerusalem artichokes can too.

They are the root of a variety of sunflower.

I didn’t know they existed until I read about them on a blog. They are used to make a liqueur called Topinambour as well. I don’t know if the liqueur makes you fart. Honestly Google is so devoid of information on important issues.

emeraldrockCrack… I have no interest in drugs, but last week on Globo (Brazilian TV channel) they had a series of reports about ‘crack’. Included in the info was that crack had reach the Amazon Indians and creating havoc; but also in a place called Sonho Verde (Green Dream), I think, where the garimpeiros (miners) trade a stone for a stone (an emerald for crack) while underground. Man, that is expensive. But is shows how desperate you get for the drug when you are hooked; and apparently you are hooked from the very first taste.

I’ll stick to my coffee, ciggies, booze and blogging for my fun.

Time to blog along.

Later.

 

 

Eating Healthy

How Lixo keeps cool on a hot day

How Lixo keeps cool on a hot day, he doesn’t like salads

It’s not something that I do often. My tastes in food border on the capricious; I like something, I eat it.

But today I decided on a salad, which was a good idea on a hot day. It would have been nice to have decent ham off the bone, but I sufficed with slices rolled together with provolone cheese; that with lettuce, tomato, onion and boiled eggs.

The thing with salads is they’re filling as you eat them, but half an hour later, one good fart and you’re hungry again.

Yes, it's one of those that require a lot of space behind it

Yes, it’s one of those that require a lot of space behind it, space that I haven’t got

This morning I managed to get the PC across to the kids, set it up for them, got my 29″ TV in return and came home.

I wasn’t sure if the TV even worked, or why the ex was giving it to me. But once I got it home and plugged in, it worked a treat. Now I have to rearrange the living room to accommodate the leviathan. Good excuse for a spring-clean.

Now I have to buy a remote for it. Maybe tomorrow when I go to pay the rent. I’m not giving up my old TV just yet, it has a remote. So the spring-clean will be tomorrow at the earliest.

Students have canceled.

Whoopie! Beer o’clock!

Later.

Blow by blow

virfinalwhitehelicopter

Piccy, BBC

The Pope leaves the Vatican (piccy of pretty virginal white helicopter)

The Pope washed his hands (probably with white soap)

The Pope farted (hmmm, do Popes fart?)

Who cares?

What does an unemployed Pope do?

I think he should join the dole queue like anyone else. He resigned, he didn’t retire, therefore there should be no popy benefits. It’s not as though he is God or someone semi-important.

The last two days have been cooler, with some heavy rain.

Yesterday, I left home and halfway walking to work it began to rain, then stopped when I arrived, but I was already soaked. Walking home, it started to rain heavily and stopped when I got home, soaked again.

I think God is punishing me just because of my views about the Pope.

It’s not because I am not a Catholic, if the Protestant head got the same treatment, I’d be slinging off about him. I don’t play favourites.

Then we’ll have the play offs for the Pope Finale… to see who gets to destroy the world a little more.

Oh, later, I have to go to work.

Farting with Confidence

Raw power

Well, after last Sunday and a very shaky start to the week, I am finally firing on all cylinders. It’s 4:50am and I’m on my first coffee for the day and I can finally fart with confidence.

Last night for dinner I had pizza. I ordered a ‘Maracanã’ half mushrooms and half ‘4 cheese’. Oh, a Maracanã is the next size after gigantic/giant (40cm). It’s the latest craze here in Rio, at 45cm, it’s more than a mouthful.  I managed a little more than a quarter of the beast. Not eating much since Sunday, my stomach had shrunk and I didn’t take that into account. Talk about eyes bigger than your belly.

My mind is like a sieve, several times over the last couple of days, something has crossed my mind making me think, now there’s something to add in a post, and that’s the last I saw of the idea.

The ideas must escape when I blow my nose. I am still doing a lot of that since the ‘flu. It really has been a bad couple of weeks.

I’ll go and get some more coffee and the day will look better and brighter as the house fills with the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

 

Later, perhaps.

 

Big Bang

Big Bang

Not quite that big!

This was fact not theory.

Last night on the way home from work; not that there was any work, I got there and both students decided not to have class, so I turned right around and got the van home.

As I was saying; last night on the way home from non-work, my boss Denis got on the van at the next stop (wait, wait… that’s not the exciting bit). After a detour through a nearby suburb because of road works and traffic we hit the main highway again, Cachamorra and more works. Strange smell, I mentioned that there was the strong smell of gas, there was, it was overpowering. So much so that I asked Denis if he had farted. He looked hurt, the van was crowded. But there was, a very strong smell of domestic gas, as opposed to gastric.

The incident passed and I got home okay. Only to be told by a neighbour that not long after we had passed there was a huge gas explosion and it had totally disrupted rush hour traffic.

You never know how close you can be.

Everything is happening today. Pay day, CTWW (posted), day off, supermarket day, pay bills day so it’s going to be full on. All this takes a whole day, mainly because of the 45km (30 mile) trip to Barra and then back again. But I will console myself with a leisurely sushi lunch while there, so all is not lost.

I am leaving a little later today, because I am waiting for a phone call to verify if one of the other teachers is going in by car and thereby avoiding a bus ride.

So I should go and have a shower and put on some smellies.

Later.

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