Tag Archive: sneaky nuts

I interrupt this programme…

apizzaTo announce…


Yes, I have just put a pizza in the oven. Not sure what flavour you’d call it. It has a bit of most things from the fridge apart from the mandatory cheese and oregano. I found bacon, olives, mushrooms, salami, shredded bologne and tomato.

I see Cannes is fraught with problems, jewelry theft, shooting. I have as much interest in Cannes as I have exploring under my sofa; in fact the latter might well be more exciting. Honestly, I can’t see the necessity for a few films and film stars who think their shit doesn’t stink. Cannes, I lump with the Oscars, BAFTA, all unnecessary bullshit. People would be better putting their energies into ousting the current run of politicians on both sides of the Atlantic, they’re all as useless as tits on a bull.


Scene from Ken Loach’s The Angel’s Share

In fact speaking of Cannes and yesterdays subject of choice. Ken Loach shows that the Scots really know how to put on a sneaky nuts display.

Well, the pizza was a success. That is, if you measure success by the fact that it was edible.

I was watching TV while eating, a Saturday variety programme called Calderão (Melting Pot). This week they are promoting ‘dancing’ not normal dancing but the roll-on-the-floor and squirm type dancing. Like this…


I chose a short example to be mercifully quick.

I see absolutely nothing of merit here. To call this dancing is to besmirch an eloquent art, samba is dancing, tango is dancing, salsa is dancing… the above is crap, even the music is crap, it is a cacophony of sound without merit.

The TV is still on, I can hear the fans roaring with approval, which to me only demonstrates that the educational levels in Brazil are plummeting below primitive.

My torre has been assembled. Top shelf, bottles of wine, second shelf, bottles of spirits and liqueurs, third shelf, glassware, bottom shelf, books.

It doesn’t look that tall in the photo, but it is my height 5’9″ (175cm).

I am a happy camper.

Cold front arrived yesterday. Temps plummeted 11°C from previous days. Rained, rained some more and is still drizzling.

Been a good day for blogging, this is my last post of the day. Most of the posts were ‘Satireday’ posts, easy, but finding interesting material can take time.

That’s all for today.


And so it came to pass…

learnbuttonI have always maintained that a day in which I learn nothing new, is indeed a day wasted. It’s a sort of philosophical thingy of mine.

Today I learned something new. I’m not actually sure that I wanted to learn this particular aspect of human behaviour; but there you go, once you learn something, you can’t ‘unlearn’ it.

It is, therefore, with some trepidation that I am going to share this perplexing puzzling strange weird perverse (I’ll find the right adjective in a moment, I’m getting close). Actually this stopped me dead in my tracks. I was about to get coffee, and nothing, but nothing can deter me from the singlemindedness of this task, but this did. My coffee mug remains empty beside me, this gives you an understanding of the gravity of the situation.

I am talking about ‘sneaky nuts’…

What’s that? You may well ask. I stumbled on it because I read in The Guardian of an Australian (had to be) politician who was censored because he ‘Liked’ a sneaky nuts prank on FaceBook. This piqued my interest. I was still in peanut, cashew nut, almond mode being totally innocent in this affair.

When I googled ‘sneaky nuts’ was stunned being presented with images like this…


Apparently ‘sneaky nuts’ involves exposing one or both of ones testicles in a photograph; popping a nut, so to speak.

Why would anyone do this?

all-canesI mean the human gonads are nothing remarkable in the world of nature. I mean take a bull, for example, now there’s a mean set of gonads, and the pizzle is big enough to make walking sticks out of, or a mean looking Warrant Officer’s swagger stick.

The human pizzle is more of a frizzle in comparison.

Even the humble pig sports a pair worth showing off.

Now if you had a pair like this, you’d be justifiably proud to pop a nut for a photo.

pignutsSo you can appreciate that the human male doesn’t have much to show by comparison.

Having said all that, I will apologise to all those of a sensitive disposition and the religiously disturbed. I realise that not everybody wants to be confronted with a discussion on testicles first thing on a Friday morning.

Let’s move along, shall we? <—— Rhetorical question

My coffee cup overfloweth…

Yesterday I went shopping. It was my plan to buy an extra set of speakers and a mouse for my Think Pad to leave at work thereby negating the necessity of taking everything with me to work.

That part of the day was a success.

My next plan was to have lunch, no not Brazeiro, that gets a little expensive all the time. In order to get from the ‘puter place’ to the desired restaurant I had to pass a furniture shop which I often check because they have specials at times. Indeed, yesterday they did.

kidneytableI had thought of buying a decent coffee table, you see the one I have was salvaged from the trash. It was one of those called kidney shaped, well that was what my dear departed mother called it; we had one when I was a kid. Totally useless because they don’t really fit anywhere. But four years ago when I found it, beggars can’t be choosers.

I had seriously considered one of the same suite as the shelves that i have just bought, but the price tag was R$350. I was pleasantly surprise to see an oblong coffee table ‘pague e leve’ (pay and take it) for R$99. I went and had lunch, but this idea niggled at me all through a good meal. After lunch, I went back to the shop.

A discussion, can’t buy anything without a discussion in Brazil. If I was to buy the table, could they deliver it across the road to the taxi stand? A reasonable request, I thought, brandishing my walking stick to justify that I needed assistance.

mesa de centro artely masterThe answer… “No! Not allowed to.” Which after some haggling became “Well, for R$20.” I couldn’t believe it! R$20 to walk across the road! Bloody unbelievable, I entered tantrum mode (I’m 60+ but I still remember how to throw a tantrum). The nice man took it across the road to the taxi stand, just to get me out of the shop, I was becoming an embarrassment. See, tantrums work.

Remember that when your rugrat throws one next time.

So the afternoon was spent assembling and admiring my new coffee table.

I now have one of these in my living room. *satisfied grin*

My set of tower shelves has just arrived. They will come and assemble it tomorrow.

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