Tag Archive: toilet


Arseholes

Your average toilet is pretty much like this

Your average toilet is pretty much like this

I have finally found proof that God doesn’t exist.

He made man in his own image, and put the arsehole in the wrong place. Now, surely God shits, he should have known better or are immortal beings beyond the simple act of defacation…

If God existed, he’d have known that at some time in the future man would invent the toilet.

Then why in God’s name did he have the arsehole pointing backwards?

This thought came to me yesterday, when I had a slightly looser than normal motion which slide down the back of the porcelain leaving an unsightly skid mark that required cleaning in case one had visitors.

Now stop going…. “Ooooh, yuck!” You and everybody else in the world craps. You and everybody else has had this happen. Don’t deny it it. I bet even Queen Elizabeth has had this happen after one or two too many gins.

It’s a valid observation. Just because you haven’t blogged about it doesn’t mean there aren’t some fundamental issues involved here.

LOL – fundamental issues… accidental pun.

It just goes to show that God doesn’t exist, we are the result of intelligent design. Although Mother Nature didn’t foresee the evolution of the toilet either.

Of course, it could have been worse… We could have been designed to poop like a hippopotamus.

Talk about the shit hitting the fan. ūüôā

You have been reading this blog long enough to know that I will tackle any issue that causes me to think. When I think, alarm bells should ring.

Today is Teacher’s Day. My day. It should have been an extra day off in recognition of my dedication. But, I had the day off anyway, so the point was rather pointless. However, I did celebrate, I had a BBQ lunch shared with other freg√ľes (regulars) at the botequim, which also involved beer. It made me so sleepy… I have just woken from a wonderful Nap-fu practice.

Nothing else should happen today.

Black Witch Moth (Ascalapha odorata)

I did have a wonderful surprise this morning. I found a Black Witch.

I have never seen one before and it was in my yard. It posed politely for me to snap its photo, but didn’t wait around to autograph it.

Ebola, the US has had a second nurse go down with it and they are trying to locate 132 people who were on the same flight the day before she came down with symptoms. There is now a case in Germany and headline news today says that Ebola is winning the race. That’s not comforting news.

Nothing like an aircraft ventilation system to spread the virus.

“Global shares fall sharply as concerns about weak global economic growth knock investor confidence.” – BBCNews. Has the great correction begun? We’ll know in a few weeks when the value of the dollar plummets to the point where we could offer it to hippos to use as toilet paper; or not.

According to an Australian judge a pregnant Rohinga mother who gave birth in Brisbane has been denied an Australian visa under a law designed to prevent people smuggling. So pregnant women are now people smugglers… great Australian wisdom.

The stupid French are at it again. Trying to takle the problem of teenage binge drinking by making it a criminal offence to encourage teenagers to drink to excess. How about tackling parents and schools who fail to educate their teenagers on this problem. Binge drinking is not criminal, it’s a health issue. Who puts these stupid people in governament so they can make assinine decisions?

The French are not alone. The British are now looking at banning smoking in Trafalgar Square and public parks.

Now that I have upset God, surely I’m going to hell, it’s time to say…

Later.

Belly Aching

I feel like a sick pumpkin at Halloween

I feel like a sick pumpkin at Halloween

It’s nearly 11:30pm, I’ve had crook guts for 24 hours now. I disagreed with something that ate me. Tasted good at the time…

But you’re not going to get much of a post, this is just to explain my absence.

I haven’t yodeled yet, but the toilet has put in for overtime; it’s Sunday and it wants double time!

Hopefully it will be all over after a good sleep and I’ll see you all tomorrow.

Later.

Two Things Turn Me Off

delete-buttonI get so annoyed when I get followed by CEOs or see Social Media in a tweet. Nothing will switch me off faster and send me racing for the ‘Delete’ button.

I also get pissed off when someone follows me and I follow back, and then they unfollow.

Humpday, I love Humpday. Downhill all day tomorrow, then my weekend starts of Friday because I don’t have any students on Fris.

I found a wonderful YouTube clip for Humpday. I just have to share it with you. It’s an advert, but who cares when it comes to having a good laugh.

I think that one is just great.

I used to have a bad habit. Every¬† time I went to the bathroom, I’d turn on the light. The bathroom has a window, but it’s under the shelter of the outside laundry facilities, so it’s not brightly lit and it was just a reaction to flip the light switch.

Over time I have become more conscious of the need to save electricity, and all those little things count, so I have finally kicked the habit. I remember where my penis is, pretty much the same place I left it,¬† and the toilet is directly in front of me, so it’s not too hard to pee in the half light. If it doesn’t make the right sound, then a minor adjustment is necessary.

If only governments could function as simply, mind you half of them don’t know where their dicks are; they know where the wallet is though.

Speaking of pee, Cloro is into day five and no wet patches on the sofa cover. Yay! Maybe his little pink nose has got the message.

Haha, Humpday, my afternoon student just canceled. I may get to the supermarket yet. The highlight of my day. Although, I am about as enthused as a zombie. Despite three coffees, I am just going through the motions. I think a nap is in order, I’ll see how long it takes Cloro from asleep on the printer to helping me do the snooze.

Later.

 

I never knew…

Donut Seeds

Donuts came from donut seeds.

See, there they are. You can buy them in little packets.

I wonder if anybody is really gullible enough to try and plant them.

Reminds me of a time when a girlfriend’s son, Andrew, was playing with one of his sister’s dolls; a Barbie type thing. He had carefully arranged it to sit on the plastic lid of a fly spray can as though it were a toilet then went off to do whatever four year olds do when they get bored with one thing or another.

Meanwhile his mother and I colluded and dropped some raisins in the plastic lid carefully replacing the doll.

Andrew eventually returned while his mother and I returned to our chess game, and suddenly remembered the abandoned doll.

The look on his face was priceless when he saw the doll had pooped.

Now you expect that sort of thing from four year olds, but some people never grow up and remain as gullible as ever.

This is not Lixo, but this is what he does

Whenever I visit the toilet, it is only a matter of seconds after I have dropped my pants, sometimes before, that Lixo comes running into the toilet.

Looks up at me with that expression and demands to be petted. If I ignore him, he meows plaintively, “Come on, you’ve got two hands doing nothing!”

It doesn’t matter what he is doing, eating, sleeping on my our his bed, dozing in the yard, he comes running.

Not only Lixo, but all my cats have done it; you can’t poop in peace.

Another of the great mysteries of life.

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