Tag Archive: viral


Warts and All

warthand

Warts have a better chance of going viral

I tried, I really did, I thought yesterday’s post had a chance to go viral.

But it appears warts have a better chance.

I need to rethink my strategies.

Silly Dept

I have decided who will win the FIFA World Cup.

No, none of the teams, although one maybe declared the winner and get to hold 5kgs of gold aloft.

No, not even FIFA will be a winner, despite gaining $billions.

The real winners will be the makers of silly hats.

sillyhats

Yes, they’ll be the real winners.

Cameroon-Vs-Brazil-World-Cup-2014Brazil will be frothing at the bung come 5pm with the game against Cameroon.

As I see it, Brazil needs a win to stay ahead of Mexico should they win their game.

Speaking of FIFA, did you know that FIFA earned $10.5bn in the last World Cup in South Africa, while the hosts gained a paltry $500m.

That’s just plain wrong. FIFA outlays nothing! The hosts do all the outlaying.

It’s the same here in Brazil this year. The whole paradigm is wrong, the hosts should be getting the billions and FIFA be satisfied with what’s left over.

For whom the bell tolls

For whom the bell tolls

The world has never been so much aware of the imbalance. Septic Blathermouth and his toxic cronies will be the death of FIFA. The death knell is already sounding.

The saying, and title for Ernest Hemingway’s novel came from the Meditation #17Perchance, he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill, as that he knows not it tolls for him;” I think that applies so perfectly to Septic Blathermouth, he’s one sick puppy.

I believe that the Qatar World Cup will be the last under the guise of FIFA. Basically because Qatar is so damned rich it doesn’t care how much it spends.

But it will never be held again in a country that is so strapped for cash, that they are imposing austerity measures, unless FIFA foot the bill; or there is a massive rebalancing of the profits.

Back to the Pope. He has excommunicated the Italian mafia, but he still says no to drugs. Weird, most of the mafia money comes from them. Decriminalise drugs and you strangle a major income source for the mafia; which means more Catholics saved from the fires of Hell.

Which leads to consider does Hell exist? And if it exists, is it exothermic or endothermic?

Consider this, it’s been around for a while, so you may/may mot have seen it, either way, enjoy or enjoy it again.

HellHypothesis

I am now going to press the new key on my keyboard.

Viral-Marketing-Strategies1

and see if this works…

I’m getting desperate.

Now comes the time for an important decision, coffee or a nap?

*Cogitating*

Later.

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5 Must do Blogging Tips

Once again, I have visited a blog that espouses ‘blogging tips’.

There are thousands, nay probably millions, of blogs and blogs with posts about blogging tips. And, the surprising this is they ll seem to get plenty of readers, likes and follows.

I can’t see why I shouldn’t join the madding crowd.

And I look forward to having lots of wonderful comments, visitors and likes too.

Five Tips to Ensure your Blogivity.

Blogging Tip #1

coffee-cigarettes_00387047Coffee, one cannot blog or write descent material without having decent coffee at hand. Coffee and the by necessity cigarette are essential blogging tools. If your posts lack that essential caffeine hint, then sadly your blog will fail.

The coffee needs to be real coffee; instant or Starbucks will not cut the mustard and will result in mediocre posts.

catswim

A pussy is a must, if it’s a wet pussy, so much the better

Blogging Tip #2

Pussy!

You’re blog must have the quintessential cat.

It may be your cat, it can be a LOL Cat, all the better.

It can even be a scraggy moggy found while trolling the blogosphere.

The cat may be neurotic, or one offering philosophical advice; but the bottom line is it must have a cat.

A giant duck has nothing to do with this post

A giant duck has nothing to do with this post

Blogging Tip #3

Whatever your post is about, there must be an image of some description.

Blog posts that are just text are boring.

The image may/may not be related to the post, but it must be linked in some way.

Images should be spaced alternatively, or people will think you are just taking the mickey.

If you don’t have an image, people may think you are quackers or the type of person who plays with a rubber ducky in the bath, which, by the way proves that you are quackers.

A fairy in a jar, is often helpful, if you can find one at the bottom of the garden

A fairy in a jar, is often helpful, if you can find one at the bottom of the garden

Blogging Tip #4

Know your audience, target your posts to your audience. Once you have got a visitor you must keep them captured, enraptured and literally trussed up in what you have to say, or indeed not say.

You don’t have to be as charismatic as that Biblical fellow, but he does have a lot of followers (he must have good SEO).

But once you’ve captured your audience, you have to give them something worthwhile, or not, to keep them entranced.

A sure-fire way to keep your audience, is post regularly and often. And write your posts ‘off the cuff’; don’t plan them. Planned posts often come across as bullshit and the world has enough of that already.

Don’t forget to communicate; if your visitor leaves a comment, acknowledge it, appreciate it, thank them. If you can’t think of anything to say, just 🙂

Rather sterile, but it may work

Rather sterile, but it may work

Blogging Tip # 5

SEO – you must know your SEO. Sex, Enigma and One can of inspiration. If you are not inspired, your readers will know. Therefore you keep them spell-bound with sex and the extraordinary. That other stuff about search engines not finding your material is superfluous. If you have Sex, Enigma and One can of inspiration,  you will be found.

Some people prefer to have an inspiration key fitted to their keyboard. That’s all very well, but it doesn’t give the same gratification as opening a can and dipping your finger in; it’s a bit like that Nutella feeling, gooey but nice.

Every bloggers' dream

Every bloggers’ dream

Blogging Tip #6

Be inconsistent, eclectic, keep people guessing.

Tell them one thing and do another, like have a sixth blogging tip when you promised five.

Don’t just dream to be out for lunch, go the whole hog and go viral.

Summary

My pearls maybe wisdom, maybe not, you may get more readers, maybe not, but you will have the satisfaction of blogging. You deserve another coffee.

NB: Some of the above is not nonsense, most of it is.

Remember, when in doubt 🙂

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