Tag Archive: penises


The Dirty Truth

The dirty truth

The dirty truth

I am feeling paranoid.

After yesterday’s intro photo, I’m deeply concerned petrified that you all may think that was my kitchen.

So I decided to show you the dirty truth.

That’s about as bad as it gets.

I fixed the Simon and Garfunkel video clip on the older post yesterday; it’s got words now.

I was aked if I would post the recipe for my onion rings. I replied “yes!”

It’s so simple.

Onion rings don’t have a recipe, you just do it.

justdoitNormal family serving, about 5 tbsp plain flour, one egg, milk to make a batter, I sometimes add chopped parsley to the batter, or add it to the onion before battering. Cut onion separate into rings dip in batter, let drip, and chuck it in the deep fry. Turn and when golden, take them out and eat.

How simple is that?

When I do them, I’m on auto pilot… I think more when I’m peeing.

Yesterday I made a roasting dish full, that was double the batter and four medium onions.

I thought about taking a photo, but I figured, nah, nobody really wants to know about onion rings…

Want a shock?

Oh, come on... that's a finger!

Oh, come on… that’s a finger!

Now they have lab-grown penises…

First it was ears on a rat and a finger on a stomach, then they jump straight to penises. What’s next? Today’s special at Walmart, fresh penises!

You didn’t really think I would post a penis…

Bet that got you going.

84% in Britain think that the war against drugs is lost.

Oh, really? That’s been my opinion for twenty years. Many are of the opinion that drugs should be decriminalised and moved from criminal to a health issue.

How slow we are to accept the truth.

Brazil goes to the polls today. All forms of politcal advertising have been banned from yesterday… I was handed my first pamphlet at the gate before 8am. It looks like the incumbent blonde bimbo will come out tops again, after Marina took a dive in the polls and is neck ‘n necking with the previous third place getter. It appears as though the blonde bimbo doesn’t have enough support for an outright win (50% + 1 vote), which means another three weeks of politcal bullshit as the two top pollers go to a run-off on 26th.

Brazilians have a warped view of who is suitable for office. For example…

Wolverine

Wolverine – vote for he who has claws

This is how you advertise your candidacy for city councillor.

Pathetic. The circus gets worse as the office gets higher.

Illegal aliens taking our jobs

Illegal aliens taking our jobs

Thank heavens I’m not involved in this circus. One of the advantages of being an illegal alien.

Latvia is going to the polls as well. The Latvians are pooping their pants as the popular choice is pro-Russian who has refused to speak against the Russian annexation of Crimea. Latvia has a large population of Russians and fears that the same may happen by being in effect invited by the new president.

Why can’t all these Russians who live in ex-Soviet sattelites just freakin’ well go home? Even if they were born there, emigrate if they think that Putinland is so freakin’ wonderful.

Looks like the laundry lady isn’t coming today.  We discussed this last week because she has to go to another part of the city to vote, and agreed that if she couldn’t come today, then tomorrow is okay.

I don’t need to go to the supermarket yet. I have coffee for before noon, and beer for the afternoon. I also have salsichão should the need to eat arise.

Salsichão are big salsichas

Salsichão are big salsichas

I may boil them, grill them, BBQ them, batter and deep fry them.  I haven’t made that decision yet. I need to ponder the issue during my Nap-fu practice.

Later.

KFC

Not this KFC

Not this KFC

I had a terrible nightmare last night, hence the title. It now means Komputer Fried Citten.

In my nightmare, I dreamed that Clorinha had stuck her nose in the works of my PC, which is always open, and I woke to see her ‘fried’.

I like my PC open, because I am always fiddling and I can see the pretty red light that flashes twinkles in time with the pretty green light on the router and tells me that the internet is fine and dandy. That along with the pretty blue light on the front that bursts into life occasionally, they are so comforting.

But back to the nightmare, I am now aware that it was the harbinger of doom. Later, after my second coffee, I heard a plaintiff ‘mew’ (she’s not big enough to meow yet) I rushed to see what she was mewing about and all I could see was two little paws with claws extended clinging to the window sill. I couldn’t get the door unlocked fast enough and she plopped to the ground, landing between the passion fruit and a pineapple.

Clorinha in bed

Clorinha in bed

I finally got the door open and there she stood, shook her head and appeared none-the-worse for her brief free-fall of a metre and a half (about 4+ feet).

More feline news; Clorinha prefers to sleep on the arm of the sofa. Her daddy, Cloro, was a fan for the bed. When I go to bed she comes in for a quick romp and then jumps down and off to the sofa.

Last night she drew her first blood; cute little claws, but by hell, they hurt. She was sitting on my leg at the PC and slipped off, clutching at anything handy. I’m so glad I had my shorts on… (I wouldn’t have been posting that photo).

myinnerleftthigh

My inner left thigh

My floor is scattered with bits of paper, cotton buds, empty boxes, a handy towel roll centre and pieces of plastic. I daren’t tidy up because Clorinha considers these to be toys. So she’s cheap to entertain.

It’s nigh on lunch time. I have the fish out of the freezer and plan crumbed sole fillets with refried mashed potatoes and a shittake mushroom cream sauce. I also think this merits a white wine. BRB

ConventodaSerravinhobrancoBottle selected, in the freezer for a quick chill. A Convento da Serra white, 2010. It’s a wine from the Alentejo Region in southern Portugal. Reasonable price, R$25 (about $11).

I found some hydrated shittake mushrooms in the supermarket last week. Bit expensive (R$15), but I am so uncontrollable when it comes to novelties, especially such connoisseur items like shittake.

Today is Freeday… my afternoon student canceled yesterday. So I can afford to hit the plonk.

Oh, ‘it’s good to be the king!’ Line stolen from Mel Brooks’ film History of the World Part 1.

I am concerned. I read an article that gave me food for thought. I posted it on They say it’s in the Genes a couple of days ago. Basically it was saying that humans will divide into two subspecies; a squat goblin-like creatures of dim wit, and a taller more intelligent, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative human. It also mentioned that the latter would have larger penises; which prompted one of my readers to post on the matter. One of his concerns was that while we may have larger penises, would our testicles also be enhanced… to not balance the equation, things would appear weird.

Man, historically, has always been consumed with interest about the penis. Ever since they manage to stuff their chubby little hands down the front of their nappies (diapers) men are enamoured by their appendage.

But that as it may, further led me to think on the matter; and this horrible thought sprang to mind. Are we indeed headed for a sexless society?

A lab grown vagina -image: BBC

A lab grown vagina -image: BBC

It is common knowledge that our beloved scientists have managed to grow ears and noses in petri dishes in the laboratory; then I read this morning that they have managed to grow a vagina…

Does the future hold for us to create babies from laboratory manufactured parts and be put together in a similar manner to cars on an assembly line?

Hence doing away with the need for sex and the resulting birth.

Now this might appeal to the more puritan Americans, but I’m not sure it would catch on globally.

To top all this off, I got this pop-up:

you-have-been-online-for-1-year-do-you-wish-to-log-off-and-get-a-life

I’m sorely tempted…

I was right… again!

I was brought up on manual gears (stick shift)

I was brought up on manual gears (stick shift)

See, I didn’t mention penises and testicles in yesterday’s post, just small boobs and a happy pussy, and I got less than half the ‘Likes’. What does that say about you?

I should be doing the dishes, but blogging for Halloween and drinking oodles of coffee is much more fun. Lunch presents a problem, however, the tray I want to use for my lasagna is at the bottom of the kitchen sink.

A dilemma!

For me, Halloween is not a part of my culture although I was exposed to it via childhood comics, etc. It was not until I came to South America where American English is taught (Heavens only knows why) that Halloween has been infused into Latin American minds and, as a result, I have had to go with the flow. Also more so with my blogging adventures, I blog about it, but I don’t celebrate it. The only pumpkin you’ll find in my house is in the roasting dish.

So all my blog posts today have a Halloween theme, some blogs even have two posts, so there’s a shit-load of reading/exploring to do.

Cool day today, tried to rain, but it was a pitiful attempt, hardly wet the garden. One class this evening, then it’s weekend; a great way to start the month.

These are penises

These are penises

Now to guarantee that I get a few more ‘Likes’, I am going to mention penises and testicles.

Yes, those walking sticks are bulls’ pizzles.

I might add that mine is a wooden one; I have never been one to display my pizzle in public. Besides the police get all funny when men do that.

To elucidate further, these are also bulls’ pizzles, think about that when you are buying chew bars for Fido.

These are also penises

These are also penises

Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Some of you are handling bulls’ pizzles on a daily basis.

Oh, and they can be cooked as well…

Not limited to bulls’ pizzles, but also those of pigs and deer.

.

.

.

.

Bull pizzle soup

Bull pizzle soup

Tomorrow’s installment will be on testicles…. still striving for ‘Likes’.

Later, it’s lunch time.

Sunday Slap-Dash

No burning penises or loose testicles in this post, if that’s what turns you on (must be I got so many likes on the last two posts) then I suggest you desist now before disappointment sets in and becomes a moribund fascination…

Sunday is a day to relax.

Unless of course you are religiously tainted, then its a mad panic to scrub the kids and make them look presentable before heading of to church to be relieved of the horrendous angst accumulated through the week. Then you don’t get a chance to relax

ConchayToroRiesling

Great Chilean plonk

But on Sunday I have the luxury of relaxing, because I am not so tainted.

I have blogged today, I have napped today, I have watered the plants today and I have turned the compost over… This is called relaxing.

Having had a replete morning relaxing, I decided on lunch; which one tends to do if one missed breakfast. Well, I had three steaming mugs of coffee.

With my thoughts turned toward lunch, I remembered a recipe I saw yesterday on Kitchen Ventures. I had some of the ingredients, and had to improvise on others.

Prosciutto, for example became bacon.

Asparagus retained its original identity, albeit from a jar.

I didn’t have any wild mushrooms, but they were pretty pissed off by the time I put them in the pan.

Heavy cream became, well, cream.

White wine became a Chilean Cocha y Toro Riesling.

The rest of the ingredients more or less resembled themselves.

The first step in my Seared Prosciiuttoless Asparagus etc… was the wine. The chosen wine needs to breathe. So, open the wine and check; if it’s not breathing, give it mouth to bottle resuscitation.

what i started with

what I started with

I like cooking with wine. As on this occasion, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Once one has ascertained that the wine is, in fact, breathing. One slices good thick rashers off the block of bacon and cooks off to a crisp orangy-goldy colour, which is about the stage before burnt-to-a-crisp.

Take the bacon out and set aside.

bacon

Add oniony garlicky mushroomy things to bacon fat with a sprinkle of rosemary.

stuffinthepan

Stuff in the pan

Cooked off to golden colour, add wine… add a splash more just to be sure.

Reduce… (that does NOT mean tasting it yet!)

While that is reducing, layer the asparagus on the bacon in the tray.

Check that the wine is still alive.

Add pseudo ‘thick cream’, stir, while it thickens a bit, make toast. (Yes, I know this wasn’t in the original recipe!)

Pour sauce over asparagus and bacon, allowing the hot sauce to reheat the bacon and asparagus.

offendingproduct

Offending mixture

Divide off about half the offending mixture and serve on hot buttered toast.

It is about this time that the remaining wine, whether breathing or not, should be dispatched humanely and put out of its misery.

That is a slap-dash, because everything is slapped in the pan with a dash of this and a dash of that. You’ll notice that I haven’t included measurements; if you know what you are doing, they’re irrelevant.

Consume ravishingly while watching The Incredibles. I don’t have cable so I had no choice. The wine makes them bearable.

The rest of the day to relax…

Later, much later.

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