Tag Archive: God


Arseholes

Your average toilet is pretty much like this

Your average toilet is pretty much like this

I have finally found proof that God doesn’t exist.

He made man in his own image, and put the arsehole in the wrong place. Now, surely God shits, he should have known better or are immortal beings beyond the simple act of defacation…

If God existed, he’d have known that at some time in the future man would invent the toilet.

Then why in God’s name did he have the arsehole pointing backwards?

This thought came to me yesterday, when I had a slightly looser than normal motion which slide down the back of the porcelain leaving an unsightly skid mark that required cleaning in case one had visitors.

Now stop going…. “Ooooh, yuck!” You and everybody else in the world craps. You and everybody else has had this happen. Don’t deny it it. I bet even Queen Elizabeth has had this happen after one or two too many gins.

It’s a valid observation. Just because you haven’t blogged about it doesn’t mean there aren’t some fundamental issues involved here.

LOL – fundamental issues… accidental pun.

It just goes to show that God doesn’t exist, we are the result of intelligent design. Although Mother Nature didn’t foresee the evolution of the toilet either.

Of course, it could have been worse… We could have been designed to poop like a hippopotamus.

Talk about the shit hitting the fan. ūüôā

You have been reading this blog long enough to know that I will tackle any issue that causes me to think. When I think, alarm bells should ring.

Today is Teacher’s Day. My day. It should have been an extra day off in recognition of my dedication. But, I had the day off anyway, so the point was rather pointless. However, I did celebrate, I had a BBQ lunch shared with other freg√ľes (regulars) at the botequim, which also involved beer. It made me so sleepy… I have just woken from a wonderful Nap-fu practice.

Nothing else should happen today.

Black Witch Moth (Ascalapha odorata)

I did have a wonderful surprise this morning. I found a Black Witch.

I have never seen one before and it was in my yard. It posed politely for me to snap its photo, but didn’t wait around to autograph it.

Ebola, the US has had a second nurse go down with it and they are trying to locate 132 people who were on the same flight the day before she came down with symptoms. There is now a case in Germany and headline news today says that Ebola is winning the race. That’s not comforting news.

Nothing like an aircraft ventilation system to spread the virus.

“Global shares fall sharply as concerns about weak global economic growth knock investor confidence.” – BBCNews. Has the great correction begun? We’ll know in a few weeks when the value of the dollar plummets to the point where we could offer it to hippos to use as toilet paper; or not.

According to an Australian judge a pregnant Rohinga mother who gave birth in Brisbane has been denied an Australian visa under a law designed to prevent people smuggling. So pregnant women are now people smugglers… great Australian wisdom.

The stupid French are at it again. Trying to takle the problem of teenage binge drinking by making it a criminal offence to encourage teenagers to drink to excess. How about tackling parents and schools who fail to educate their teenagers on this problem. Binge drinking is not criminal, it’s a health issue. Who puts these stupid people in governament so they can make assinine decisions?

The French are not alone. The British are now looking at banning smoking in Trafalgar Square and public parks.

Now that I have upset God, surely I’m going to hell, it’s time to say…

Later.

–°–Ķ–Ľ—Ą–ł

I finally discovered that selfies are a threat. One of my highly esteemed visitors here posted a selfie on his blog. Lenny, just because I did…

Putin' selfies on the net

Putin’ selfies on the net

Not only that; they’re spreading across the world, even Putinland has the ubiquitous selfie = –°–Ķ–Ľ—Ą–ł. But then he deserves them.

Selfies are the peak of vanity, they are horrible, having that arm extended… I truly wonder what we’ll come up with next.

It’s 5am, BTW. I have been up three times already, this time I made coffee, giving in to insomnia.

likeable-blog-20-2x

Off with a hiss and a roar.

My new blog has received various accolades from WordPress, my rats are stattling along. I am surprised, as this is the fastest that any of my blogs has begun. First, 5 likes, then 10, now 20 and this is only the beginning of the third day.

Even God hadn’t got this far on the third day; he was still adding widgets.

.

Now there’s a modern version of creationism.

First God created a blog, he saw that it was good. On the second day he changed the theme to a WordPress light and added an app called firmament…. And on the sixth day he added the Adam widget, and then the Eve widget; which got a virus called Snake which in turn gave the world Apple, apple_logoand the world has never been the same since. On the seventh day God rested and received accolades from WordPress.

I see that Apple is in the poop, deep in the poop. I read a paper yesterday that discloses Apple has imbedded invasive codes into ALL its products, that do nefarious things like giving ALL your personal data, by passing passwords, to third parties. The rot is so deep that there are calls for a thorough criminal investigation and charges against all mid level and top level company executives. The scenario is so bad that it pales NSA into oblivion, apparently.

Another one bites the dust…

Oh, you don’t believe me, then have a read: The Internet of Things. It’s quite scary.

Fist bumps

Fist bumps

Fist bumps.

WTF is with this fist bumps?

I refuse to acknowledge fist bumps. I shake hands.

This fist bumps shit, to me, is a sign of aggression, it stems from gangs, it symbolises ‘yo dawg’.

Whereas a solid handshake is gentlemanly, warmth, solidarity.

Now they’re telling us fist bumps are healthier…

My upbringing says shake hands

My upbringing says shake hands

So I wash my hands and shake hands; or I work elbow deep in shit and fist bump, that’s healthier?

Not in my book.

Don’t thrust your fist bumping at me, if you don’t want to shake hands like a man, fine; just don’t expect a conversation.

Fist bumping is rife here in Brazil, but friends still shake hands.

It’s now 6am, I can see some Nap-fu practise coming up.

Later.

 

Blow by blow

virfinalwhitehelicopter

Piccy, BBC

The Pope leaves the Vatican (piccy of pretty virginal white helicopter)

The Pope washed his hands (probably with white soap)

The Pope farted (hmmm, do Popes fart?)

Who cares?

What does an unemployed Pope do?

I think he should join the dole queue like anyone else. He resigned, he didn’t retire, therefore there should be no popy benefits. It’s not as though he is God or someone semi-important.

The last two days have been cooler, with some heavy rain.

Yesterday, I left home and halfway walking to work it began to rain, then stopped when I arrived, but I was already soaked. Walking home, it started to rain heavily and stopped when I got home, soaked again.

I think God is punishing me just because of my views about the Pope.

It’s not because I am not a Catholic, if the Protestant head got the same treatment, I’d be slinging off about him. I don’t play favourites.

Then we’ll have the play offs for the Pope Finale… to see who gets to destroy the world a little more.

Oh, later, I have to go to work.

Don’t like this game…

wave_blog_main_horizontalDon’t like this game anymore, gonna take my toys and go home!

Doesn’t that just sound like a spoiled brat?

What would happen to the world if God decided to do that? Just up and retire.

If you’re God’s representative on Earth, you can’t retire, it’s a lifetime commitment. You retire at the wheel; you can’t just jump out of the car.

And, he still gets to be a cardinal. What tomfoolery is this? He should be ex-communicated for deserting millions of adherents.

Lixo is lying on the living room floor. As I passed through to get my umpteenth coffee of the morning, I spoke to him; Oh da poor puddy tat lying on da floor,” to which he looked up had a big stretch and lay down to sleep again. Life can be so tiring.

Yesterday was Monday. I did warn you. SNAFU was right. About the hour which I was expecting ex & co, I was at the botequim to greet them. That’s a lie, I was there for the beer; my phone rang. Ex – “Had an unexpected visitor, can we make the ‘dead cow’ experience tomorrow?” What could I say, “No, sod off!”? So the ‘dead cow’ experience will be today, I’m such a softie.

SC Chile SauvignonBlancGood reason to have a third beer; and a fourth. Then Lincoln trotted out a bucket of JB whisky. Well, it wasn’t really a bucket, but it was a very big glass.

Fifth beer and joined the crowd at the BBQ.

Then I thought about the cold wine in the fridge…

Chilean Sauvignon-Blanc, actually, the thinking was a split second, the drinking took a little longer.

Crisp and dry, ideal for a scorcher.

Got another bottle in the fridge for today. Ex won’t drink it, she only likes sweet wines. Still got that Italian bubbly that I never opened on New Years Eve in the fridge, that may just meet a similar fate.

Lixo still lying on the living room floor. He has rolled over, that must have taken some effort.

Last night all the TV programmes were stuffed up. Earlier than normal, shorter than normal, so they could show Big Brother Brazil (stupid effin’ unreality show) before televising the Grupo Especial parades at the Samb√īdromo. They could have knocked BBB on the head and let us see the normal programmes.

Vila Isabel - image: guiadasemana

Vila Isabel – image: guiadasemana

Lots of people, noise, colour and skin.

bruna-bruno-do-especial

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