Tag Archive: nuts


The Smell of Heaven

a-funny-coffee-quotesYes, I had coffee ready made this morning.

No, waiting that extra eight minutes.

Yesterday it cooled in the late afternoon, and even s few spits of rain that amounted to nothing. That was repeated at 11pm, big heavy rain drops, but again amounted to nothing.

I’ve lost track, but we are well into our third week of high temps, and even the Brazilians are complaining about it.

I feel I must clarify a comment that I made yesterday… When I said “I wish I could do that” I wasn’t referring to Cloro’s nuts as Andrew misconstrued cleverly. I did add a little story about a similar situation to my reply.

The lack of ruffling fur, I have put down to it disappearing when I opted for the clip to be ‘tweaked’ by YouTube to remove shakiness.

It's cooler under the kitchen sink

It’s cooler under the kitchen sink

I’m going have have a <rant>

I have been watching this new pope person carefully. Generally, he’s been doing okay and I have enjoyed his refreshing attitude to many of the antiquated Catholic policies.

But yesterday, he fucked up, totally fucked up.

He spoke about the evils of abortion. Now I’m not in favour of willy-nilly abortion, or abortion as a post-coitus contraception, but I am fully in favour of abortion as a life saving or social measure.

This pope person lambasted all abortion as evil, he totally missed the boat; where he could have pronounced a more moderate approach by the church by, for example, urging the decriminalisation of abortion. I’m not talking about the decriminalisation of backyard-abortionists, rather I’m talking about the women around the world in Catholic countries who are in prison for abortion. The granting of an amnesty for these women. Suggesting to countries like El Salvador (which has the strictest abortion laws in the world) to ease the laws and stop making women criminals. Easing up on situations like the Indian doctor who died in Ireland last year because doctors wouldn’t perform the abortion that would have saved her life.

He talks about the poor, easing up on abortion would go a long way to helping the poor, but then the church needs the poor, denying abortion creates more Catholics. If it wasn’t for the poor there would be NO Catholic church.

Yes, in my opinion, he fucked up and missed the boat.

</rant>

I don’t apologise about the rant, but somethings really irk me.

50follsSAACI got a nice surprise the other day, my blog Some Animals are Crackers achieved this…

SAAC is my newest blog, and the stats are very modest, so it was gratifying to see that 50+ people are following. If you like animals, hope over and have a look, it’s not just ‘cats and dogs’.

Well, my afternoon student has cancelled; it’s too hot to go and pay the bills, so I am going to do the only sensible thing… submit myself to the rigours of beer o’clock.

Later.

 

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Not a Damned Thing!

nobrainI have not done a thing today.

Well that’s not true, I have, but not here!

I started late… nothing unusual in that, I often do when I have been up in the middle of the night.

But I had things to do like going to pay the rent which was eight days late through no fault of mine, my pay was equally late.

PC played up at a critical moment. One of my hard drives disappeared, and it took several attempts to reappear it.

area

Badly in need of repair

I had to take photos of the terrible state of the concrete in my laundry area, because I needed to negotiate putting in a new floor at the expense of the landlord.

The photos were effective, and the agency agreed that I needed a new floor.

So with all that my normal two-minutes-in-and-out of the rent agency took longer. By then it was lunchtime… and my favourite restaurant, Brazeiro, is just around he corner, literally. So it was a no-brainer what my next decision would be – BBQ lunch.

Home for a nap, and here I am at 3pm having done nothing; this is my first post of the day.

PC played up again. Firefox disappeared. I reappeared it to find that ask.com malware thingy had invaded, so I had to reset Firefox to get rid of it.

cloro9

Likez mi tayel?

Here’s my Cloro at the bar on the weekend.

He just sits around like all the other regulars, except he doesn’t drink beer, he just licks his nuts which the rest of us can’t do.

I said to him, “Yup, lick ’em while you can,” which made the guys laugh because they know I have plans for those little pussy nuts.

Must blog along.

Later.

Dendrophilous

cokeban99% of the ills of the world would never have arisen if we had remained dendrophilous.

If we had remained in the trees, we would never have had Coca Cola, nor taxes.

Just think… Imagine…

No wars, bonking when the urge comes over us, picking ticks off the wife.

There would be no blogs… HORROR!

What would I do?

Sitting in a tree scratching ones nuts, is hardly a substitute.

CloroPrinter2

He’s a bigger cat now

Cloro has discovered how to turn the printer on. Now that he’s a bigger cat his weight is sufficient to turn the printer on. It’s fun. At first he was stunned by the noise of the printer gearing up, the whirrs, thuds and clicks, but the flashing green lights soon overcame the fear as he batted and pawed at the LCD.

The weather forecast has been right for the last three days, rain. It is right today as well, rain, but not so much as the last three days. Still it makes for comfortable sleeping at night, which can be a hot sweaty affair even without sex.

My plans for Saturday amounted to doing nothing, as predicted, I was successful. I hadn’t finished, so I continued on Sunday.

Here’s something to think about…

You Used To Not Exist

baby-in-a-wombYou used to not exist.

Then you were a baby.

Look at that belly button.

What a funny thing that is.

Soon, you will no longer exist again.

So where will you go?

Well… wait a second…

Where did you start?

Could it be you were always here?

I sincerely don’t see how it cannot.

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

Source: The Truth You Always Knew

Wow, that’s deep.

Later.

Then it Dawned on Me…

hate-mondays-500x500That yesterday was Monday!

No wonder the day was so screwed up.

It’s Tuesday now, and the belly ache is subsiding. I’ve never had one so severe, there was something that I had that really didn’t agree with me.

Sunny day here, it is expected to reach 33°C, and that will be exactly when I am due to walk to work in the strong sunshine.

Cloro is back the plastic bag. Earlier he was asleep in the same bag when I played a video clip where the blogger’s cat had been attacked by a fox and was being taken to the vet. Oscar’s meowing brought Cloro out of the bag in panic; I had to cut the sound. It then took me quite some minutes to calm him down. Who said animals don’t have empathy? Anyway, he’s quite happy to be back in the bag and is giving his nuts a good washing, so all is well.

I recently discovered that I may have been subjecting you, dear readers, to unsolicited advertising inserted by WordPress, for this I apologise. One more reason why I hate WP. I never had this problem with BlogSpot. My hatred of WP is only exceeded my by intense distrust of Google aka BlogSpot; that’s why I am still here.

Several times...

Several times…

Today is World Toilet Day… tell me about it! I would be hard pressed to determine if I have spent more time there (in homage) than in front of the keyboard.

Why do we have a World Toilet Day?

Is someone afraid we’ll forget them?

Monty Python is going to return after a 15 year absence. They are planning a stage show with the original cast. I have spent a good part of the morning checking out past shows. Their humour is so banal as to be genuinely funny.

Zombie cyclist

Zombie cyclist

My gripe today is about cyclists and motorists. I remember the days when I used to drive, you need to have all your faculties and senses about you. Hearing is one of the prerequisites for driving. How can you drive without hearing what’s going on around you? How can you even change gears without the sound of the engine? So for me, loud music in cars and the wearing of earphones by cyclists and motorist, is a road hazard. This has been commented on by the mayor of London, saying they should be banned as half the cycling accidents in London are a result of this; and I heartily agree with him. They are tantamount to dangerous driving and should result in loss of licence, or bicycle in the case of cyclists.

Don’t come crying to me when you get run over and smeared across the road by a semitrailer, because I don’t sympathise with idiots. Some people are just plain idiots. Idiots should be made to pay for their own hospital bills in full and not encumber the health system because of their stupidity.

It’s lunchtime, my tummy is rumbling, it’s empty. Do I dare try something light for lunch?

I must admit that the belly ache has been good for losing some girth, I can see my toes now without leaning forward; as for other parts of my anatomy, they still remain a mystery.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…

marvin

Later.

I Procrastined my Ated

nutsYes, I kept putting off posting until it was no longer a viable option yesterday.

Today, it appeared to happen again, I kept procrastinating, naps, lunch and beer o’clock took precedence.

Then, my evening students cancelled, which is why I managed to fit in a beer o’clock. I don’t normally drink before class, it’s not unheard of on a sweltering Rio day, but I don’t make a habit of it.

Yesterday, nothing happened. I blogged, but those of you who follow my various blogs already knew that, so why post and tell you?

The most exciting things I have done today, apart from my nap (naps are always exciting, you never know what you’ll dream about), ws to pay my bills and water the plants. The latter exercise was totally futile as it is now beginning to rain.

I see the Catholic church is about to get two more saints, personally I don’t see the point. Haven’t they got enough? There’s already 140 or so. What is the point of saints? It’s all a load of bollocks if you ask me. The saints are dead already, so isn’t communicating (praying) with the dead condemned by the church?

Football (soccer) referees in Brazil will be a lot more wary about red carding players after a game in Maranhão (north Brazil). The ref red carded a player, who then refused to leave the field, so the ref stabbed him and he died on the way to hospital. That wasn’t the end of the story, the spectators invaded the field and decapitated the ref. Why was the ref carrying a knife in the first place? Yes, we have to deal with some nuts.

Obama-In-a-Pickle1Obama is in a real pickle.

First, the news that NSA were spying on Americans, then came the news that they were doing the same to Germans, it turned out that much of Europe was also being spied on. Over the weekend the story broke that they were spying on Brazilians.

The Brazilians are not happy. Dilma (president) has got her knickers thoroughly twisted and the ramifications will be serious. The Americans cannot placate Brazil as they have whitewashed the Europeans, particularly because the Brazilian Constitution makes spying on citizens a crime. Company’s like FaceBook, Google, etc who have collaborated with the Americans could find themselves in prison, and the companies expelled from the country. Expulsions could also  happen at ambassadorial levels, just as Morales is considering in Bolivia after his affair last week.

Basically, the shit has hit the fan, and this time it is big time.

My blog ratings continue to plummet. My Nether Region blog which, prior to 26th Feb, was getting 200+ hits daily (highest daily 1,652), yesterday managed 3, the day before 4, and today an astounding 7 (aken from my Sats Counter, my WP stats are a little better). Something very fishy here, I have no doubt this is orchestrated because of my political views.

Watch this space.

Later

 

Chilled Nuts

chillednuts

Chilled nuts

Have you ever chilled your nuts?

You chill beer before drinking, you chill white wine, why not chill your nuts?

I am experimenting with that tonight.

I have a bottle of malt beer that I found in the supermarket today in the fridge, and I have my nuts in the freezer.

All set for the football (soccer for our American cousins) game tonight; Olímpia from Paraguay and Fluminense from Brazil. I’m not a Fluminense fan, but when it comes to international matches, I root for the Brazilian team.

I pondered the possibilities of an empty fridge yesterday, and headed off to the supermarket. As luck would have it a taxi rounded the corner at the same time as I did.

“Brazeiro!” I said to the driver. That was 2pm, we were at the restaurant quickly, I would still have been walking to get transport to the supermarket. A much better idea.

Four hours later, I arrived home. Now that was a good lunch.

Football is due to start.

Be back tomorrow.

 

And so it came to pass…

learnbuttonI have always maintained that a day in which I learn nothing new, is indeed a day wasted. It’s a sort of philosophical thingy of mine.

Today I learned something new. I’m not actually sure that I wanted to learn this particular aspect of human behaviour; but there you go, once you learn something, you can’t ‘unlearn’ it.

It is, therefore, with some trepidation that I am going to share this perplexing puzzling strange weird perverse (I’ll find the right adjective in a moment, I’m getting close). Actually this stopped me dead in my tracks. I was about to get coffee, and nothing, but nothing can deter me from the singlemindedness of this task, but this did. My coffee mug remains empty beside me, this gives you an understanding of the gravity of the situation.

I am talking about ‘sneaky nuts’…

What’s that? You may well ask. I stumbled on it because I read in The Guardian of an Australian (had to be) politician who was censored because he ‘Liked’ a sneaky nuts prank on FaceBook. This piqued my interest. I was still in peanut, cashew nut, almond mode being totally innocent in this affair.

When I googled ‘sneaky nuts’ was stunned being presented with images like this…

sneakynuts

Apparently ‘sneaky nuts’ involves exposing one or both of ones testicles in a photograph; popping a nut, so to speak.

Why would anyone do this?

all-canesI mean the human gonads are nothing remarkable in the world of nature. I mean take a bull, for example, now there’s a mean set of gonads, and the pizzle is big enough to make walking sticks out of, or a mean looking Warrant Officer’s swagger stick.

The human pizzle is more of a frizzle in comparison.

Even the humble pig sports a pair worth showing off.

Now if you had a pair like this, you’d be justifiably proud to pop a nut for a photo.

pignutsSo you can appreciate that the human male doesn’t have much to show by comparison.

Having said all that, I will apologise to all those of a sensitive disposition and the religiously disturbed. I realise that not everybody wants to be confronted with a discussion on testicles first thing on a Friday morning.

Let’s move along, shall we? <—— Rhetorical question

My coffee cup overfloweth…

Yesterday I went shopping. It was my plan to buy an extra set of speakers and a mouse for my Think Pad to leave at work thereby negating the necessity of taking everything with me to work.

That part of the day was a success.

My next plan was to have lunch, no not Brazeiro, that gets a little expensive all the time. In order to get from the ‘puter place’ to the desired restaurant I had to pass a furniture shop which I often check because they have specials at times. Indeed, yesterday they did.

kidneytableI had thought of buying a decent coffee table, you see the one I have was salvaged from the trash. It was one of those called kidney shaped, well that was what my dear departed mother called it; we had one when I was a kid. Totally useless because they don’t really fit anywhere. But four years ago when I found it, beggars can’t be choosers.

I had seriously considered one of the same suite as the shelves that i have just bought, but the price tag was R$350. I was pleasantly surprise to see an oblong coffee table ‘pague e leve’ (pay and take it) for R$99. I went and had lunch, but this idea niggled at me all through a good meal. After lunch, I went back to the shop.

A discussion, can’t buy anything without a discussion in Brazil. If I was to buy the table, could they deliver it across the road to the taxi stand? A reasonable request, I thought, brandishing my walking stick to justify that I needed assistance.

mesa de centro artely masterThe answer… “No! Not allowed to.” Which after some haggling became “Well, for R$20.” I couldn’t believe it! R$20 to walk across the road! Bloody unbelievable, I entered tantrum mode (I’m 60+ but I still remember how to throw a tantrum). The nice man took it across the road to the taxi stand, just to get me out of the shop, I was becoming an embarrassment. See, tantrums work.

Remember that when your rugrat throws one next time.

So the afternoon was spent assembling and admiring my new coffee table.

I now have one of these in my living room. *satisfied grin*

My set of tower shelves has just arrived. They will come and assemble it tomorrow.

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