Tag Archive: Nap Fu


Não fui eu!

Messers Grant and Ballantine's sons

Messers Grant and Ballantine’s sons

“I didnt do it!”

At least not this time.

…I started this post a few moments before the Nap-fu fairies took control; and in my dreams I had a wondrous post to offer, but then I woke but a few moments ago and it’s all gone.

I am blaming the son’s of Mrs Grant and Mrs Ballantine, for had it not been for them… I wouldn’t have needed coffee at 5pm.

Back track…

Noon, blogged a little, woke from Nap-fu. I went to the botequim after a cheese sandwich (fridge is empty). There was some idle chatter and the idea of a BBQ was mooted.

Of course, this appealed to me, admitting that I was duro (broke). Carlinhos (Little Charles) appeared with a bag of charcoal and thrust it in my lap… what was I to do? Of course, I made ready the weapon of choice, the churrasceira (BBQ).

Before he returned, Edlúcio (don’t ask me to explain Brazilian names) arrived with a bag; which was just as well because Carlinhos returned with not meat. The why, I never asked.

Edlúcio proceeded to take over the BBQ, and I produced a bottle of Ballantines, sauerkraut, and ice and soon meat was rolling of the BBQ. It was a change to be BBQed for and not be the BBQer.

Brazilians really are an uncultered lot. They had no idea that sauerkraut (pickled cabbage) existed.

I did learn something. I have always acclaimed that if you don’t learn at least one new thing, the day is wasted. One of the things that Edlucio had was liguiça caseira (homemade sausages) on a stick. I learned that this was a mixture of mincemeat, minced bacon, herbs, onion and mint. Well, talk about delicious…

My half bottle of Ballantine’s was reduced to dribble, Ricardo, who had been given a bottle of Grant’s by another fregües (regular) replaced the gap on the table.

End of the story.

I was sorely in need of another Nap-fu preactice; from which I have just woken.

My eyes feel like sandpaper, the coffee is helping. It really is a wonder drug.

During the course of things. It was demanded that I produce my Father Christmas hat; which was already in the drawer after the weekend to await another Christmas.

I am glad that I succumbed to the demands. Because Sofie would never have met Father Christmas if I hadn’t. Hopefully I will have a photo of this encounter tomorrow, at present it’s on Carlinhos’s tablet.

The title, Não fui eu! was learned fom my Portuguese kids, it means, ‘It wasn’t me!’, that along with Sei lá (Who knows) were learned being the stepfather to Ellen Suelen and Branco (Erick) as being the standard responses to any question involving responsibility for some nefarious act.

vaginacanoeSilly Box: “A Japanese woman who makes art based on her vagina is charged with obscenity” – BBCNews I added the link in case you have an interest in vaginas. This woman has even made a canoe based on her vagina. Imagine rowing down the river in a vagina, there’s food for thought. Personally, I think vaginas are rather beautiful, to consider them obscene is in itself obsecene. Everybody loves orchids… orchids are nothing more than a flower’s vagina. We decorate our homes with vaginas, we get married surrounded with vaginas, when we get buried and they throw vaginas on the coffin; but when a woman exposes her vagina,,, it suddenly becomes obscene. Talk about double standards.

I haven’t looked further for silly stories or news.

The noise from the botequim is beckoning.

Later.

Lead Ballon

leadballoonWell, my attempt at satire yesterday went down like a lead balloon going by the number of ‘Likes’ I got.

Never mind, I’ll move along.

Can’t please all the people all the time. Thanks to those who recognised the satire and ‘Liked’.

Hot stuffy day again, no wind. We were promised rain yesterday, obviously the weather didn’t hear that; not a drop.

I have an hour before my kids are here for their English lesson, and I still have to have lunch. It’s in the oven. Fish fillets poached in milk.

Once the kids get here, I’ll get nothing done. When they go, I’ll have an hour until my first lesson at the course at 4pm. So that’s the day gone. Thursdays have turned into a mucky day.

Political correctness gone too far. Australians are in the stupid box today. A TV programme had to appologise for a ‘sexist’ quiz question; “Name a woman’s job?” That’s NOT sexist. The obvious answer is, “To have babies!” I’d love to see these pc bastards change that.

Share prices continue to slide worldwide, making financial institutions jitter. There’s something about to happen.

Ebola is still in the news, although no new cases are cited outside Africa. WHO is now trying to play down the epidemic. I was surprised to read one report that showed many Americans have no idea that Ebola exists.

[Pause]

Lunch

[unpause]

They say that fish is brain food… didn’t do my inspiration much good.

Just heard on the news that Spain has a new Ebola case; a Nigerian flew there today and is showing all the signs, Now they have another aircraft load of people exposed to the virus through the plane’s ventilation system.

This is pretty much like my Nap-fu practice

This is pretty much like my Nap-fu practice

Well, I suppose I’d better go and remove the washing from the sofa so the kids have somewhere to sit for a lesson. Then I should go and do the dishes so they know that Dad is not a slob. And, I’d better put some pants on…

Later.

Willy or Wonty

My kitchen didn't look like this... quite

My kitchen didn’t look like this… quite

I bet you’re all wondering, willy or wonty?

I nearly didn’t.

I would have posted this morning, but as you all know I have lessons now on Saturday mornings, which just screws up the whole day.

Between 10pm Friday and 8am Saturday I have a whole ten hours free, most of which I spend sleeping, or at least trying to sleep, or peeing.

The remaining two hours doesn’t leave a lot of room for something blogworthy to happen.

So I did the dishes.

Awesome machine.... want one

Awesome machine…. want one!

I got home at nearly 2pm, resisting the call of the botequim and flopped. Yes, time for Nap-fu practice. I excelled

I woke about 3:30 and knowing there was a birthday party at my neighbours to which I was invited. I made a large batch of battered onion rings and toddled off next door. Besides, I wanted to see his new BBQ in action.

It’s not real brick, just a brick-like cladding over concrete, but it does the job.

The trouble is the price… R$700 which is about $300+ too much for me.

Lots of people; mainly neighbours whom I knew and many of his family whom I knew from previous BBQs.

The birthday boy’s mother was there. She was the lovely toothless old soul who, at the last BBQ, tried some of the R$50/bottle wine I had taken along, promptly spat it out on the floor and announced that it was vinegar.

It was a wonderful Merlot. When it comes to wines Brazilians generally like R$3/bottle sweet plonk. The country will never make the first world.

I didn’t take wine this time, that’s why I made the onion rings; I never go to an invite empty-handed. How crass?

Beer chillers

Beer chillers

There was lots of beer, so no problem. Now while Lincoln had a new BBQ, his beer chiller wasn’t quite so classy, but it did a grand job.

They have just painted the exterior of the house, one of the chillers was the paint barrel, the other an old, but slightly more respectable, polystyrene ice box without a lid. Which is just as well, because the speed at which it would have been lifted for beers would have melted the damned thing.

I didn’t stay long, because there was a chilling wind blowing through and as darkness approached, I made my exit, gracefully. Well, as gracefully as I could hobbling down the steep stairs on a walking stick with each footfall on the tiles threatening to send me express mail to the bottom where I was swamped by the kids, “Got any more of those ring things?” Praise indeed coming from the lower echelons of the family tree.

So, the answer to the question, “Willy or Wonty?”

I diddly!

Now it’s bedtime.

Later.

Diminished Responsibility

Responsibility hides in here somewhere

Responsibility hides in here somewhere

It’s Sunday, I pleading diminished responsibility. Or taking whatever amendment of the constitution that says I can’t incriminate myself.

All was going well this morning. The laundry lady came and went, I had Nap-fued, I had emptied my mail box and had posted on most blogs.

Noon! That was when it happened.

Smells of BBQ wafted through my window.

“I have to investigate,” I said to myself.

I arrived with bottle of chilled beer just as they were serving liver, wonderful succulent BBQed liver.

My body cried “Gout!” A horrible thought that was immediately pushed to the back of the mind as I reached for the proffered platter.

And that… my dear readers, was that.

But the story doesn’t end there, oh no.

I paid my dues at the bar, ready to come home, and there was another BBQ right opposite my gate, on the praça side. I passed by (I hade to cross the road to do so), and was told “Pull up a chair!” I did as I was told. More BBQ, served with sides, rice, potato salad, forrofa and molho… AH, lunch.

By the time I got home three hours later, I was knackered (figuratively speaking) and seriously needed some more Nap-fu as I had now been BBQed twice.

It’s 4pm…

The football has started. Flamengo playing some obscure team. But I am compelled to post. To tell you that I have been a bad boy. My mouth is as dry as a little wooden god; too much salt, and I am drinking iced sparkling mineral water for penance… One should observe ones penance on a Sunday, don’t you think?

So it is that I have survived the entire day without making a single dirty dish to wash.

Sunday can be such a wonderful day of the week.

I look forward to another next week.

Later.

 

 

The weather took a turn

It was forecast, but yesterday as I left for work, the heavens opened. I got halfway there and got soaked, so I came back home and rang my student, moved the lesson to Friday.

Rained all night.

Today, I have been curled up in bed between posts. Huddled under a blanket in my woolly sweat pants and two t-shirts.

My Nap-fu practice, is normally flop on the bed in my underpants, quite inelegant, which is why I have never taken a selfie. But today there was no ‘flopping’ rather a slow crawling lethargic roll to get under the blanket.

I cleaned it

I cleaned it

Yesterday, Posted a picture of my bule (coffeepot).

I was quite shamed by its state, so ashamed in fact that last night I spent 20 minutes scrubbing it.

Today it sits there almost gleaming.

I have been reading some posts recently about tea drinking and the associated benefits, also some of the comments received have alluded to the tea drinking habits of the British.

Since yesterday, I have been drinking tea; black tea without suger, which is how I prefer it.

Sorry, doesn’t cut the mustard.

This afternoon I am back on coffee; that mug of liquid sanity.

The latest member of my entourage.

skinnytortoiseshellA scrawny tortoiseshell.

She’s from the same household as Kitty. I have no idea what her name is, but she has taken a liking to me. Or is it the cat food she has taken a liking to?

She’s more friendly than Kitty and jumps up willingly on the sofa for a petting.

She’s got a long skinny rats tail, but I like my cats with big fluffy tails, like Cloro and Clorinha.

My yesterday’ post about the chages to WP posting page got misunderstood. I like the changes, but being faced with them at 1:30am without coffee was rather daunting. For those of you reading, if you have had problems with the post preview, it’s probably because you have pop-ups blocked; like me. The preview now comes as a pop-up page. I don’t know why they fixed it, the new tab was working fine. My philosophy is if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. I still want to know what a ‘slug’ is (found under advanced setting).

They say the internet is full. There is a likelyhood of it shutting down.

Is the internet ‘full’ and are we in for a rocky ride over the next few weeks? Photograph: Alamy Click the image if you want the BBCNews about this

That’s a worry, if the internet shuts down, I’ll have to do other things, like the dishes…

ISPs with old equipment are already being affected. Hence the FB outage a week or so ago.

Mind you, FB wouldn’t be a great loss.

But the mind boggles at the thought of a blogless world.

Here in Brazil, we received a shock yesterday. Eduardo Campos, one of the presidential hopefuls for this year’s elections in October, was killed in a plane crash. There are six serious candidates, Campos and Aércio Neves were the two choices in my mind. The other four, include a slovenly disinterested cuss, a slime ball, an ex-evangelical preacher who is crawling up the collective religious asshole and the blonde bimbo incumbent; who was top of the pops. I am hopeful that Campos’ followers will migrate to Neves and knock the blonde bimbo off her perch.

The whole dynamic of October has been thrown into disarray.

I must get organised. Fifteen minutes before I am due to leave for class. At least it isn’t raining so I should get there dry and cold.

Later

I am Incorrigible

Oh, you knew that already.

I’m also very tired.

My neighbour came home at 2am. Know how I know that? He made a lot of noise putting his car in the carport outside my open bedroom window.

Pfffff!

I wasn’t going to go back to sleep easily. Remember I had a long Nap-fu practice earlier.

Clorinha with me in the praça on a sunnier day last week.

Clorinha with me in the praça on a sunnier day last week.

I made coffee. It was the only sensible thing to do. That was about when I realised that Clorinha wasn’t home…

The last I saw of her was when I went to the pizza shop to complain about the soggy chips (French fries). She always follows me. On the way home she made a detour to inspect the rubbish on the corner; it was rubbish night.

I left her, as she normally comes back home sooner or later.

So what does one do at 2am with coffee? Check emails, comments, notifications, etc. Doing so I found a great WP Theme, which generated an idea. At first I tried it on Eco-Crap, but it fidn’t dit. So I returned Eco-Crap to normal.

lovesscratchesBut there was still this idea lurking, niggling, frustrating me.

The old story, if you’ve got an itch, scratch it.

I began scratching.

The result is a new blog. What’s left of my life. It’s a photo blog. I hope to post a daily photo from my files of photos that I have taken as I cruised around South America before settling back here in Rio, and then my photos from here as well.

I got back to bed at 5:30.

I have two experimental posts up, and I may add another one later. I also have three followers, and likes. They were up before I had finished adding the widgets.

The rain, well yes… It’s still nut numbingly cold.  I am going to change out of these woolly pants and put woollier ones on. The plants are just loving the rain, they’re all bright and green and perky; and there’s new fronds unfurling on the samambaia (ferns).

I’ve lost my rubber!

This is NOT a rubber, it's a condom

This is NOT a rubber, it’s a condom

Now, that’s going to confuse the crap out of my American readers. Why does a nearly 63 year old need a rubber? Hey, it still works you know. My youngest, Emmylee, is only seven!

For me a rubber is an eraser (Americanese), I want to rub out a note I made during the night, it’s no longer needed.

I see that England are suggesting that the next FIFA World Cup be taken off the Russians as a sanction for the downing of the French airliner, the annexation of Crimea and arming the insurgents in the Ukraine. IMHO, that’s fitting. Really Putin’ someone’s nose out of joint, hurting him where it hurts most, right in the pride. But Septic Blathermouth and those weak-kneed arseholes at FIFA said there are no plans to shift the venue. Grow some balls you bastards!

I haven’t read the news yet, so not much to comment on.

Not that much to do really, I got most of my posts done in the early hours while I was formulating how to scratch that itch.

So I will let Sunday roll along and go with the flow.

Later.

 UPDATE

Clorinha came home, meowing from the gate, cold and hungry 24 hours exactly from when I last saw her. First thing she did was bite me, now that’s love…

Puxa!

Sperm Bank

Sperm Bank

Puxa, in Portuguese means ‘pull’. Pronounced, pusha.

Terribly confusing for foreigners, while empurre (empoorhy) means ‘push’. Puxa is also used as a polite expression of surprise; whereas those of us of a masculine persuasion, would normally say PORRA! Which is a palavrão (swear word) and actually means ‘sperm’, but used like an English speaking male would use ‘fuck!’

Anyway, moving right along!

My first waking thought a 6:10pm, was Puxa!

One, it was dark; two, it was cold, bitterly cold and I was just in my underwear.

So what happened?

It all started as a pretty normal Saturday. I coffeed, I blogged, I coffeed again, repeat. All the while I was thinking “food’ must get food.” The driving force for this thought was twofold, one, the fridge was empty; and two, I was hungry.

Essentials

Essentials

So about 11am I decided to go hunting, rather somewhat like my hunter-gatherer forebears; I went to the supermarket. Finally.

There I hunted for things to go into my trolley (shopping cart for our American cousins), and gathered them.

I planned to buy only essentials like wine, beer and some food.

Things began to fall into my trolley, a bottle of sake, three bottles of Seleção Brasileira (National football team) beer which I saw for the first time, things that would be considered impulse buying. My Nap-fu skills are only exceeded by my impulse buying skills.

Okay, so going to the supermarket wasn’t the worst part of the day, except at the cashier.

Taxi home.

Oh look! They’re having a BBQ at the botequim! That’s about where things went awry.

I put the shopping away in record time, and headed to the bar. I ate, I drank, I was merry. Then I got conned into tending the BBQ, that often happens as my BBQing skills are also well honed. At 4pm, I left a lonely sausage shrivelling on the near dead coals and headed home to test my Nap-fu skills.

Waking to the thought, “Puxa!

I set about defrosting myself. I made fresh coffee, put on my woolly pants and slowly stopped shivering.

This post was written as I thawed.

So Saturday, came and went before I had a chance to blink.

Despite having food in the fridge, I don’t feel like cooking. So the new pizza shop in the neighbourhood is getting a tryout… again. Now, I am waiting for pizza delivery.

Later.

A Loathing

Yes, I loathe selfies; hate them with a passion.

Even more so now.

Having had my hair and beard cut that morning, it added a touch of the demented

Having had my hair and beard cut that morning, it added a touch of the deranged

Last night in class we were discussing my new cellphone. I had earlier in the day bought a new SIM card and inserted same. I had verified that the camera now worked, but hadn’t actually taken a photo. My students, an accountant and a logistics supervisor, both of whom should know better, convinced me that traditionally, one takes a selfie to prove the camera works.

I took a selfie.

True to form, it made me look like a criminal, to make matters worse, I had chosen to wear an orange T-shirt which only served to highlight my potential criminality.

All this merely confirms my loathing.

Never again.

Late start today. 12:45 and I’ve just finished a bacon and egg breakfast.

It began raining last night, and is forecast to  continue until Tuesday or Wednesday.

Just had a double power surge and had to restart PC. These are Monday things, not for a Friday. I was lucky, autosave saved what I had so far. I so loathe it when I lose writing.

I was up during the night, yes, playing with my cellphone. Give a kid a new toy and…

I had removed the SIM card to download the criminal photo, and the battery fell out, so I had to reset everything again.

This is now my wallpaper.

Suits the 'fire orange' them of my cellphone

Suits the ‘fire orange’ them of my cellphone

My late start was due to the rain and very cool temps. It’s not underwear weather. I am in T-shirt and brushed cotton pants to stave off the cold.

Clorinha took one look at me an wondered why I had so much fur on, then went back to sleep on the sofa.

The plant I posted yesterday is apparently a Beefsteak (Perilla frutescens) plant, thank you to MWPG identifying it for me.

fartA suggestion in comments, that in order to combat global  flatulence, we should cull humans. I quite agree, there are far too many of us.

I didn’t actually get to the supermarket yesterday. The ATM had remembered how to money, so I paid the rent, by that time I was close to lunch in both space and time. Snap decision…

Caught the restaurant out falsifying food. They had sole fillets listed on the buffet… yum. When I cut into the first one it was pink inside. Sole doesn’t have colour. They were passing off panga (R$9/kg) as sole (R$28/kg). The manager wasn’t aware and gave the kitchen a bollocking for putting the restaurant at risk of a heavy fine. Our consumer protection, ProCon, just love to dish out R$10,000 fines for this type of infraction. The manager thanked me for the information, but he didn’t go as far as offering a free lunch.

Also, I loathe panga. Panga is a Vietnamese export. Raised in the Mekong River Delta which is the sewer of South East Asia and they fill it with hormones to grow quicker.

yodaasleepagain

No, I was practising my Nap-fu

After which I went home to practice my Nap-fu.

Big steel birds seem to be falling out of the sky somewhat regularly, shot down, hi-jacked, sand storm have taken their toll in recent months.

Israel is on the path to succeeding in their planned genocide of the Palestinians. I hope that if and when the last Palestinian falls that the UN, Britain and the USA are taken to book for giving Palestine to the Israelis in the first place. They started it. It has become obviously aware that Israel will not stop until Gaza is gone.

I have a heap of posting to do today, so I should really blog along.

I will leave you all with my loathings for the day and go and make more coffee.

Later.

 

 

Ah, Breakfast

Nap-fuMasterThere’s nothing like breakfast after a heavy Nap-fu session.

I don’t always have breakfast, just coffee, but this morning following the coldest night of the year, it was a belly warming experience. Marmalade on hot buttered toast, that quintessential English breakfast.

I was originally going to title this post Nap-Fu King… but when I saw it in print I changed my mind, least it be misconstrued.

Remember I wrote about the neighbours’ cat, the Siamese one… the pretty pregnant one?

Well.

KittyInstallation

She’s nearly installed herself.

Last night, she came in the front door, looked at me, walked straight past the sofa into the kitchen and fed herself.

I can’t deny her food, her owners obviously don’t give her enough or she wouldn’t be coming here to eat. In her delicate condition she needs food.

I am wondering when she will auto-install the add-ons kittens…

dirty-dishes

It’s criminal

My kitchen seems to be in a state of perpetual motion; dishes in the sink, dishes out of the sink, dishes back in the sink. No sooner do I do the dishes, then there’s more dishes to be done. I am convinced this is an evil plot against humanity, me in particular. The fluxing dishes!

I have been following the tragedy of the Malaysian Airlines plane shot down over Ukraine. The USA is squealing like a stuck pig, which is a bit hypocritical since they have done the same thing twice; pot calling the kettle black. It has also led me to think that they dost squeal too much. Is there something more sinister going on, is this another false flag? Just how bloody devious is the USA? I trust them not.

So far today, I have coffeed, repeat…

I have also nearly completed my blog run. Just a couple to go.

Yesterday, I spent some time just sitting in the praça pondering life, with a cup of coffee. Clorinha, of course, wasn’t to be left out. Here she is pondering the merits of a little bird for lunch.

Clorinha pondering lunch

Clorinha pondering lunch

This was after she had pissed all the kids off by chasing their kite strings and tails.

The irrestiable attraction of a loose kite string

The irresistable attraction of a loose kite string

She thought it was fun, the kids did not.

I tried to get a video of her racing about madly, but she was faster than the camera could focus.

While searching for photos for yesterday’s post, I found this.

Awesome butterflies

Awesome butterflies

They were at a roadside stop as we travelled from Santa Cruz de la Sierra north to Concepción. I’d love to know what species.

I had planned weinerschnitzel for lunch, but with 25 minutes left to go, I have just discovered that I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer. Oh well, tomorrow. Looks like corned beef, mustard sauce and spuds.

I’ll leave you with this…

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’

parrotStartled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.

‘Yes’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he’s watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

‘Moses,’ replied the bird.

‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

‘The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

rottweilerbark

Later.

 

I peered into the depths

emptymug…and what I saw was scary.

My coffee cup was empty!

This was not to be the end of the horrors that I confronted today.

A glance at the clock, and it was after lunch time.

Where had the day gone?

Went!

Just went.

I have to install my printer driver today and print out my power acct to pay this afternoon if I want to avoid penalty interest.

sense_of_humor-762713Interesting to read today, the US Secret Service want software with a sense of humour.

They monitor Twitter and need to know when someone is joking, or not.

Obviously the secret service doesn’t have a sense of humour.

It’s time for a nap, must keep my Nap-fu skills honed.

Later.

Just before I go, this is how Clorinha spends rainy days.

Clorinha on a rainy day

Her Nap-Fu skills are second to none.

 

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