Wind Chill

Yesterday’s wind chill was 50ºC+ (that’s like 122ºF)

That sounds weird, doesn’t it?

You see in Portuguese sensaçaõ termica (thermal senastion) translates as wind chill; except we don’t have any ‘chill’. In the south of Brazil, it may be appropriate, but here in Rio, not. The actual temp was 40ºC and we have been threatened promised the same figures for today, or higher.

In fact the worst news is that February promises to be a whole month of these temperatures.

Heaven help us if the botequim runs out of beer again!

It was hot enough in the house to cause this

Mercifully, the botequim had chilled beer yesterday. It was the only thing that stopped the neighbourhood from a total meltdown.

I got to thinking during the night.

Danger bells ringing!

We’ve really screwed up Christmas. I’m not refering to the commercialism, etc, but rather the whole Christmas story.

The 25th December is wrong, Jesus wasn’t born in December; remember the shepherds watching their flocks? In December in Palestine the shepherds were not freezing their butts off watching their flocks, the anmals were in the house, on the lower floor, with the shepherds safe and warm on the next floor. It has been estimated that the real birthdate of Jesus was probably about August. Why does the church insist on this? It was to tie the birth of Jesus into the pagan festival, so that the pagans celebrating were fooled into celebrating the birth.

Now look at the nativity scene. It’s wrong too. It is doubted that Bethlehem had an inn for Mary and Joseph to be turned away from. In fact custom dictated that they stay with her relatives, so they would have been housed in a small guest apartment on the roof of the house, or bedded down with the animals on the first floor, not in a yard stable as the story goes. So there goes the story of rejection. This misunderstanding came about as a result of bad translation from the Greek.

Even Santa Caus is wrong. Based on a Turkish bishop who probably never wore red. The red idea comes from Coca-Cola in the 1920s. Red associates with Coke, nothing to do with Christmas.

It’s time we straightened some of this shit out.

For me, 2014 has been a year of changes, not unlike any year. I have changed my socks, underwear, toilet rolls, light bulbs; yes, for me it has been a year of changes.

I have reflected over the past few weeks, if I was to measure the year, I would use corks.

Yes, corks. These are the corks that represent my year form about April or May. I had a lot more, but gave them away to a neighbour who is doing a project. There was also one that broke under torture as I was applying the thumbcorkscrew, and the one that had to be punched into the bottle because the cantankerous bastard didn’t want to come out.

Yes, corks, a good tangible measure of the years pleasures.

According to the BBC nothing has happened in Australia for three days. Their Australia page hasn’t changed it’s headlines. Which also means that Tony Idiott still hasn’t said or done anything stupid.

Silly Box: In the French Alps 15,000 motorists are stranded in the snow. Come on, with today’s weather forecasting technology, you mean to tell me that wasn’t seen coming!

The chatterbox is unusually quiet today. She’s here, doing her thing, but she’s hardly said a word. Maybe that’s my Christmas present.

I was remended by a comment on yesterday’s post about babies of an old philosophical saying… “Men spend nine months trying to get out, and the rest of their lives trying to get back in…” so true. You have to thank Andrew for jogging me with that bit of nostalgia.

I shoulkd go and water the plants, with such a hot day promised, they will be starting their wilt sequence soon.

I should also keep my ears open for that aural trigger… BBQ!

Nothing like a BBQ to excite the neurons.

Later.

Birra!

Expensive dirty water

I haven’t quite forgotten you. There’s been this nagging feeling in the back of my mind all day that I should be doing this; and it’s only the fact that it’s too hot to sleep that I’m here at the keyboard.

40ºC (106ºF) The ‘F’ means effin’ hot!

I got most of my posting done early today, except Fizz and here. I had promised myself sushi for lunch, and sushi was what I was going to get; which necessitated a trip to the supermarket for a slab of salmon fillet.

I also saw a bottle of birra (Italian for beer), R$6, so okay, the budget can stretch that far. I was thinking of a couple of ex-pat bloggers in Italy. My view on rhe birra is that it could have well stayed on the shelf. It was a bottle of dirty water, an expensive dirty water.

If that’s a sample of Italian beer, it makes me wonder what the attraction of living in Italy is…

Maybe that explains why Italians drink a lot of wine, because the birra is crap!

It’s close on 11pm, I have tried to sleep. I have had several cold showers and lay on the bed under the full blast of the fan to try and get cool. I’ve just had my second cold shower while writing this. The fan is full on, I have a tankard of iced fizzy water and my bollocks are dripping on the floor. (Don’t try the visual on that it’ll damage your spleen).

My phone beeped once today, my ex pushed the wrong button; which isn’t the first time she’s done that, that’s why she’s the ex…

My iced water has just de-iced itself…

Got more ice.

Whale poo is in the news. Apparently it’s important. Whales swim deep, but they come to the surface to emit whale plumes. This fertilises the water so that krill can grow, then they eat the krill… I resisted the temptaion to add an image here.

Also in the news Native Americans can grow and use pot. That’s nice, especially since they were doing that before the white man came. Did you ever wonder what they smoked in a ‘peace’ pipe, yup, happy baccy. Pity the white mnan didn’t learn something there, maybe GWB wouldn’t have been torturing people from the Middle East.

See what I mean

Read an article yesterday written by a guy who doesn’t like high heels.

Well, I’m another, I hate the bloody things and consider any woman wearing them to be some degree of tart.

Have you ever wondered about the origin of high heels?

Have you ever considered what high heels are designed to do?

Think about it. A foot in high heels is designed to reflect the shape of a woman’s foot during an orgasm… that’s why they were and still are a part of a prostitutes apparel

Oh, and don’t get me started on lipstick… That’s a doozy!

I’m going to try another cold shower and see if I can sleep.

Later.

Bottled

Lovely green bottles

I love glass and find an ethereal beauty in a collection like this. Wine bottles and drinking glasses too.

Recently someone had the temerity to suggest wine in a box. What an obnoxious thought. Wine in a box is just the epitomy of tackiness; not a shred of class.

I am not tied to classy things, but some things just don’t ring right. I guess it is the tradition genes working. I am a traditional person.

This is NOT Zumbi – google got it wrong again

Today is a holiday… yes, another one. Brazil has plenty of them. Officially it is Black Consciouness Day in memory of Zumbi de Palmares, one of the 17th century leaders for slaves escaping and being sheltered in quilombos (slave settlements) hidden in the bush.

It promises to be hot, like yesterday, but more so; and the day before. Yes, we had two brief days with rain and back to the hot. The forecast is for 34ºC but we are expecting it to be hotter with the UV indice 11 on a scale of 10… go figure; and the humidity dropping to 20%; that’s drier than some parts of the Sahara Desert.

That’s where the bottles come in. Big brown bottles, filled with beer, chilled so that when the beer is poured it forms ice on the top, served in glasses from the freezer. The nothing that was interrupted yesterday will happen today.

Tomorrow too promises to be a nothing day. Nobody will work between a day off and Saturday. Already a good number of people in Rio and São Paulo have gone to the beach for the four days. Most left yesterday, the rodoviária (bus station) had a hundred extra buses to the beaches east of Rio, and on TV last night the highway from SP to the coast was bumper-to-bumper. Me, I wil hobble leisurely the 11 metres from my gate to the bar, no traffic. I will leave my bengala (walking tsick) at home so I can’t be accused of driving and drinking; my small contribution to road safety.

Then of course there are Saturday and Sunday to contend with.

I was up early today, morning constitutional before 7am before the sun was really up. It was so early that I heard sparrows farting. So there is some truth in the saying ‘before sparrow fart’ to denote an early hour. Once home, I watered the plants and set to blogging. Not very productive, I’ve only managed two so far.

Silly Box: North Korea is throwing a tantrum. Threatening nuclear tests if the UN goes ahead with its probe into NK human rights. What a little wanker!

I was really miffed earlier. A small local restaurant in England put up a sign that breastfeeding mothers should use the toilet rather than breastfeed at the table.

That is truly despicable.

If some of their patrons object to breastfeeding mothers, then they should retire to the toilet to eat, then their prudish sensibilities won’t be offended.

Society really does have some problems if breastfeeding mothers are considered offensive.

In my mind bottle feeding (unless by medical necessity) should be considered child abuse. These companies that make and promote baby formula need to be censored; and baby formula added to the list of prescription medicine. We do need to get our shit together.

America is really obsessed with death. Utah has now approved a return to the use of firing squads if execution drugs are not available.

Did you know that McDonald’s in India is vegetarian. More than half of Indians are vegetarian; they worship cows, not eat them.

So McD’s had to ‘localise’ their menu.

Aloo Tikki Burger

The Aloo Tikki Burger has a vegetarian cutlet of mashed potatoes, veges and Indian spices.

So, inline with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… this is Beersday.

I have already Nap-fued.

The hot sun and cold beer beckon from beyond my gate.

Later.

Unfogged

Not only unfogged, but really pissed off!

I had this post ready to publish, and inadvertantly closed the editor. I wasn’t too worried because when I have reopened the editor it has lead me to a post already pending. This time it didn’t. No autosave-draft, nothing.

So, no other recourse but to start again; and I don’t really feel like it.

I remember that it has my coffee welcome.

I remember that I was woken early by someone calling me from the gate, but there was no-one there; spooky. But then it’s the Day of the Dead, All Souls Day, so I suppose one should expect spooky things.

I remember the mindless babble of the laundry lady as she was sewing up a sleeve on a shirt that was threatening to part company from the parent garment.

I remember that I am having a BBQ lunch.

I remember telling you about last week’s solar flare, but the link is gone now.

I remember that I was sweating at 8am, and that I had already watered the plants.

I remember telling you that it is 105 days since we have had meaningful rain.

But, I’m buggered if I remember anything else.

It’s Sunday, but it doesn’t feel like it.

Oh, shit, I’m giving up. I hate trying to rewrite something that’s been lost. It really bugs me.

A new palace is being built for the Bolivian president at a cost of $36m. The old colonial palace will become a museum.

A woman has been jailed for a year in Iran for watching a men’s volleyball game. Worthy of the silly box today. Why can’t these people claw their way into the 21st Century.

The rest of the news is a no-brainer.

So the laundry lady is due to leave; I’ll have the house to myself again. Peace and quiet.

Bidding you a frustrated – Later.

Foggy Mental Breakdown

This’ll be short. It’s 15 minutes until tomorrow.

Another successfully screwed up Saturday; and another day for Dante and his inferno.

After class it was Nap-fu practice, then awakened by the heat, it was off to the botequim. I made some carpaccio filled with asparagus and capers for snacks.

The last thing on my mind was blogging. I managed one before class, and I have just finished the other eight; this is the last for the day.

November is upon us Tomorrow is Finados (Day of the Dead) where people will be visiting cemeteries for their annual pilgrimage.

I have just read that 2% of Anglican clergy admit to thinking that religion was concocted by man. Well, we’ve just got the other 98% to convince. Then we have to start on the Catholics…

It’s so hot that I’m going for a walk around the praça before trying to sleep.

Later.

A Full Hour into Nap-fu

About this hot

And, I was rudely awakened by thunder.

Today started off well, cloudy and cool, then it became an inferno. Dante would have felt at home.

We were promised 36ºC, the highest in the country.

Bt the time I got home from the supermarket, it was 40ish+Cº (106ºF)

I rushed to put the things that required refrigerating into the fridge and went next door to rehydrate for an hour before Nap-fu practice.

The next thing, I am rudely awakened by thunder.

I sincerely hope it rains, and rains a lot, because the plants in the praça need it badly.

They tell us there is no inflation. I paid my bill at the botequim… 2xbeer, 3xsmall bottles of soda (for the kids) and 2x cigarettes. I proffered R$25. Raimundo apologised when he gave me a miserable 35 centavos change.

Well, easy come, easy go as the saying goes.

I feel like I should be doing something amazing.

But in this heat it is hard.

Unless, you count the dishes and watering the plants.

I just poked my nose out the gate to investigate the noise, the kids are barefoot in the street dancing on the asphalt to avoid the heat. Another negative for our new asphalted street. The old parallelapipado (cobblestones) never got hot like that.

At least it will be a little cooler when I have to go to work at 6pm, and there will be some shade along the way.

Tonight is Halloween.

Happy Halloween!

In the silly box today… Britain. They are talking about putting calories on wine and beer, etc in an effort to combat obesity. The fools. Ban all forms of soda that use HFCS, is the amswer. How do I know this? I have given up all Coca Cola and shit in favour of sparkling mineral water. I still drink beer and wine. The weight is dropping off. Yes, another silly idea by politicians. They really are a bunch of wankers.

After tens of thousands took to the street on Tuesday regalling the internet tax in Hungary, they’ve dropped the idea. I guess they realised it wasn’t popular.

Chile has become the latest country to move marijuana laws. It is now pemitted to grow medicinal cannabis.

The music stinks too

Next week Rio is playing host to Skank, a Brazilian band… the way they pronouce Skank in Portuguese it sounds like sunk.

They expect thousands to enjoy the smell music.

Today at the botequim, a young lad entered with his shorts at halfmast showing off his underwear as is the current craze. When he spoke to me, I told him that when he learns to wear his clothes properly, I’ll talk to him…

And I wonder why they call me a velho caduco (grumpy old man). I hate that.

Britain is paying off some of its debt… wait for it… for WW I.

My guava trees are blossoming like crazy.

Laden with blossoms

Keeping the little fruit bees busy as… well, bees. These flowers I took yesterday are already dead ready to produce little guava.

It’s 4pm, I have a couple of blogs to post on before work, so I will move right along.

Later.

I did get here

I really did, but before I could type a title for the post, the power went down; and stayed down until it was time to leave for work.

Not only was it our neighbourhood, but all the south and west of Brazil, three million people were without power for over an hour, for the rest it was restored quickly.

When I got home, turned on PC, and it looks as though my backup HD has burnt out – AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

I spent about two hours trying to coax some life into the beast. I will try again later, because there are one or two tricks left to try.

Yesterday’s intended post was an important one, because yesterday was marking one year since my Mother’s passing. But all hopes of that went out the window.

So, it is today that I reprint my eulogy for my Mother’s funeral. It’s still as pertinent today as it was a year ago. Please bear with me.

It’s a hard thing to say good bye to a mother, it’s also a hard thing to say good bye to your best friend. So imagine how hard it is for me to say good bye to both at the same time. For no doubt Mum was not only my mother, she was also my best friend.

I am present today, although geographically removed. Mum and I had agreed sometime ago that if I was to come back or visit New Zealand, that I should do it before anything untoward happened, not after. So my physical absence is not disrespect; My brother and sister understand that.
Mum was always there when we needed her, she supported us all through thick and thin. I find it incredibly hard to imagine that now she is not and what the future will hold.

I spoke with her on our usual Saturday telephone rendezvous, last week and she was on top of the world, I told her so and she agreed. Our telephone calls were often about trivial matters, my new fridge, the adventures of Lixo (my cat) and my brother’s or sister’s cats, her perambulations around the countryside with her friends and her impending journey with brother and family to Kerikeri, she was quite excited and bubbly about that and I shared my enthusiasm because I knew it was good for her to get out and about.

Although Mum’s health had had it’s problems, she was luckier than most, she had her independence, she could still drive, and this gave her a vitality that many would envy. Okay, she had wobbly knees, but she didn’t let that stop her, she had a zest for life and I think that is what I will most remember.

I am sure Mum dropped by Brazil to say good bye. On Saturday night for me (because of the time zones) the lights in my house flickered three times, the last strong flicker burning out a light bulb and reset my PC. Now here that’s not unusual, but when I went to the shop they hadn’t had a power problem, the bar next door didn’t either, nor my other neighbour. It was just my house.

It was a half hour later that my brother rang. I had had a similar experience when Aunt, my Godmother, went. Coincidence? Or had Mum dropped by on her way? I would like to think so.

Good bye Mum, rest in peace. I am sure that somewhere, somewhen our paths will cross again.

Yes, that’s still how I feel today.

The heat yesterday was preposterous. Here in the west of the city we got 45ºC (that’s lotsºF – about 112).

The humidity was extremely low, so a lot of drinking of water was done.

The forecast has just informed us that the west of the city has 41ºC at the moment.

The bad news it that this current hot spell is due to stay until the 15th with no sign of rain. So we have another ten days. Whoopi!

The Winter Olympics begin in Sochi in two days. I pay little attention to them. I watch the Olympics a little but have no interest in the Winter ones.

It’s time for a nap to avoid the heat.

Later.

We Joked about it

My Mother – Happy Birthday

Yes, my Mother and I joked on the phone about about her getting to 90, like her two sisters,  two days after her 89th birthday, 24 hours later she collapsed on the bathroom floor, her innings was over.

Then I got that dreaded phone call from my brother.

Had she not, today she would have been 90.

I never knew her as she looked in this photo. I hadn’t seen her for 17 years, the last time I was in NZ. I remember her as a younger person, a vital person.

So today is not an easy day for me. I had a restless night, I was up several times, most of my day’s blogging was done about 3am.

With my blogging completed, my day is already different. I was out watering my plants early before the sun had risen too high. I had to, because of the earlier than usual class yesterday, they didn’t get their evening watering.

Yesterday was hot as I said yesterday, today the forecast is for even hotter, so I may look for an air conditioned restaurant and while away the day in the company of a bottle of chilled sauvignon blanc, it’s the only sensible thing to do. Not to get drunk and forget about the significance of the day, I don’t do that; but a bottle of chilled wine merely goes wonderfully with a meal on a hot day.

Later.

 

When in Doubt

Eat a banana.

Mamão formosa

My potassium levels must be way up. A friend dropped by on Tuesday and gave me a bag with two types of banana; one for eating, the other for slushies. Oh, that’s where the mamão (papaya) came from too.

It was good, because after yesterday’s dentist visit, I wasn’t even allowed to chew my beer. And that was the advice from my dentist; he’s a good guy. So, having soft fruit on hand meant a mushy food day.

Some of the seeds have already been planted.

It’s hot out there, we’ve been promised 38ºC (100ºF). It would be a good beer day, in fact about lunchtime, I may well just do that. By 5:30 class I shouldn’t reek of beer. You have to live dangerously.

Great tweet today:

Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath. – Richard Zera.

— Gina Valley (@GinaValley) January 30, 2014

Oh, and another:

If you’ve never screamed at the top if your lungs about a hat at 6:30 in the morning, congratulations on not having children.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 30, 2014

I see that Bieber urchin is in the news again, this time in Canada for assaulting a limousine driver. Honestly, that kid needs some time-out, preferably in chains and kept away from microphones. Idiot child.

Two hours later…

Oh, sorry about that. I was looking for something on Google, and went off on my tangent, got lost, had a nap; now I have coffee and just for good measure, I had another banana.

It’s too hot to even think about cooking anything for lunch. Mind you it would be a lot easier if I had something in the fridge to cook. I do, but it’s all in the freezer.

I just ditched the coffee, to hot to drink coffee, besides it was horrid, stewed leftovers from this morning; it almost qualifies for worse than Starbucks.

Instead, I had a healthy cooling refreshing slug on the bottle of iced water from the freezer.

Actually, I don’t know what Starbucks tastes like, and I never will. It’s not that I have never seen a Starbucks in Rio de Janeiro, rather it’s that I hate anything franchised.

.

Franchises are the bane of the civilised world. Give me the old Mom & Pop corner store any day.

During my search I found this. It’s a bit small to read easily, but I love it.

Having said that, I’m off to make another mamão slushie.

Later.

Oh, remember that urge I had two days ago? I am pleased to report that it hasn’t returned.

My Hebetude

Indeed, my lethargy, sloth, torpor, etc can be summed up in the phrase, “It’s too bloody hot!”

Now into our fourth week of unrelenting heat, I feel drained and this has begun to reflect in my blogability, or should I say my inablogability.

I am constantly under a fan, continually taking a cold shower, sitting here dripping in sodden underpants to enable me to write. I’d be sitting here naked, but my bum sticks to the plastic seat, which is also hot.

The lunchtime weather forecast promised tempestades (storms) later today, but we are rapidly approaching 5pm and the sky is not doing anything that would indicate such relief, any more than it did yesterday or the day before. Even Brazilians have begun to pray for a little polar vortex.

Poor Cloro is shunting from one cool spot to another. Under the kitchen sink, under the coffee table, along to the botequim to take advantage of the tile floor, repeat. He’s at a distinct disadvantage in that cats do not have sweat glands, so my fans just ruffle his fur, they do not cool him. He cannot get cool the way we do; it’s the same with dogs, their cooling mechanism is their tongues.

Yesterday, I was so knackered, that I gave up blogging, instead I watched the film Django Unchained, 2½ hours of good.

I can now speak Italian! The copy I downloaded was with Italian subtitles. Pecora Negra (Englishman in Italy), eat your shorts.

The Brie I mentioned the other day survived. I managed to spread it out over three nights.

As I get older, I find it so much easier to make a fool of myself. Two nights ago, I went to print a page, pffft, nothing but a few bird scratchings on the page. I tried again… same. I cleaned the printheads… same.

Tandy Radio Shack TRS-80

I mentioned this to a fregües (regular) at the bar last night. Let’s have a look… I got the printer cartridges, he turned them over… I had forgotten to remove the protective seal. How to feel a fool in one easy lesson. One of the most basic things stumped me. I have been playing with computers since the halcyon days of the TRS-80 when we had to load our programmes from a cassette tape recorder, and the simplest thing stumped me. You’re never to old to be fooled.

World news, France’s Hollande has a mistress, headline news; who gives a shit? Probably Mrs Hollande, the shock put her in hospital. But for this to be headline news for five days straight… give us some news!

The sun has gone, I must toddle off outside and look at the sky; we may just get our rain.

Later,