Tag Archive: gonads

And so it came to pass…

learnbuttonI have always maintained that a day in which I learn nothing new, is indeed a day wasted. It’s a sort of philosophical thingy of mine.

Today I learned something new. I’m not actually sure that I wanted to learn this particular aspect of human behaviour; but there you go, once you learn something, you can’t ‘unlearn’ it.

It is, therefore, with some trepidation that I am going to share this perplexing puzzling strange weird perverse (I’ll find the right adjective in a moment, I’m getting close). Actually this stopped me dead in my tracks. I was about to get coffee, and nothing, but nothing can deter me from the singlemindedness of this task, but this did. My coffee mug remains empty beside me, this gives you an understanding of the gravity of the situation.

I am talking about ‘sneaky nuts’…

What’s that? You may well ask. I stumbled on it because I read in The Guardian of an Australian (had to be) politician who was censored because he ‘Liked’ a sneaky nuts prank on FaceBook. This piqued my interest. I was still in peanut, cashew nut, almond mode being totally innocent in this affair.

When I googled ‘sneaky nuts’ was stunned being presented with images like this…


Apparently ‘sneaky nuts’ involves exposing one or both of ones testicles in a photograph; popping a nut, so to speak.

Why would anyone do this?

all-canesI mean the human gonads are nothing remarkable in the world of nature. I mean take a bull, for example, now there’s a mean set of gonads, and the pizzle is big enough to make walking sticks out of, or a mean looking Warrant Officer’s swagger stick.

The human pizzle is more of a frizzle in comparison.

Even the humble pig sports a pair worth showing off.

Now if you had a pair like this, you’d be justifiably proud to pop a nut for a photo.

pignutsSo you can appreciate that the human male doesn’t have much to show by comparison.

Having said all that, I will apologise to all those of a sensitive disposition and the religiously disturbed. I realise that not everybody wants to be confronted with a discussion on testicles first thing on a Friday morning.

Let’s move along, shall we? <—— Rhetorical question

My coffee cup overfloweth…

Yesterday I went shopping. It was my plan to buy an extra set of speakers and a mouse for my Think Pad to leave at work thereby negating the necessity of taking everything with me to work.

That part of the day was a success.

My next plan was to have lunch, no not Brazeiro, that gets a little expensive all the time. In order to get from the ‘puter place’ to the desired restaurant I had to pass a furniture shop which I often check because they have specials at times. Indeed, yesterday they did.

kidneytableI had thought of buying a decent coffee table, you see the one I have was salvaged from the trash. It was one of those called kidney shaped, well that was what my dear departed mother called it; we had one when I was a kid. Totally useless because they don’t really fit anywhere. But four years ago when I found it, beggars can’t be choosers.

I had seriously considered one of the same suite as the shelves that i have just bought, but the price tag was R$350. I was pleasantly surprise to see an oblong coffee table ‘pague e leve’ (pay and take it) for R$99. I went and had lunch, but this idea niggled at me all through a good meal. After lunch, I went back to the shop.

A discussion, can’t buy anything without a discussion in Brazil. If I was to buy the table, could they deliver it across the road to the taxi stand? A reasonable request, I thought, brandishing my walking stick to justify that I needed assistance.

mesa de centro artely masterThe answer… “No! Not allowed to.” Which after some haggling became “Well, for R$20.” I couldn’t believe it! R$20 to walk across the road! Bloody unbelievable, I entered tantrum mode (I’m 60+ but I still remember how to throw a tantrum). The nice man took it across the road to the taxi stand, just to get me out of the shop, I was becoming an embarrassment. See, tantrums work.

Remember that when your rugrat throws one next time.

So the afternoon was spent assembling and admiring my new coffee table.

I now have one of these in my living room. *satisfied grin*

My set of tower shelves has just arrived. They will come and assemble it tomorrow.

My Nose Ran Away

Runny Nose

Yes, I have a runny nose, a sore throat and I feel like this little boy, lost with my Mummy.

You see, really, I am just a big boy ex-pat living on the other side of the world. When boys get sick, they are dying.

So it’s good that it doesn’t happen often. I haven’t felt like this in more than three years.

We have had weird weather the previous two days. Monday started out wonderful after a very wet three days; sun was shining, the birds were singing. Then, 11am the weather closed in, and an hour later we had a ten degree temperature drop and a return of the miserable wet weather of the weekend with torrential rain all afternoon. Tuesday was okay, lovely, went to work, went to the supermarket for some therapy, came home and had a nap, when I woke… I was all stuffed up!

Coristina-D tablets

Drank tea, freshly squeezed lemon juice, in the evening I finally resorted to heavy drugs, Coristina-D, that’s like heavy artillery.

Today I am running on coffee and heavy artillery again.

At the moment I am making a soup. I don’t often make soups, but feel the need of comfort food. I had some roast pumpkin and potato left overs in the fridge from yesterday’s lunch. I am boiling them, then I will mix it with the gravy from yesterday and add a box of cream and sprinkle cracked black peppercorns and lemon zest on top.

Today in Rio de Janeiro is the beginning of Rio +20 ‘another’ conference on the global environment and sustainable living. I have not faith in it being any more successful than Rio 20 years ago, Kyoto, Johannesburg, Copenhagen, all failures, total failures. Of course the problem is that the conferences involve politicians trying to solve the problems that they created with the same mentality. You can’t resolve problems by using the mentality that created them. The paradigm has to shift.

Stupid freakin’ robots

I was about to turn the TV off after the lunch time news and the next programme had just started, I paused. I wish I hadn’t, but I did. The first announcement of the next Big Brother Brasíl 13 coming. Oh no, crap. We’ve just got the last load of banality off the screen. Now we are going to be pestered with those stupid little freakin’ robots again every ten minutes until the next series starts.

Lixo, has eight lives left. He narrowly missed getting run over by a motorcycle last night. He does have this habit of sitting/lying/lazing/abluting in the middle of the road in front of the botequim (bar), well, it nearly came to an end last night. The motorcyclist was speeding, one of these damned pizza delivery types. He got to discover just how well a foreigner can utilise the Portuguese vernacular. He did return past the botequim, he discretely went the long way round to avoid us, he knew there was an ambush waiting complete with posse and noose. At least Lixo suffered no physical injury, just his pride. But a good lick of his fluffy little gonads soon mended that.

Have you ever wonder why cats lick their balls?

Because they can, it’s simple.

Off to make soup.




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