Tag Archive: internet


howIfeelWell, not so much a burp.

Rather a case of hiccoughs.

A burp is once only, normally not so disruptive, unless it happens to be sufficently oppulent and it might then shock an old lady out of her prim little socks.

Yesterday my internet had a case of hiccoughs.

It was just before 6pm when I realised that I hadn’t posted here. I opened the ‘Beep beep boop’ page and wrote the title and that was as far as I got when I discovered the net was down. Not an ISP problem, but further up the chain as sometimes happens; nothing the ISP can do about it, except wait patiently.

The net eventually returned, only to go down again. Then it was a case of up and down for the rest of the evening until I gave up and went to bed. I was so miffed that I haven’t replied to some comments from yesterday. I’ll get on to that after this post.

It was up again when I woke, but already past the midnight deadline, so I missed and decided it can wait for morning.

I finally found a New Years resolution that I am sure to abide by. Not to become a pole dancer in Mongolia. I think that’s a fairly safe bet. Maybe next year, but I vow that it will not happen this year.

Yesterday was hot. No classes, the botequim was open, so there was only one logical choice. I went. Only to find out that a regular was about to pass the supermarket; an idea that I had been procrastinating. I accepted the offer, changed and went.

Lunch was a sandwich snack. Fresh ham and chopped spring onion greens. Just enenough to keep the walls of my stomach from collaspsing in on each other and went to the bar with a plate sliced Provolone cheese drowned in olive oil and spring onions to nibble on.

With a chilled beer and nibbles, I proceeded to do nothing for the rest of the day.


NOT these mutton chops

NOT these mutton chops

On returning to the botequim once I discovered the net was down, one of the fregües mentioned that he had found a place that sold mutton chops.

I have never seen mutton chops for sale in Brazil before. I knew that on rare occasions they had them…

The mere thought of mutton chops with gravy or homemade mint sauce set my wouth watering.


Today I will go and get some for the next BBQ.

I am now being tormented by the prospect and have visions of delicious chops floating before my eyes… No, wait that’s probably an early sign of cornea problems.

Visions waft before my eyes

Visions waft before my eyes

The Charlie Hebdo massacre in Paris has shocked the world. A terrible thing to happen. Islamic leaders all over the world have decried the actions of the terrorists, reiterating that such acts are in no way connected to the ideals of Islam. But we have to remember, that this is not just a Muslim thing, the Christian churches were not above such actions and genocide in history. Which all reinforces my own atheism, because if there was a merciful god or a prophet, this wouldn’t happen.

It’s a terribly sad and bitter world we live in.

Silly Box: Tony Idiott has mad a surprise visit to Iraq. A surprise visit indicates that he has given no thought about the matter. I finally understand how to tell if he is on the level… he dribbles equally from both corners of his mouth at the same time.

At the moment, that’s all I have to entertain you with. It’s time for the anti-wilt parade. Love my plants, generally hate humanity, but love my plants.



internet service downThis is not a post. There is nothing here.

Just explaining that on my return home last night at 7pm, I had wonderful plans to write the last post of the day here; only to find the net was connected but not accessible.

It remained so until 1:30am this morning which was the last time I was conscious.

Only now at 6am did I discover, it’s back.,

I have to get my coffee organised, deblurr my eyes and pee… not necessarily in that order.


I am so cool

Not cool... just another little wanker

Not cool… just another little wanker

No, NOT Joe Cool, or Bieber cool.

The weather is cool, and therefore I am too. I’m not complaining, it’s pleasant after our recent hot spell.

I read of an ingenious way of getting around the problem of no net on An Englishman in Italy. I love his blog. After his post, I commented: “I have a similar problem at work. No, it doesn’t involve a yacht’s mast, yet. I was able to get a connection when the other firm occupied the room next to my classroom. But they moved across the road. It was fine when they had the router near the front window, but they moved it to the back room; now with an extra wall between us sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Maybe I should look for a mast…”

If you want to understand the yacht mast you’ll have to read his side of the story.

It was so handy having the net in class. I used to d/load music and song lyrics and also to demonstrate things relating to English culture. I must try and convince my bossette that the net is a good teaching aid, but she is very old fashioned and bleats about the cost of everything. Last week I asked for fly spray to combat mosquitoes that were annoying students; you’d have thought I had asked her to put a down payment on the crown jewels instead of an R$8 can of spray. Then I got a lecture about how to use it frugally.

Apparently people do cook lipstick

Apparently people do cook lipstick

Did you know that the average woman consumes 6lbs of lipstick in a lifetime… Quite frankly, I am amazed, I have never thought of eating lipstick, I wonder how they cook it, or is it eaten raw?

On a different eating theme. I love avocado milkshakes. Half an avocado, lots of ice and milk. into the blender.

Drink it until the pain hits, right at the base of the skull. Brain Freeze! Oh why do I do it.

Last week I made them for my kids when they visited.

Emmylee’s immediate response, “I’m not drinking that, it’s Shrek poo!” Sigh, that’s an eight year old for you.

I showed her the avocado skins and finally convinced her to try it. She liked it. Now they’re called Shrek poo!

Shrek poop

Shrek poop

Ebola. They’ve been telling us lies… again. In 1990 Ebola was recognised as being airborne.

The British pound is falling, it has upset money markets. Now tell me again where is this economic recovery they keep talking about.

Hong Kong situation explained in intelligable language by Andrew in a great post. Thanks Andrew, that was well done.

Must be time for Nap-fu practice.


Chain Reaction

Yesterday, I left you as I was about to prepare lunch at 4pm.

Now in order to do that, I had to wash the dishes from Sunday’s BBQ.

That’s about where the laws of physics took over.


Chain reaction

No sooner than I had started the dishes, running water, etc, I had the urgent need to pee.

What is with running water and the need to pee? Do women need to tinkle before doing the dishes?

Eventually, I got my beef curry on rice.

wrackingmybrainHaving got that off my chest. I have another problem. What to write about…

Since yesterday, nothing really exciting has happened in my world. The botequim opened after my lunch, in good time to quench my after-curry thirst.

I was in much agony yesterday, I had a crook back, couldn’t move far, nor fast. That lasted until I went to bed. Woke up this morning, all better.

CeleryButtI planted my celery butt.

I could hardly stand the excitement.

It’s already growing little celeries, so I should soon have celery on call when I need it.

It’s so wasteful at the supermarket when you just need a few stalks but you have to buy a whole plant.

Twitter, dumb stupid Twitter, sent me another list of people to follow. SEO, Marketing Director, Marketing Muse… DELETE!

Google is in the poo again in Europe and unfair advertising. Honestly, Google is too big, too biased, it should be disbanded; or banned from the internet until it stops being such a shit site.

internetleakingI read yesterday that the internet is leaking.

Personal data stores found leaking online

“Thousands of Britons could be inadvertently sharing their digital secrets with anyone who knows where to click, suggests a BBC investigation.

At risk are photographs, home videos and music collections as well as scans of documents such as passports, tax forms and other sources of personal data. In some cases, back-up files are being made available that, if downloaded and restored, could let attackers take over a victim’s online life.

Security firms suggest that attackers have already found out about this easy-to-access source of saleable data and are starting to actively seek it out and share it.”BBC News, link above.

Rather disquietening.

Apparently, it’s not just leaking clouds, but your PC is leaking data too.

It seems as though nothing is safe  from prying eyes anymore.

My piece yesterday about the prostrate surgery of Iran’s supreme leader, prompted a comment that “maybe the Americans had a finger in this…” Then I thought, yes, the American government do have a finger in most unsavoury activity around the world, just like a proctologist.

Another still sunny day, I have wtered my drooping plants. Apparently this weather will continue until Friday, with each day getting progressively hotter than today’s expected high of 32ºC. Not bad, considering we are officially still in winter.

This post was brought to you with oodles of coffee, many cigarettes and not a fart joke insight.

I’ll fix that right now!





A different wasted

A different wasted

NOT this wasted.

I had a successful morning posting, then I opted for some Nap-fu practice.

I woke at 1pm, and the net was down, Four hours totally wasted.

So I begrudgingly washed the dishes.

Net was till down.

So I cooked lunch, bacon and eggs, it was sort of a late breakfast really.

Now I have 45 minutes to entertain you and read all my emails that flooded into my inbox when the net returned. So, if I don’t get back straight away, you know why.

I had an exciting morning. Between posts I watched the councilmen put new asphalt down on the next road. I felt like a little boy again, especially when the roller flattened the new seal. See, boys never really grow up, we just get bigger.

I won’t bite any more, promises Suarez Time will tell.

There’s a new play on in a theatre in Ipanema “The sexlife of an ugly women”. I saw the ad on TV last night. The woman is actually a man, of course, and is truly hideous. I am so tempted to go and see it. But Ipanema is like 60km (40 miles) from here, and needs three buses there and three back.

About this colour

About this colour

Kitty  has just come in. Fed and watered, had a good petting and is now using my bed as a bathroom. I am still hopeful of getting one of the kittens, but am puzzling over a name. My initial thought was Chocolate, but they are too light for that, they’re more of a cappuccino colour. Cappy? I’ll have to think about that some more.

I still have at least six weeks before they’ll be ready to leave Mommy.

The time has flown. I must leave in 10 minutes. It’s a good thing I am a man. Don’t need to choose my jeans, don’t need to worry about colour coordination, don’t need makeup. I just pull on my jeans, add socks and shoes, grab the nearest shirt, grab hat and lock the door. Total time takes about four minutes and I’m at the gate with my walkingstick.



Half Started



Yes, I’ve got the window open. Actually it has been open for a couple of hours. I am waiting for inspiration.

*Looks around the room*

Today, I am on the mend. I feel shattered after this last bout of Montezuma’s Revenege.

After yesterday morning’s trots, I expected this to be the result, but the ediface stood up well. I feel more like this than the throne.

My hopes of getting a photo of Kitty’s kittens lapsed yesterday afternoon, when I was informed the the untrustworthy bastard had collected her and them and taken them home late Saturday.

I didn’t see Kitty until this morning and she has been in three times today.

Lovely day to start with, woke up from Nap-fu practice at 2pm and needed to turn on the light it was so dull and chilly. We could well be in for rain later during the night.

Beer Pillow

Beer Pillow

I found this the other day…

Want one!

About the quality of blogs. I hit a link the other day, 100 Best Blogs on WordPress. I don’t know what they use as their criteria, but I was moved to open two and they weren’t worth the finger pressure.

Maybe my expectations are too high.

Twitter is the same, but worse. All the time it suggests Twits to follow, I have never followed one; opened a couple but closed them quickly again. You’d think with all their damned algorithms and junk that they’d learn I don’t like this shit.

I thought I’d clarify something. Any blogger who likes one of my posts, I visit. I get quite a few new posts emails too. If the content is in any way commercial or product reviews, I ignore it. I believe I have ads on my blogs, this is not my choice; I’m stuck with the damn things because I have free blogs. If I could get rid of them without paying, I would. I hate this advertising shit. I have never knowingly clicked on an ad on the internet, and will never do so. I find this kind of advertising to be instrusive and an abuse of a person’s rights. Oh, not only WP, but every site. I have three ad blockers loaded, so in the main I am not worried anymore.

My opinion of the internet is it should be free, if it’s on the net, it’s free. If you want somebody to pay for it, then advertise elsewhere. Waaaay back in the early days I bought one programme, and that was it. I haven’t paid for anything since.

funny-love-heart-pint-love-you-too-beer-picsI am here neither to make money, nor spend it.

I know, the kids are right; I’m a velho caduco (grumpy old man).

I think everyone should have something to believe in, something to love and to cherish. It is for that reason, when I have finished this post, I believe I will go for a beer.

My blog post with 18 Likes has been joined by two more. I must be doing something right.

Liberia has lost 17 Ebola patients after the centre for treatment was attacked. This is going to blow out of all proportion. If it becomes global, it’ll make AIDS look like the commom cold.

Saw a disturbing report yesterday. Horses in California and the westcoast are sick, hundreds of them, some are so sick that their skin is falling off. It’s not happening anywhere else and it has never happened before Nobody knows why. And, nobody is suggesting it is the results of fallout from Japan’s Kukushima troubles. I am. If this is happening to horses, what’s in store for humans?

We are fools. We don’t know what we are doing. We don’t have any idea of the consequences.

Nothing very funny today, just random thoughts.

Beer o’clock.


The weather took a turn

It was forecast, but yesterday as I left for work, the heavens opened. I got halfway there and got soaked, so I came back home and rang my student, moved the lesson to Friday.

Rained all night.

Today, I have been curled up in bed between posts. Huddled under a blanket in my woolly sweat pants and two t-shirts.

My Nap-fu practice, is normally flop on the bed in my underpants, quite inelegant, which is why I have never taken a selfie. But today there was no ‘flopping’ rather a slow crawling lethargic roll to get under the blanket.

I cleaned it

I cleaned it

Yesterday, Posted a picture of my bule (coffeepot).

I was quite shamed by its state, so ashamed in fact that last night I spent 20 minutes scrubbing it.

Today it sits there almost gleaming.

I have been reading some posts recently about tea drinking and the associated benefits, also some of the comments received have alluded to the tea drinking habits of the British.

Since yesterday, I have been drinking tea; black tea without suger, which is how I prefer it.

Sorry, doesn’t cut the mustard.

This afternoon I am back on coffee; that mug of liquid sanity.

The latest member of my entourage.

skinnytortoiseshellA scrawny tortoiseshell.

She’s from the same household as Kitty. I have no idea what her name is, but she has taken a liking to me. Or is it the cat food she has taken a liking to?

She’s more friendly than Kitty and jumps up willingly on the sofa for a petting.

She’s got a long skinny rats tail, but I like my cats with big fluffy tails, like Cloro and Clorinha.

My yesterday’ post about the chages to WP posting page got misunderstood. I like the changes, but being faced with them at 1:30am without coffee was rather daunting. For those of you reading, if you have had problems with the post preview, it’s probably because you have pop-ups blocked; like me. The preview now comes as a pop-up page. I don’t know why they fixed it, the new tab was working fine. My philosophy is if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. I still want to know what a ‘slug’ is (found under advanced setting).

They say the internet is full. There is a likelyhood of it shutting down.

Is the internet ‘full’ and are we in for a rocky ride over the next few weeks? Photograph: Alamy Click the image if you want the BBCNews about this

That’s a worry, if the internet shuts down, I’ll have to do other things, like the dishes…

ISPs with old equipment are already being affected. Hence the FB outage a week or so ago.

Mind you, FB wouldn’t be a great loss.

But the mind boggles at the thought of a blogless world.

Here in Brazil, we received a shock yesterday. Eduardo Campos, one of the presidential hopefuls for this year’s elections in October, was killed in a plane crash. There are six serious candidates, Campos and Aércio Neves were the two choices in my mind. The other four, include a slovenly disinterested cuss, a slime ball, an ex-evangelical preacher who is crawling up the collective religious asshole and the blonde bimbo incumbent; who was top of the pops. I am hopeful that Campos’ followers will migrate to Neves and knock the blonde bimbo off her perch.

The whole dynamic of October has been thrown into disarray.

I must get organised. Fifteen minutes before I am due to leave for class. At least it isn’t raining so I should get there dry and cold.


Taking the Next Exit


The coffee is not so gritty today.

Lunch is part way done. As is most of my blogging for the day.

Good bye my friends, our time together was so short

Good bye my friends, our time together was so short

After lunch I have to go and pay the rent.

I am late this month because of all the public holidays and that my pay was received on the eve of them.

Clorinha has decided that kitty biscuits are not good enough, she wants mince.

Yesterday I gave her the trimmings of a T-bone steak… not good enough. Today I gave her the trimmings of a pork chop… not good enough.  So I have relented and taken a small pack of mincemeat out of the freezer.

Damned finicky animal!

grumpycreditcardI’ll try her on fish tomorrow as I have taken some flounder out of the freezer for lunch. This beast could become expensive… but then she’s a girl, fast becoming a woman.

I’m waiting for the day when she wants her own credit card.

The Americans are going to screw up the net, by allowing fast lane services to be more expensive. Here in Brazil they have just had a conference about net neutrality, and differentiating services were specifically banned.

Interesting comment: Snowden screwed up the internet… I had to laugh, it was the Americans who screwed that up; Snowden just told us about it.

Now the Russians, along with the Germans and Brazil look as though they are going to split the net into fractions because of the American spying, now tell me that Snowden screwed it up; that ball falls directly in the American court.

Oh, the Home Office, those sadistic bastards, are at it again. Lately David Cameron has been spouting on about FGM (you know what that is? Female Genital Mutilation, look it up, it’s horrifying) and backing the cause to ban it and enforce the law in the UK. The British figures for this practice are shocking.

But the Home Office is going to deport a Nigerian mother and her two daughters (one of whom was born in the UK) today after she failed in her legal efforts to stay in England. In Nigeria her family are staunch supporters of FGM, and the woman is afraid, and rightly so, that her relatives will take the matter into their own hands and do it. The mother suffered FGM as a girl and she doesn’t want her daughters to have it done, but once she is in the hands of her relatives, it’ll happen.

If there was ever a cause for humanitarian consideration, this is it. David Cameron, pull your head out of your sanctimonious arse and stop this deportation!

These bureaucratic bastards need to be hamstrung.

Crimea is crying because the Ukraine has cut their water off, not right off, but reduced it drastically. The matter of overdue payments was overlooked while Crimea was part of the Ukraine, but now that it is, dubiously, part of Russia the Ukraine wants payment; rightly so.

This of course will be the ruin of Crimean agriculture, grape harvests and the like. They should have thought of that before becoming Russian. Crimea is now a Russian problem, let them give you water. You made the choice in your illegal referendum.

*climbs down off soapbox*

Time to go and finish cooking lunch.


I Apologise

traction engine 1912

A dead traction engine. This has nothing to do with the post, just to take your mind off… you know who

To all those who have spent a lifetime trying to forget Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop, or at least pushing them far back into cerebrum so as to not have instant recall. It was truly a mean trick on my part… I promise I will never mention them again.

I’m late today because after I had finished most of my blogging, the net went down. So I watered my plants, I did the dishes, I cooked a quick late breakfast, put on my shorts and went to the botequim for a beer; it was the only sensible thing to do.

When I returned, the net was back on. See, beer does fix everything.

Wonderful old beasts of burden. I decided that a traction engine could be featured, such steam-powered glamour has gone the way of many things in our lives.


I remember these behemoths way back in my childhood; belching smoke as they sped along at all of 8mph. Now you maybe lucky to see one in a transport museum, and probably static at that. Theoretically, I could have driven one; my drivers license was valid for solid rubber tyres. But I would have had no more idea about the ‘steam’ stuff than fly to the moon.

The latest fad; neknominate. Apparently it is taking a selfie video, while downing an alcoholic beverage, then nominating/challenging someone to do the same idiotic trick. I’m not sure of the ins and outs, but it has led to some deaths, so it is dangerous. If you are challenged, or have the urge, please don’t. Alcoholic beverages are for civilised people, not intended for the  foolhardiness of youth to show off their prowess, however dubious that might be.

I found this that might help explain: People record themselves chugging or “necking” — usually beer — often doing something else extreme at the same time. Then they nominate others to out-drink them.” – CBCNews

Mind you, I can remember some of the silly drinking games of my youth; Colonel Huff (sometimes referred to as Cardinal Puff), is one that springs to mind. Guaranteed to get you trunker than you dink you are. I can remember yodelling out the barracks window at some ungodly hour after one session. Oh, I was as drook as a cog. The most embarrassing part was being made to wash down the barracks wall by the duty corporal in front of the rest of the flight.

In fact, if I remember rightly, that was the last time I ever played Colonel Huff…

On that note I will say…



Apocalypse II

The mystery over the botequim being shut has reveled itself.

I must admit, that fearing the worst had crossed my mind. I am so glad to report that it was nothing as nefarious as it could have been.

The local futbol (soccer) club, which has its base in the bar because most of the members are regulars, have gone on a trip to play football and do some cavorting, Raimundo too.


The tab

Now there is another bar on the other side of the creek. It’s not that I am too lazy to walk that far, but, although I am known there, I don’t drink there.

As I was broke, the other bar/shop doesn’t have a prego (nail), so I couldn’t say, “Bota no prego,” (“Put it on the tab”) and walk out like I can at Raimundo’s.

The problem has been solved, however. A neighbour was going to the supermarket where they have an ATM, so I got a lift there and back. The neighbours here are so good.

Yesterday was hot, 43ºC. today is already the same. So I am loathe to go far. I’ll throw another slab of the rump steak on the hot plate, and I had the forethought to put beer in the fridge today.

Boy (10-12) using tablet pc

In all probability he can’t tie his shoe laces

Read a report this morning, more Canadian kids can navigate a tablet than tie their shoelaces… ah, isn’t technology a wonderful thing? I wonder when they’ll have an app for that?

A whopping 97% of Brazilian kids are on the net.

Yes, even some Indians in the Amazon have net via solar power and satellite.

There are  villages that have their own homepages. I have stumbled across some in my perambulations around the net.

18 month old Marius

18 month old Marius

The tragic case of Marius the giraffe in a Denmark zoo that was put down because of EU rules about inbreeding.

Despite a campaign to save him, and an offer from an English wildlife park to take him, the powers that be decided his fate.

To me it was a callous and needless sacrifice.

How about we check the genes of the arsehole that mad this decision, and if they are found wanting, put him down with a captive bolt gun.

There are people in this world who call themselves human, they have no right to.

2pm, time for lunch, beer and a nap; probably in that order.


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