Tag Archive: farts


Chain Reaction

Yesterday, I left you as I was about to prepare lunch at 4pm.

Now in order to do that, I had to wash the dishes from Sunday’s BBQ.

That’s about where the laws of physics took over.

DishesChainReaction

Chain reaction

No sooner than I had started the dishes, running water, etc, I had the urgent need to pee.

What is with running water and the need to pee? Do women need to tinkle before doing the dishes?

Eventually, I got my beef curry on rice.

wrackingmybrainHaving got that off my chest. I have another problem. What to write about…

Since yesterday, nothing really exciting has happened in my world. The botequim opened after my lunch, in good time to quench my after-curry thirst.

I was in much agony yesterday, I had a crook back, couldn’t move far, nor fast. That lasted until I went to bed. Woke up this morning, all better.

CeleryButtI planted my celery butt.

I could hardly stand the excitement.

It’s already growing little celeries, so I should soon have celery on call when I need it.

It’s so wasteful at the supermarket when you just need a few stalks but you have to buy a whole plant.

Twitter, dumb stupid Twitter, sent me another list of people to follow. SEO, Marketing Director, Marketing Muse… DELETE!

Google is in the poo again in Europe and unfair advertising. Honestly, Google is too big, too biased, it should be disbanded; or banned from the internet until it stops being such a shit site.

internetleakingI read yesterday that the internet is leaking.

Personal data stores found leaking online

“Thousands of Britons could be inadvertently sharing their digital secrets with anyone who knows where to click, suggests a BBC investigation.

At risk are photographs, home videos and music collections as well as scans of documents such as passports, tax forms and other sources of personal data. In some cases, back-up files are being made available that, if downloaded and restored, could let attackers take over a victim’s online life.

Security firms suggest that attackers have already found out about this easy-to-access source of saleable data and are starting to actively seek it out and share it.”BBC News, link above.

Rather disquietening.

Apparently, it’s not just leaking clouds, but your PC is leaking data too.

It seems as though nothing is safe  from prying eyes anymore.

My piece yesterday about the prostrate surgery of Iran’s supreme leader, prompted a comment that “maybe the Americans had a finger in this…” Then I thought, yes, the American government do have a finger in most unsavoury activity around the world, just like a proctologist.

Another still sunny day, I have wtered my drooping plants. Apparently this weather will continue until Friday, with each day getting progressively hotter than today’s expected high of 32ºC. Not bad, considering we are officially still in winter.

This post was brought to you with oodles of coffee, many cigarettes and not a fart joke insight.

I’ll fix that right now!

fartbeforeLater.

 

 

Two Hamburgers Later

I have no idea, it popped up when I googled ridiculous

I have no idea, it popped up when I googled ridiculous

I had most of my day’s posting done before 4am,

Yes, I know that’s ridiculous, okay?

I woke again about 8:30, and blogged a little more.

That was so exhausting that I retreated to Nap-fu practice and rewoke about noon.

More coffee.

And I made two hamburgers for lunch, actually they were hamburgerlettes, tha buns were so small. I ate the second at the botequim with beer.

Now one of the regulars was there. He had been there since 9ish, I know that because he nearly ran me over while I was standing drinking coffee in the middle of our newly carpeted bit of road admiring the asphalt .

Now, this guy is a nice guy. He’s merchant marine retired and full of stories. But when he’s chapado (drunk) he is intelligible and his most profound statement is something like “AAAARRRGGGHHHH!” with which he punctuates any silence. I couldn’t take it, I came home after one bottle and retreated to a further Nap-Fu.

Another door knocker with bible in hand this morning. Did he get a short shift. He complained that I wasn’t very considerate, to which I replied neither was he knocking on peoples’ gates. He seemed rather stunned by my retort, and stood there blinking in disbelief before toddling off to annoy the early morning chorus at the botequim.

I made this this morning in the early hours.

In the early hours I have my strangest ideas. 3am and coffee do wonderful things to the brain, some people call it inspiration, I call it insomnia.

It alludes to my long-held belief that we (our species) are not of this planet.

Ever figured out why they can’t find the missing link… there isn’t one to find.

I was working on the idea, that we are indeed from elsewhere, somewhere that we were expelled from. Maybe another human like species put all their meglomaniacs on the bus and that is why we are such a pathetically insane bunch. Our collective meglomania has been expunged in some to the point that we became normal, and are ready to put the remaining meglomanics on the next bus to go and terrorise another world.

I haven’t read the full story, just the headline, some idiot wants to open a witchcraft church school somewhere in England. Smacks of Hogwarts. Why? What would the curriculum be?

New Zealand politics has been rattled. The publiction of a new book about the incumbent prime minister’s party’s dirty tricks. Looks like squeaky clean John Keyes is really an A grade slime ball. Oh, and this is just before October elections… This should be fun.

The Chinese have pissed off the Americans. An armed Chinese Su-27 buzzed an American fighter in international waters, coming within 10 metres. Now as a person with limited aviation experience, I can assure you that 10 metres is damned close when you’re thumping along at 600+ knots, close enough to cause skids marks in a pilot’s underwear.

The Russsian convoy has retreated back to Russia. It appears that the relief was intended not for Ukranians but the pro-Russian sympathisers.

That’s it!

The night has been shattered by a rausous cacophony. My concentration is totally destroyed. There are some that would call this music, however, I certainly don’t  SOngs where the same six word are repeated ad nauseum to an infantile beat.

The chances of getting anything coherent from me now are gone.

I feel a thought coming; one that is commensurate with the current effluent music.

fartloadingLater.

 

I’m not ready for bed yet

The bule is ready

The bule is ready

1:30am, mumble, mumble!

I’ve tried twice, both times miserable failures.

Three posts up. I am seriously considering coffee. The bule (coffeepot) is ready.

It needs only the flick of a lighter on the gas to become reality.

The world is going mad. Tonight on TV, you won’t believe this… Father Freaken’ Christmas! Ho ho ho!

It’s only just August!

I thought we had at least another month of sanity left; maybe even six weeks. I have never seen Santa Claus this early before. It should be illegal. It’s disgusting. He should be in jail for perpetrating Christmas sales this early.

Just goes to show the plight of the economy when they have to revert to advertising Christmas this early to generate business. 2008 recovery, there never was a recovery. All the data and good news is just government ‘feel good’ bullshit.

My sparkling mineral water bottle is empty… time to light up the gas.

Clorinha has a definite ear for the fridge door.

Wot du yu meanz, therz no fresh meats?

Wot du yu means, ther’z no fresh meats?

I am convinced that she doesn’t have ears, rather she has radar antenna.

A hungry kid couldn’t hear the fridge door as far away as she can.

The worst part is, sometimes she doesn’t wait for the fridge door, she gets there before me; talk about prescience.

Part of the reason I can’t sleep is that I had a late Nap-fu practice this afternoon/evening. The other part of the reason is I had ham salad for dinner again and all I want to do is burp and fart. Damned rabbit food!

Israel has run out of tunnels. That was the premise for invading Gaza, now the story goes, “we’ll continue until our mission is finished”. Further confirmation that they’re only interested in wiping out the Palestinians.

thaustcoinI see that Australians are asking, “Do we need a queen?”

They may want to become a republic, think, Tony Abbot could become president just like Obama; horrible thought!

thfairy

Australia has lots of queens

But the problem is, that if they get rid of Queen Liz, there’s plenty of other queens to go round.

So it’s rather a case of one queen or another.

Mincing right along…

I need my head read.

Being up at this hour of the morning entertaining the world, well, at least 14 or 15 of you.

Coffee finished, ciggy out, time for my beauty sleep.

Later.

 

 

Chickens don’t Fart

Who, me?

Who, me?

Apparently this is the main environmental concern with poultry/beef and mutton. I didn’t see a mention about pigs, I presume pigs fart.

The production of methane is the issue.

Then I read yesterday that 66% of British poultry is contaminated with camphylobacter… which causes thousands of dodgy stomachs every year.

Then I read that cows eat grass… well, duh, they’re meant to, humans can’t eat grass; whereas chickens are in direct competition to humans for high quality grain.

What it boils down to is we’re damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.

So, what about human flatulence? Isn’t our flatulence methane, or is it some rosy non-smelly stuff?

Yes, maybe we should be looking at taxing humans who fart

Yes, maybe we should be looking at taxing humans who fart

Now if we bring in the human element and measure against cows, who produces the most methane?

As a parting shot… just be glad cows aren’t raised on garlic and cabbage!

Phew!

.

 Clorinha had a tiring day…

Romping around the praça, visiting the botequim, chasing the boy cats next door; life is just so exhausting.

By 8pm she was zonked on the sofa

By 8pm she was zonked on the sofa

Then she stopped out all night. She came for her nightly boomp when I went to bed, then jumped off the bed and didn’t come home until the third coffee.

Strange plant.

Some years ago, I saw this plant in a neighbour’s front yard and was informed that it had to be grown from a fallen seedling.

Sharing a tin with a tomato and two papaya trees

Sharing a tin with a tomato and two papaya trees

I don’t know what made me do it, but a couple of months ago, I passed one in the street and snapped a twig off it. Once in the water at home on the windowsill, it sprouted roots and I transplanted it. The tomato and mamão (papaya) are self sown from the compost I filled the tin with.

Dark green upper leaf and dark purple underneath.

Dark green upper leaf and dark purple underneath.

Any ideas as to what I am growing?

Fourth blog today, halfway there.

Must blog along on this sunny Thursday morning, then it’s off to town to buy a SIM memory for my new cellphone and off to the supermarket for some therapy. I am going to Extra today, they have Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce and a roasting dish with a heavy base that won’t buckle when I make the gravy like my current one.

Oh, the excitement, sends shivers all over.

Later.

 

Unsupported

These may have a hole, but they still offer support

These may have a hole, but they still offer support

This morning as I changed put on my underpants, I had a decidedly uncomfortable feeling. The gusset in my clean underpants had finally given up the ghost, leaving me without the normal feeling of support.

This is a weird sensation, one that women will never know; a man needs his support.

Speaking of which, I read yesterday in The Press that there are a new fangled type of underpants, I believe for both men and women; they filter your farts. Yes, a miracle carbon filter removes the smell from your farts. This is a social menace, how will people know if you farted if they can’t smell it? Farts are designed to smell, it’s for the benefit of deaf people, they smell for a reason.

I have always taken a philosophical view of farts. I have never been ashamed of my flatulence, and always admit when I have farted; simply because I want people to know that I don’t always smell like this.

Yesterday, I was visited by the bastard bot from Canada again, my blog got an erroneous 1,700 odd hits. Geez, I hate that, it stuffs up my stats something shocking.

I have been following an irreverent blog called Hot Lard for the past few weeks, but the blogger decided it was taking too much of his time, and closed it to open a newer less time consuming blog called ‘nergfoogle‘ so if you have been nergfoogled today, go and check it out.

*yawn*

I do feel a nap coming on…

Later.

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